Papyrus

Steven… Ryan Gosling

Cecily Strong

Kate McKinnon

Chris Redd

Heidi Gardner

[Starts with Steven sleeping at night]

Narrating: It happened again. [Steven wakes up] I thought it was behind me. But the dreams came back. [Steven is in the kitchen with Cecily] I was up all night. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep.

Cecily: What’s wrong?

Narrating: You know, it haunts me.

Steven: Nothing.

Cecily: Oh, Steven. Not this again.

Narrating: I forgot about it for years but then I remembered that Avatar, the giant international blockbuster used the Papyrus font as it’s logo.

[Cut to Kate in Steven’s therapy session]

Kate: Avatar, the movie from nine years ago?

Steven: Yeah. He just highlighted Avatar, he clicked the drop down menu and then he randomly selected Papyrus. Like a thoughtless child just wandering by a garden yanking leaves along the way.

Kate: And so now you’re worried about the sequels that are coming out?

Steven: They’re making more?

Kate: Yes. Well, I think I heard that.

Steven: They changed the artwork. They fixed it!

[Kate looks for Avatar 2 in the internet]

Kate: Um, it looks similar.

[Steven gets angry and flips the table in front of him]

[Cut to Steven driving]

Narrating: He just got away with it. This man, this professional graphic designer. Was it laziness? Was it cruelty?

[Cut to Steven showing the Avatar poster to Chris]

Chris: You’ve showed me this before. I don’t think this is literally Papyrus. Maybe that was the starting point but they clearly modified this.

Steven: But whatever they did, [yelling] it wasn’t enough!

Narrating: And now, here I am doing what I vowed to never do again, sitting outside his house, hoping to catch a glimpse of him to see him doing his little things, live his insane little life.

[Cut to Steven drinking beer]

Steven: I think about it every time I see Papyrus.

Chris: Okay. Where else do you even see this font?

Steven: Hookah bars. Tequila merch. Off brand tees.

[As Steven is driving, he sees a man looking at him and whispering ‘Papyrus’. Being distracted, he crashes his car]

[Heidi walks to Steven as he is getting out of the car]

Heidi: My god, are you okay? What happened?

Steven: Do you remember the Avatar logo?

Heidi: Um, yeah. It was tribal yet futuristic.

Steven: Papyrus.

Heidi: Oh, sure.

[Behind Heidi, Steven sees the man again]

Steven: I know what you did. [yelling] I know what you did.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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