Amelia… Gal Gadot
OJ Simpson… Kenan Thompson
Waiter… Chris Redd
Waitress… Heidi Gardner
[Starts with OJ and Amelia in a restaurant on a date]OJ: This place is really nice.
Amelia: Oh, you like it? I haven’t been here in years. I was worried it might have changed.
[A waitress walks in and rudely picks up their plates and walks away]OJ: Well, service might have gone downhill.
Amelia: Uh, you think? Ha-ha.[Cut to Amelia] Listen, Amelia, I have got to be honest with you. I am a little nervous. This is my first Bumble date.
[Cut to OJ]OJ: Oh, yeah, right. That’s what everyone says.
Amelia: No, no, no. I swear. I never used dating apps before. But hey, [raises his glass of wine] to trying new things.
[Cut to OJ and Amelia]OJ: To trying new things. [Hitting Amelia’s glass with her’s]
Amelia: Alright. So, um, Amelia, what kind of name is that?
[Cut to OJ]OJ: Well, I’m originally from Bosnia-Herzegovina. Do you know of it?
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: I think so. You guys had a big war there in the 90s, right?
OJ: Yeah. [Cut to OJ] Yes. It was the war for independence.
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: That probably dominated all the news around there, huh?
OJ: Oh, big time. Yea, of course. We were very, very isolated from the outside world. It was horrible.
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: Well, I’m glad you survived, so I could meet you.
[Cut to OJ and Amelia]OJ: Aw, me too. So, um, OJ, is that a nickname?
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: Um, no. Actually, it’s my first and middle name. Orenthal James. I did have a nickname for a little while. “Juice”, as in juice is loose?
[Cut to OJ]OJ: Loose from what?
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: [shaking his head] Just a juice container. I guess. You know, it’s silly.
Waiter: Okay. For the lady we have the halibut and for the gentleman we have the steak, the lamb chops and the burger and fries.
OJ: I can’t believe you ordered all that.
Amelia: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m starving. I feel like I haven’t eaten a decent meal in years.
Waiter: [giving his fist to Amelia] My man.
Amelia: Oh, you know what it is.
OJ: Wait a second. [Cut to OJ] Are you famous or something?
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: Who? Me? No. I’m mean not really famous. So, when you are dating somebody, you like, ever Google them?
[Cut to OJ]OJ: Oh. No. I really prefer the mystery of it. You know, to sit together, talk to you face to face.
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: Fantastic. Fantastic. I feel the same way. Plus, you know, there is a lot of fake news out there.
[A woman walks in]Woman: [to OJ] I’m sorry. I just wanna say I can’t believe you’re sitting here having dinner with this man. [to Amelia] You are disgusting.
OJ: What was that all about?
Amelia: Well, I’m sad to admit this. But when you look like I do in this country, people treat you differently.
[Cut to OJ]OJ: You mean because of racism?
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: Yes. [Cut to OJ and Amelia] Um, OJ, I gotta confess something. This steak is incredible. You want some?
OJ: Sure. Why not?
Amelia: Alright, cool. Give me a second. [Amelia is trying to cut the steak] For some reason they gave me a plastic knife. [He can’t cut the steak] Meanwhile, why do’t you tell me a little bit about yourself.
[Cut to OJ]OJ: Uh-uh, mister, I’m not done with you yet.
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: Oh, your witness, counselor.
[Cut to OJ and Amelia]OJ: So, what exactly is it that you do? [Cut to OJ] In your profile you just wrote this and that.
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: I mean, you could say I’m semi-retired but I was actually a pretty good athlete back in the day.
[Cut to OJ]OJ: Oh, so that’s why people recognize you?
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: It could be from that. Yes. Sure.
[Cut to OJ]OJ: So, do you still have any of your trophies or awards?
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: You know, it’s funny that you bring that up. I mean, coz I tried getting some of those back a few years ago. I mean, you know, [yelling] since they were mine to begin with! But it was a little harder than I thought.
[Cut to OJ]OJ: Wow. So you’re an athlete too. Pfft. I have to ask, how is it that you are still single?
[Cut to Amelia]Amelia: It’s a mystery.
[Cut to OJ and Amelia] [phone ringing]OJ: Oh, excuse me. It’s my friend. I told her to call me in case you were a psycho.
Amelia: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
[Cut to OJ]OJ: Hey, Rachel. No, no, no. Everything is okay. Don’t worry. I’m having a really good time with OJ. Muah!
[as soon as OJ hangs up the phone, it starts ringing and receiving messages]Oh, I’ll just turn this off.
Amelia: Yeah. That’s probably a great idea. Maybe some others here could take a cue from that and turn their phones off too!
[Cut to a group of people taking pictures of OJ and Amelia with their mobile phones]You know, hey, let’s get out of here, OJ. Some people have no shame. [OJ and Amelia stand] I tell my friend AC to pull the car around. You know, I almost forgot. I wanted to show you the license plate. I made it myself.
[looking at the camera] Still got it! [winking]