Saoirse Ronan Monologue

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Saoirse Ronan

Leslie Jones

Kate McKinnon

Aidy Bryant

Beck Bennett

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Saoirse Ronan.

[Saoirse Ronan walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Saoirse Ronan: Thank you. Thank you so much. It is so great to be here hosting the St. Patrick’s day episode of Saturday Night Live. Just a few months early. Yes, I am very Irish and I have an extremely Irish name. Some would say too Irish. It’s Saoirse. It means freedom. But I’ve got a little problem. You see, it spells– well, it’s spelled wrong. It’s a full typo. S-A-O-I-R-S-E. You can see why people have hard time. You know, if you were a wheel of fortune puzzle, you couldn’t afford this. There’s just too many vowels. God bless, no one has been able to pronounce my name. Like, not even close.

[Leslie Jones walks in]

Leslie Jones: Hey, Cercie. Have a great show.

Saoirse Ronan: Oh! Thanks, Leslie. But it’s actually Saoirse.

Leslie Jones: Oh! Sushi?

Saoirse Ronan: No. It’s Saoirse, like an Ersha.

Leslie Jones: Oh! I got a cousin naming Ersha.

[Leslie Jones walks out]

Saoirse Ronan: Yeah, so you see what I mean? So, um, here’s an easy tune I made up as a little girl to help pronounce it.

[music playing] [singing] It’s Saoirse with an ‘er’,
not Cercie with an ‘or’,
coz Cercie goes with ‘or’, not ‘er’
it’s ‘shh’ instead of ‘iss’,
‘uh’ instead of ‘ii’,
simple as can be,
see, ‘Saoirse Ronan’

[music stops]

See? Easy. So easy.

[Kate McKinnon walks in]

Kate McKinnon: Hey, girl. How are you doing?

Saoirse Ronan: Oh, hey, Kate. You’ve come to sing the song with me?

Kate McKinnon: No. Honey, the song is not as helpful as you think it is. Okay? You might be the only person who can pronounce the name.

Saoirse Ronan: Oh, please, Kate. Just try the song with me.

Kate McKinnon: Oh, lovely bones. I can’t say no to you. Alright, let’s go.

[music playing]

Saoirse Ronan and Leslie Jones: It’s Saoirse with an ‘er’,
not Cercie with an ‘or’,
coz Cercie goes with ‘or’, not ‘er’
it’s ‘shh’ instead of ‘iss’,
‘uh’ instead of ‘ii’,
simple as can be,
see, ‘Saoirse Ronan’

Saoirse Ronan: Wow, Kate. You really got it there.

Kate McKinnon: Of course, I got it. I’m fluent in nonsense. It’s my sixth season. Do you know how many raccoons I’ve played in this show?

[Kate McKinnon walks out. Aidy Bryant walks in.]

Aidy Bryant: Well, hey there.

Saoirse Ronan: Aidy!

Aidy Bryant: You know, I just wanted you to know that I can say your name because I am also Irish. Just in the sense that my teeth are super soft and I think salt is spicy, and I always leave without saying goodbye.

Saoirse Ronan: Oh, okay. Well, let’s try this.

[music playing]

It’s– [Aidy Bryant walks out]

She’s gone. She’s gone. She really did the Irish goodbye there. Which just so you all understand is not an actual Irish tradition. It’s just quite rude.

[Beck Bennett walks in]

Beck Bennett: Hey, Sorges.

Saoirse Ronan: Oh! Hey, Beck, it’s atually–

Beck Bennett: You know, people mess up my name all the time too. So, I made up a little song on my own.

[music playing] [singing] It’s Beck with a B
and Beck with and E
and Beck with a C
It’s Beck!

Saoirse Ronan: That… was… It was lovely. Um, I don’t think you spelled that quite right, but well done. How about all just try on my song together? Yes?

[Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant join them]

Saoirse Ronan, Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant: [singing] It’s Saoirse with an ‘er’,
not Cercie with an ‘or’,  (Beck with a B)

coz Cercie goes with ‘or’, not ‘er’ (Beck with an A)
it’s ‘shh’ instead of ‘iss’,
‘uh’ instead of ‘ii’, (Beck with a C)
simple as can be,

[Leslie Jones runs in]

Leslie Jones: It’s Ersha!

Saoirse Ronan: We have got a great show for you tonight. ULeslie Jones is here. So stick around and we’ll be right back.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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