Scarlett Johansson 5th Monologue


Scarlett Johansson

Kate McKinnon

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Scarlett Johansson.

[Scarlett Johansson walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Scarlett Johansson: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. I am so happy to be back here at SNL. You know, the last time I hosted was in twentyfifteen when the most upsetting thing in the news was that ‘Mad Men’ was ending. But now, this is my 5th time hosting SNL. [cheers and applause] And Kenan was nice enough to make a highlight real with the best moments from my first four shows. So, let’s take a look.

[Cut to short video clips from past Scarlett Johansson features in SNL. But the clips have the dialogs only from Kenan Thompson and very less appearance from Scarlett Johansson.] [Cut to Scarlett Johansson]

Okay. That was more about Kenan than me. But, um, anyways, this is a huge milestone in my life. SNL feels like a home to me now. Which–

[Kate McKinnon walks in]

Kate McKinnon: Scar-jo. Hey, what’s up? [Kate McKinnon kisses Scarlett Johansson on cheeks few times]

Scarlett Johansson: Oh, K-Mc. I haven’t seen you in a while.

Kate McKinnon: I know. Well, I was actually at the Oscars with you, remember?

Scarlett Johansson: I didn’t see you there. I’m sorry.

Kate McKinnon: Oh, well, it was my first time there. And apparently there are tiers and you’re in a tier that I think is higher because I tried to get your attention at one point and I was tased.

Scarlett Johansson: Oh, what? Did you go to any of the Afterparties?

Kate McKinnon: Yeah. I sure did. I sure did. Which one did you go to?

Scarlett Johansson: I went to Vanity Fair.

Kate McKinnon: Oh, cool, cool. That sounds fun. Yeah, I went to the Purina Dog Chow meet and greet. It was cool. It was an extremely cash bar. But– But I got to rub shoulders with the likes of Harvey Levin from TMZ and the house slipper guy who held a gun to his wife’s head.

Scarlett Johansson: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. You know, Kate and I just did a movie together called ‘The Rough Night’. [cheers and applause] The trailer debuted last week. So, let’s just take a look at it.

[Cut to a video clip of Kenan Thompson’s Fat Albert movie.]

Kenan: Hey, hey, hey! It’s Fat Albert.

[Cut to Scarlett Johansson and Kate McKinnon]

Scarlett Johansson: Okay, we have to stop letting Kenan handle the clips. You know, he has been here the longest and he never lets us forget it.

[Kenan Thompson walks in]

Kenan Thompson: Yeah, that’s right, Catherine. [Kenan Thompson gives Kate McKinnon a huge bag] Um, light on the starch. Let’s see if you can get it right this time. [Kate McKinnon walks out with the bag] And Scarlett, how did the clip package go over?

Scarlett Johansson: They were just clips of you.

Kenan Thompson: Oh, so it went well. Good. Good to hear. And in honor of your 5th time hosting, we have a very special 5-timer’s jacket just for you.

[Kate McKinnon walks in and puts the 5-timer’s jacket on Scarlett Johansson]

Scarlett Johansson: Ooh! Thank you. Thank you, guys. It means a lot to me.

Kenan Thompson: You are very welcome. And you’re always welcome here any time. Now let us sing the sacred and solemn 5-timer’s song that has been sung since the show began.

[music playing]

Kate McKinnon and Kenan Thompson: [singing] Five
five times
five times hosting

All: Five
five times
five times hosting

Scarlett Johansson: Wait, wait, is this the song from the Subway commercial?

Kenan Thompson: I am not realizing that it is.

Scarlett Johansson: We have a great show. Lorde is here. So stick around and we’ll be right back.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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