Hotel Check In

Beck Bennett

Mikey Day

Kumail Nanjiani

Chris Redd

Leslie Jones

[Starts with Beck showing Mr. Adams around]

Beck: Here we are, Mr. Adams. We figured you would like to spend your first night seaside at something a little more nicer than a Motel 6.

Mr. Adams: Yeah. This is– wow. I can’t thank you enough, sir. Not just for this, but for everything you guys did to get me out of North Korea.

Beck: Just doing our job. And the next time you wanna make a documentary, try Paris. I hear they’re a little more welcoming to Americans with cameras. But not much. Now, get some rest and enjoy the hotel. The US government is picking up the tab. Welcome home.

Mr. Adams: Thank you so much, sir.

[Mr. Adams walks to the reception]

Kumail: Hello, welcome to Chatsworth Marriott experience. May I have the last name on the reservation, please?

Mr. Adams: Yeah. Adams.

[Kumail looks into computer]

Kumail: Can you spell that for me?

Mr. Adams: Um, sure. A–

Kumail: Found it. I see your room and incidentals have been taken care of. And since this is your first time staying with us, I would love to tell you about some of our amenities such as the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: Oh. You know what, man, I’m good. I just want to get into my room and relax.

Kumail: Wonderful. And where are you traveling in from?

Mr. Adams: Um, North Korea.

Kumail: Fantastic. Just give me a moment while I pull up your room.

[Chris and Leslie walk in]

Chris: Hey man, sorry to interrupt. Could you get us some towels sent to room? It’s room 904.

Leslie: Can you also send up a boyfriend who doesn’t flirt with other girls to room 904?

Chris: Ha-ha-ha. Perfect. Another night of screaming. All the time.

[Chris and Leslie leave]

Kumail: Okay. So we have you in room 905. And while I print your key, I would love to tell you about some of our amenities such as the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: Again, man, I’m not interested, man.

Kumail: Of course. More time to enjoy our spa, indulge, which was featured in Latitudes. That’s Southwest Airlines inflight magazine.

Mr. Adams: No. Thank you.

Kumail: Are you sure? Your reservation comes with a complimentary spa service. I could book you a hot stone massage for tomorrow.

Mr. Adams: Well, that actually sounds nice.

Kumail: Fantastic. And I see we have an appointment. You’re in luck. And done. Hot stone massage tomorrow with Carly at 5:15 AM.

Mr. Adams: Oh, that’s too early. Cancel that please.

Kumail: My apologies, but cancellations must be made 24 hours in advance. Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?

Mr. Adams: Yeah, man. I want to check into my room.

Kumail: Ha-ha. Of course. And while I finish your reservation, canI offer you a complimentary glass of champagne?

Mr. Adams: Yes, please.

Kumail: Excellent, that will be available in the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: You keep pushing the Stargazer lounge. I’m not going there, man.

Kumail: Of course. However, you didn’t hear this from me, but the Stargazer’s headline act this evening is the Danny band. They were featured in Latitude magasine.

Mr. Adams: Okay. I don’t know what the Danny band is. I don’t read Latitude’s magazine. I just want you to show me to my room, man.

Kumail: Of course. [Kumail hands over a paper] Here’s a map of the property. We are here on that x that I have just drawn for you. This is Indulge, our spa which was featured in Latitudes magazine.

Mr. Adams: I don’t care. I don’t care.

Kumail: Okay. The escalator here will bring you to the Mezzanine where you will find the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: No, my room. My room.

Kumail: Of course. The lobby elevator which is right here will take you to your room as well as the bar entrance to the Stargazer lounge.

Mr. Adams: Oh, my god! [Mr. Adams punches Kumail] I’m so sorry.

Kumail: Perfectly alright, sir. Happens all the time. [Kumail hands in Mr. Adams his key] Here’s your key. Your room 905.

Mr. Adams: Excellent. Thank you.

Kumail: Is there anything else I can help you with while you wait for your room to be cleaned? Check in starts in four hours.

Mr. Adams: What? What am I supposed to do for four hours?

Kumail: Might I suggest, you visit the Stargazer–

Mr. Adams: Right! The Stargazer lounge and listen to Danny band. Can’t wait. [Mr. Adams enters the elevator. There’s the Danny Band poster and the singer is Kumail.]