Ryan Gosling Jazz Monologue

Ryan Gosling

Kenan Thompson

Emma Stone

[Starts with SNL monologue intro]

[Cut to SNL stage]

[Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Ryan Gosling.

[Ryan Gosling walks in and to the stage]

[cheers and applause]

Ryan Gosling: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. I am so honored to be here hosting SNL again. It’s my second time. It’s the season premiere. Jay-Z is here. I mean, I haven’t felt this excited since I saved Jazz. [audience laughing] You guys know I saved Jazz, right? I mean I did this movie La La Land and then everyone was saying that I saved jazz. I guess it was dying and I saved it. But more importantly, I have a movie coming out called Blade Runner 2049 with Harrison Ford. [cheers and applause] Yes, it’s very exciting. It opens in a week. And yes, for those of you who are curious, I was the last person who thought he would save jazz. I mean I was like, “Me, Ryan Gosling, all like a white kid from Canada, I guess I can try and save jazz.” So, I did. Anyway, that’s beside the point.

The first day of shooting on Blade Runner, I met Harrison Ford and he walks right up to me and he looks me right in the eye and he says, “Ryan, what the heck is jazz?” Well, let me unpack that a little for you, Harrison.

[Ryan Gosling takes a seat to play the piano]

[cheers and applause]

I learned this jazz on the movie. It’s like music in motion. The notes are talking to each other and giving each other a little kiss. But sometimes, notes get into fights and this one stops talking to that one. And then this one is like, “Screw you guys, I’m doing my own thing.” But you know what? They always make up. [Ryan Gosling lights up a cigarette using his both hands, but the piano is still playing] Now, jazz was born in New Orleans or as it’s correctly pronounced, Nerlens. And then from Nerlens– From Nerlens they moved on to Chicagi and then to NYC city. And let me tell you, jazz was the thing. Jazz was where it was at. And then it almost died and I saved it.

The budget for Blade Runner was insane. It was like 9 billion. 9 billion. As many notes as there are in jazz. But jazz isn’t just about the notes you play. It’s about, the notes you don’t play. You know what I mean? I’m so glad I saved jazz.

[Kenan Thompson walks in]

Kenan Thompson: Hey, what’s up, man?

Ryan Gosling: Oh, hey, Kenan.

[Kenan Thompson pulls Ryan Gosling to the stage away from piano]

Kenan Thompson: Yeah.

Ryan Gosling: What’s up?

Kenan Thompson: Just would love to chat with you in private a little bit. Yeah, we’re done with that. Thanks. Dude, what are you doing out here? You talking about jazz and Chicai and Nerlens, and nobody wants to hear you do that.

[Kenan Thompson pulls the cigarette out of Ryan Gosling’s mouth]

Ryan Gosling: Said the guy who didn’t save jazz.

Kenan Thompson: You didn’t save jazz. It was sarcasm. It was a joke.

Ryan Gosling: Well, I don’t care, Kenan. Because jazz is all about going with the flow, and this is the flow I’m feeling right now.

Kenan Thompson: Well, you are a bad ambassador for jazz.

[Kenan Thompson walks away]

Ryan Gosling: [pointing at the band] These guys know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Huh? Come on, hit it.

[the band start playing jazz music]

You see, the sax is ripping with the guitars. Hold on. Guys, guys, guys. Quiet, quiet, quiet, please, please. The thing is if you play jazz that loud, then people can’t hear me talking about jazz. That’s what we’re all here for, isn’t it? Isn’t it?

[Emma Stone walks in]

Emma Stone: Hey, hey! Ryan! Ryan! [cheers and applause] Can I speak to you for just a second?

Ryan Gosling: Emma, didn’t you hear? I just jazz good with the guys.

Emma Stone: Yeah. I did. You jazz fine. What are you doing? Ryan, you didn’t save jazz. How many times  have we talked about this?

Ryan Gosling: A lot.

Emma Stone: Yeah. A lot. Because you didn’t save jazz. We saved jazz. [Emma Stone takes a puff of a cigarette]

[cheers and applause]

Isn’t that right, NYC city?

Ryan Gosling: You’re right. [band playing music] We’ve got a great show for you tonight.

Emma Stone: Jay-Z is here.

Ryan Gosling: So stick around. We’ll be right back.