First Birthday

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Melissa Villaseñor

Sasheer Zamata

Melissa McCarthy

Cecily Strong

Leslie Jones

Kate McKinnon

Vanessa Bayer

Aidy Bryant

[Starts with a group of women having a baby’s birthday party.]

Melissa Villaseñor: The kids are finally outside.

Sasheer: Great party, Jen.

Melissa Villaseñor: Thanks, guys. I know we just moved here so I really appreciate the neighborhood moms helping us celebrate little Jeremy’s first birthday. We feel really welcomed.

Melissa McCarthy: Oh, well we remember what it’s like to be a young mom in a new town. And look, you have a great house and a great family. Now all you need is your animal.

Melissa Villaseñor: Oh, we don’t want a pet.

Sasheer: No, not a pet, silly. Your mom animal. You know, the one animal that every mom adopts as a symbol of her personality.

Melissa Villaseñor: Wait, animal?

All: Yes, your animal.

Cecily: Your animal makes everything easier. No more, what music does she like? How are her hobbies? Now, I’m just pigs. I’m done.

Melissa McCarthy: Once you embrace your animal, everything changes. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting at home and a voice said to me, “Your son is heading into a very important meeting.” So I chose that exact moment to call him and tell him about a girl he barely knew that had died.

Melissa Villaseñor: That seems like an inconvenient time to call.

Melissa McCarthy: I know. But I did it anyway because it was my dolphin nature.

Sasheer: I remember when I embraced my animal. Suddenly, whenever someone complimented my clothing, I respond with where I got it and how much it costs.

Leslie: Sheryl, I love that sweater.

Sasheer: Vera Wang, KOHLS, $2, jungle cats.

Melissa Villaseñor: So, how do you pick your animal?

[women laughing]

Kate: Silly girl. You seek an answer yet you do not even know the question. A deep and complex reason for your animal will come to you. For example, I think ladybugs are nice.

Leslie: My thing is angels.

Melissa Villaseñor: Um, I guess I’m just confused.

Vanessa: My animal came to me in a dream. I dreamt, I flew on great white wings. We sailed over my worries and soared over the Costco. Finally, we landed in the parking lot of the Panera Bread. And there he was, a majestic goose wearing a little hat. We made love that night.

Melissa Villaseñor: Okay. I’m sorry. But this sounds crazy. I don’t see how any of this applies to me.

Melissa McCarthy: Oh, really? Well, let me ask you this. Why does this pillow have a country chicken on it?

Melissa Villaseñor: I don’t know. I just bought it.

Melissa McCarthy: You bought the chicken or you becoming the chicken?

Sasheer: Ladies, the animal is coming.

Melissa Villaseñor: No. No, I’ll never be like you.

Aidy: What has been put in motion cannot be undone. Soon, you’ll take your iPad to museum because your iPad is your camera.

Vanessa: All of your emails will begin with forward, forward, forward.

Melissa McCarthy: You’ll carry a nice purse and ruin it with a Purell key chain.

[All women start making their animal sound]

Leslie: I’m an angel!

[Now, Melissa Villaseñor is holding a chicken toy, wearing a chicken t-shirt]

Sasheer: Welcome, sister.

Leslie: I love you pin.

Melissa Villaseñor: The TJ Maxx by the hospital, 50 cents. Chickens!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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