Mika Brzezinski… Kate McKinnon
Joe Scarborougn… Alex Moffat
Mike Barnicle… Bobby Moynihan
Mark Halperin… Beck Bennett
Willie Geist… Mikey Day[Starts with ‘Morning Joe’ intro] [Cut to Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn in their set] [cheers and applause]
Mika Brzezinski: Good Morning.
Joe Scarborougn: How are you doing?
Mika Brzezinski: Good morning. That’s “Rock n’ roll all night” by Kiss.
Joe Scarborougn: Great song.
Mika Brzezinski: If you’re listening to loud classic rock followed by the most casual of political conversations, it must be ‘Morning Joe’.
Joe Scarborougn: Well, guys, they did it. Okay? The house has passed their healthcare plan which might take health insurance away from twentyfour million Americans. Many of them are swing voters in twentyeighteen, if morality doesn’t matter to them, maybe–
Mika Brzezinski: I mean–
Joe Scarborougn: I mean maybe–
Mika Brzezinski: I mean–
Joe Scarborougn: Maybe pure politics should?
Mika Brzezinski: I mean, it’s crazy.
Joe Scarborougn: Mika’s over.
Mika Brzezinski: I am. I’m up it. I’m over it. I’m past it. I’m in the driveway. The car is running. This part– this party– your party, republican party is–
Joe Scarborougn: Watch it.
Mika Brzezinski: — is completely morally bankrupt.
Joe Scarborougn: Oh, Mika!
Mika Brzezinski: I’ll just point. No–
Joe Scarborougn: That’s enough. Okay? You’re being sneaky because you know what pushes my button.
Mika Brzezinski: [looking at Joe Scarborougn] Does that? Push your buttons?
Joe Scarborougn: It does. [both looks to the camera] Mike Barnicle, what is going on with this bill?[Cut to Mike Barnicle. He’s looking at Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn with shock]
Mike Barnicle: Ah, I don’t know what’s going on. This bill– This bill is puzzling.
Joe Scarborougn: Okay, Mike. Congress doesn’t even have a CVO score on this. Is this just about– Is this just about getting a win? I mean there’s a lot of people with pre-existing conditions who are probably just furious right now.
Mika Brzezinski: Like, C-section.
Joe Scarborougn: Yeah.
Mika Brzezinski: A C-section is a pre-existing condition. And you know what’s not a pre-existing condition? Erectile dysfunction.
Joe Scarborougn: Well, hold on.
Mika Brzezinski: And isn’t that–
Joe Scarborougn: Yeah, here we go. Mika, you’re being dramatic.
Mika Brzezinski: No, but here’s what I’m being.
Joe Scarborougn: Ay, Mika mouse, Mika mouse, you’re being a little stinker–
Mika Brzezinski: But let me finish.
Joe Scarborougn: You’re being a little stinker.
Mika Brzezinski: I’m not being a stinker.
Joe Scarborougn: Hey! Mika-boo.[Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn have come very close to each other.]
Mika Brzezinski: Am I being a stinker?
Joe Scarborougn: Yes, you’re being a stinker and it’s not gonna work.
Mika Brzezinski: Yeah?[Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn are about to kiss, but they pause and look at camera]
Joe Scarborougn: Mark Halperin, the senate can’t be pleased at the house just threw this in their lap. I mean, what is their relationship like now?[Cut to Mark Halperin looking at Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn with disgust.]
Mark Halperin: What is their relationship like? Confusing.[Cut to Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn]
Joe Scarborougn: Willie Geist, what do you see in here?[Cut to Willie Geist]
Willie Geist: Um, what am I seeing here? I have no idea. I have so many unanswered questions.[Cut to Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn]
Joe Scarborougn: Okay, what about Trump? He hasn’t read the bill.
Mika Brzezinski: I can’t.
Joe Scarborougn: And back during the election–
Mika Brzezinski: I won’t.
Joe Scarborougn: Trump called into our show but he doesn’t do it anymore because he just shut himself off from anyone who can challenge him.
Mika Brzezinski: It’s sad. It’s sad but it’s true. And for some insight into this, we’re gonna talk to a man who says he’s with Trump every single day on the phone. We have a publicist named John Miller live from the Whitehouse.
Joe Scarborougn: Terrific.
Male voice: Hello, Joe, Mica, this is John Miller. [it’s the voice of Donald Trump] I’m sort of a new here.
Joe Scarborougn: Okay, glad to finally hear from you, Mr. Miller.
Male voice: First, I wanna wish everyone a happy Cinco de Mayo which is the day all Mexicans eat a sink full of mayonnaise.
Mika Brzezinski: Mr. Miller. Do you work in the White House?
Male voice: I do. Yes. I do. I work very hard. So, incredibly hard. Mika, I’m just celebrating the fantastic success we had with congress yesterday. After congress voted, we had a party. There was bill, a disaster that Obamacare has finally been repealed
Joe Scarborougn: Hold on, sir. It’s not repealed yet. The bill still has to pass the senate.
Male voice: What now?
Joe Scarborougn: The bill goes through the senate. They might even re-write the entire thing if they pass it at all.
Male voice: But there was beer.
Mika Brzezinski: Mr. Mlller, the bill has a long way to go. So, it seems a little premature to celebrate.
Male voice: You know what? We’re going to look into this. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye. [hangs up]
Joe Scarborougn: Okay.
Mika Brzezinski: Here’s what I want to say. Don’t stop me.
Joe Scarborougn: Go ahead.
Mika Brzezinski: The president is mentally ill.
Joe Scarborougn: Well, hold–
Mika Brzezinski: He has entered a state of psychosis.
Joe Scarborougn: Mika! Mika! You’re being naughty. Okay? You’re being very naughty.
Mika Brzezinski: Oh, I am being naughty?
Joe Scarborougn: Yeah, you’re being real naughty.[Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn start getting close to each other again]
Mika Brzezinski: Why don’t you stop me?
Joe Scarborougn: Maybe you need some of the punishing for being naughty.
Mika Brzezinski: I’m a bad journalist.
Joe Scarborougn: You’re not a bad journalist. You’re a bad kitty.
Mika Brzezinski: Wow.[Mika Brzezinski bites Joe Scarborougn’s nose.] [Cut to Mike Barnicle and Mark Halperin looking at Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn with shock.] [Cut to Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn. They look to the camera]
Joe Scarborougn: Alright. We’re gonna address the elephant in the room.
Mika Brzezinski: Let’s! [inhales heavily]
Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborougn: Live from New York, it’s Saturday night!