James Franco

Dave Franco

Mandy… Heidi Gardner

[Starts with James Franco in veranda]

James Franco: I’ll be in a minute mom. I’m just finishing up a call. [talking on the phone] Yeah, sorry. Um, my mom’s doing a whole thing. Yeah, Franco family reunion for, yeah, the holidays. Yeah, a lot of people I haven’t seen forever. Anyway, I’ll catch up with you later. Okay? Alright, bye.

[Mandy walks in from the gate. She is dressed like a boy and she looks sick.]

Mandy: James? Little Jamie?

James Franco: Yeah? I’m sorry. Who are you?

Mandy: It’s me, your cousin.

James Franco: Wow, wait a second. Mandy?

Mandy: Yeah, Mandy. Pretty Mandy.

James Franco: Oh, my god! Hi. Wow! How long has it been? Like, 20 years?

Mandy: Yeah, man. We got a lot of catching up to do. So, do you still go swimming?

James Franco: Yeah. I still swim sometimes.

Mandy: Yeah? And do you still eat candy?

James Franco: Yeah. I eat candy.

Mandy: Yeah? Good for you, man. Yeah. You know what? Man, I’m not gonna be there on the bus. I’ve been wanting to ask you something.

James Franco: Okay. [James Franco is reaching for his wallet] I think I know what you’re gonna ask.

Mandy: Do you need help?

James Franco: What? What?

Mandy: Do you need help? Because I heard the movie you got coming out is supposed to be a bad movie.

James Franco: The Disaster Artist?

Mandy: Yeah.

James Franco: Oh, no. It’s based on a guy who made a bad movie. Yeah.

Mandy: Okay. Little Jamie, whatever you say. But remember when you used to make good movies? Like, with the apes? Come on, man! Let me help you.

James Franco: No. Really. I’m good. I’m good. What about you? How have you been?

Mandy: Me? Really good. In October, I hit the bullseye.

James Franco: A bullseye? Like, in darts?

Mandy: Yeah, man. I was the only person at quickies to hit a bullseye that day. Yeah. They named a drink after me. A pretty Mandy.

James Franco: What was in it?

Mandy: Gin.

James Franco: What else?

Mandy: A straw. Man, don’t try to change the subject, man! Come on! Just let me help.

James Franco: No. I’m telling you, I’m doing great. My movie which a lot of people are saying they like, it comes out around Christmas.

Mandy: Oh, yeah, sure. Like that North Korea film.

James Franco: The Interview.

Mandy: Yeah, right. Your movie. Man, I told my friends Cliff and Paige that my cousin has a movie coming out, and we all went to get tickets and they said it was cancelled. You embarrassed me, man.

James Franco: It wasn’t my fault. The theaters refused to show it. I–

Mandy: It was so bad, they refused to show it?

James Franco: No. No. They still released on

Mandy: So, zero people saw it? You know what? I can say you’re getting defensive. So, let’s stop it, man. So, are you still brothers with Dave?

James Franco: Yeah, he’s still my brother. He’s right inside. Why?

Mandy: Well, you know, my brother Gary don’t talk to me no more.

James Franco: Oh, what happened there?

Mandy: Well, I got too big for him when I hit that bull–

James Franco: The bullseye.

Mandy: Bullseye. Yeah, man. He got jealous. But you know, I think it’s cool that you have not done enough to get Dave jealous of you. Oh, come on! Just let me help you out. Man, what do you need? [Mandy opens her fanny pack] You need money?

James Franco: No.

Mandy: You need the dart that hit the bullseye?

James Franco: No. I don’t need any help. I have a very successful career. I was nominated for an Oscar.

Mandy: Yeah, but you lost. You did, man. You lost the Oscar. Well, you know what? You should fire your agents, get with Dave’s.

James Franco: Alright, you know what? I’m gonna go inside and help my mom, alright? But congrats on that bullseye, alright?

Mandy: Peace!

[James Franco walks in and Dave Franco walks out. He looks at Mandy and gets really happy.]

Dave Franco: Mandy? Pretty Mandy.

Mandy: Dave! Little Davy!

Dave Franco: Wow! You are still smoking hot. Good for you.

Mandy: When you got it, you got it! Hey, you don’t know if James needed any help, right?

Dave Franco: Oh, yeah, yeah. You don’t need to worry about that. Let me worry about that, okay? And by the way, did I hear that you hit a bullseye? How?

Mandy: I threw the dart!

Dave Franco: Ah!

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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