Office Flirty Performance Chris Pine

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Liz… Aidy Bryant

Nadeen… Vanessa Bayer

Shelly… Melissa Villaseñor

Michael… Chris Pine

[Starts with Liz and Nadeen in their office]

Liz: Well, Nadeen, it’s time. I think we need to do it.

Nadeen: You’re right. [presses phone button] Shelly, send him in.

[Shelly walks in with Michael]

Shelly: Have a seat.

Michael: Hi. Um, you wanted to see me? [Shelly walks out]

Liz: Yeah. Michael, good morning. You know Nadeen from HR.

Nadeen: Hello, Michael.

Michael: Hi. Uh, is everything okay?

Liz: Well, no. There’s obviously something going on that we need to address.

Michael: If this is about me taking too many sick days this month–

Nadeen: No, Michael, but there has been a pattern of behavior that simply can’t continue.

Michael: I’m sorry. I just have no clue what you’re talking about.

[music starts]

Liz: Um, no clue? You’re the one that has been driving us both crazy!

Nadeen: With you flirty hallway looks.

Liz: And the hunky way that your body is.

Michael: What?

Nadeen: So, you need to make a choice. Me or her?

Michael: A choice?

Liz: You’re tearing two friends apart. And I know you’re mine.

Nadeen: Actually, he is mine.

Michael: Excuse me?

Liz: Shut up.

[Liz and Nadeen stand and start dancing]

Liz and Nadeen: [singing] You need to give it up
Had about enough
It’s not hard to see
The boy is mine
I’m sorry that you
Seem to be confused
He belongs to me
The boy is mine

Nadeen: I think it’s time we got this straight
Sit and talk, face to face
There is no way you could mistake
Him for your man, are you insane

Liz: See I know that you may be
Just a bit jealous of me
But you’re blind if you can’t see
That his love is all in me

Michael: Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Wait. So, I’m not in trouble?

Liz and Nadeen: No.

Michael: But your fighting over me and now I have to choose whose boy I am?

Liz and Nadeen: Yes.

Michael: And you choreographed your little performance to tell me that?

Liz and Nadeen: Um-hmm.

Liz: So boy, who’s it gonna be? A diabetic mother of two?

Nadeen: Or a childless MILF with an eye for design?

Michael: I’m sorry. Which is which?

[Liz and Nadeen remove their coats]

Nadeen: [singing] I’m sorry that you

Liz: Sorry that you…

Nadeen: Seem to be confused, confused

Liz and Nadeen: He belongs to me
The boy is mine

Liz: Must you do the things you do
You keep on acting like a fool

[Shelly walks in]

Shelly: Hey guys, I’m going on–

Liz: [yelling at Shelly] Oh! Please! You’re fired!

[Shelly runs out]

Michael: Okay. Okay. I don’t– I don’t mean to interrupt but you- you- you ladies never talk to me. And this is the– it’s only the second time I’ve been in this part of the building. So–

Liz: Oh, please, boy.

Nadeen: Don’t play anymore games, boy.

Liz: Boy, just let us do this last part, boy.

Michael: Okay, fine.(Not yours, but mine)

Liz: Not yours.

Nadeen: But mine.

Liz: Not yours.

Nadeen: But mine.

Liz: Not yours.

Nadeen: But mine.

Liz: Not yours.

Nadeen: But mine.

Michael: Okay! Okay! Okay, okay! Just stop. [music stops] Stop. First of all, this is so inappropriate. Liz, you are the president of the company. And, Nadeen… you read my mind. In fact,

[singing] My mind is telling me no,
but my body, my body is telling me yes

[Michael and Nadeen star dancing. Liz is disappointed.]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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