Sarah… Aidy Bryant
Ray Shawn… Kenan Thompson
Greg… Beck Bennett
Charles… Kumail Nanjiani
Melissa Villaseñor[Starts with people dancing in office Halloween party. They are all wearing different costumes and are dancing to the music.] [the music ends and they stop dancing]
Sarah: We just did the entire ‘Thriller’ dance.
Leslie: That was hot. Let’s do it again.
Ray Shawn: Alright. Who wants some non-alcoholic punch?
Kyle: Why do you have to call it non-alcoholic punch every time?
Ray Shawn: Coz I don’t want people to get excited about nothing.
Kyle: Ah! Cool point, Ray Shawn.[phone ringing]
Cecily: Oh, I got it. [speaking on the phone] Hello. You guys, it’s Gregg. [Cut to split screen with Greg and Cecily] Hey, how’s the conference going, boss?
Greg: Very useful. I’m excited to share the info. Hey, could you put everyone on phone? I want to talk to the gang.[Cut to everyone in the office party]
Cecily: Oh, yeah. [to everyone] Greg wants me to put him on phone.
Leslie: Of course he does. He loves a party.
Cecily: Okay, Greg, you’re on.
Greg: Hey, everyone. It’s Greg. Sorry, I had to miss the party.
Charles: How’s Miami?
Greg: How was that?
Charles: Miami, how is it?
Greg: Is this Charles?
Charles: No. This is Groot. [he is wearing Groot costume] [everyone laughing]
Greg: I’m sorry, who did you say it was?
Charles: I am groot.
Greg: Who? Mr. who? I’m having a hard time hearing.
Cecily: Get closer to the speaker. He will love that you said you are Groot.
Charles: I am Groot. I am Groot. You know? The tree guy?
Greg: Oh, I see. Am, listen guys, I’m just getting some lab results back here.
Kyle: TMI, Greg!
Greg: What was that?
Kyle: Sorry, Greg, go ahead.[Cut to Greg]
Greg: Yeah. This is very uncomfortable and I hate doing this over the phone, but I was told I need to relay this information asap.[Cut to everybody in the office listening silently] [Cut to Greg]
Did I lose you? Is everyone still there?[Cut to everybody in the office]
Leslie: Yeah. Go ahead, Greg.
Greg: Yeah. It seems I somehow got hepatitis A and because I made that Halloween cake for you guys–
Greg: Well, um, I didn’t know this, but apparently you can get it from someone making your food. So, I hope you didn’t eat the Halloween cake I made you.
Ray Shawn: Oh, Greg! That cake is gone.
Charles: Yeah, Greg. I think we all ate the cake.
Greg: I’m sorry, what was that?
Ray Shawn: The cake you’re talking about, Greg, we all had a piece.
Greg: Okay. So everyone had a piece of the cake I made?
Charles: Yeah, Greg. But I thought this kind of thing only happen to people with dirty kitchens.
Ray Shawn: Or people who, like, don’t wash their hands after they go to the bathroom and then make a cake.
Greg: Yeah. Well, those are a couple of possibilities. What is important is that you all have the information now.
Sarah: Actually, Greg, i didn’t have any of the cake. Does that mean that I’m okay?
Greg: Was that Yolanda?
Sarah: No. It’s Sarah.
Greg: Oh, Sarah. How areyou.
Sarah: Worried, Greg.
Greg: What was that?
Sarah: Well, I’m concerned. I didn’t eat any of the cake. Am I okay?
Greg: Oh, good! But unfortunately, I drank from your water bottle.
Sarah: Why, Greg?
Greg: Well, you said it was one of those fancy ones that kept drinks cold for seven hours. So, I wanted to see.
Sarah: Oh, Greg. What an inconvenience for me and my family.
Greg: Ah, I’m sorry, Sarah. Sorry everyone. But we can’t point fingers, right? The only productive thing to do now is to go to your GP and get the lab work done. But let’s try not to all go on the same day. Also, going forward, please wash your hands before handling food, okay?
Leslie: [sarcastically] Oh, thanks, Greg! For the hot tip.
Greg: Well, enjoy the rest of the party. I sure wish I could be there.
Charles: Okay, Greg. Well, you have certainly given us a lot to think about. And ultimately, we are glad you called. I’d like to think that this has brought us closer together as a company.
Greg: Alright, everybody. I really have to go.
Cecily: Okay. Bye, Greg. We will get tsted as you recommend and circle back with the results.
Greg: Yeah. That’s perfect.[Cecily hangs up the phone]
Melissa: So, guys, should we do the ‘Thriller’ dance again?[Ray Shawn is still eating the cake]
Kyle: [looking at Ray Shawn] What are you doing, man?
Ray Shawn: What? It’s a good cake!