Turtle Shirt

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Jimmy Fallon

Kyle Mooney

Pete Davidson

Bobby Moynihan

Sasha… Vanessa Bayer

Beck Bennett

Sasheer Zamata

[Starts with Jimmy  joking around with his office colleagues]

Jimmy : I’m serious. I went to this lunch thing at his house. And it was like sears all the way. [everyone laughing] Also, have you ever noticed how low the hairline is. [Kyle walks in behind Jimmy ] I think it’s where his eyebrows start. [everyone laughing]

Kyle: Patrick! Can I walk with you in my office?

[Jimmy  turns around looking scared]

Female voice: You’ve been caught talking about your boss again? If you could only hide somewhere. Now, you can. Inside your shirt.

[music playing] [Jimmy  pulls his head inside his shirt like turtle hiding in it’s shell.]

The turtle shirt, by Swag.

Turtle shirts are made from plastrals and keratinous scutes. The same materials from which a turtle’s shell is made. Our shirts offer an mazing and comfortable place to wait out any unwanted and embarrassing situations.

[Cut to a party]

Pete: Great party.

Bobby: Thanks Jeff.

Sasha: Uh, here you go.

Pete: Hey, have you met my wife?

Pete: You know, I haven’t. Can I just say, your hair is so pretty that it actually kind of looks fake.

[Bobby and Sasha looks at each other]

Bobby: Sasha works with orangutans and one of them took her scalp off.

Sasha: It capped me. That’s the primary term for it.

Bobby: The top of her head is completely fake.

[Pete is embarrassed. Pete pulls his head and hands inside the shirt like turtle hiding in it’s shell.]

Female voice: It’s like having a personal panic room on your back.

[Cut to Beck walking to his friends]

Beck: Hey, who wants to see a picture of my new baby?

Sasheer: Oh, yeah. I’d love to. [Beck shows Sasheer a picture] This is a penis.

Beck: What is?

Sasheer: This picture is a penis.

Beck: Oh, my god! No. That’s not my baby.

Sasheer: Was that your penis?

Beck: Yeah, right. I doubt it.

[Sasheer is staring at Beck] [Beck is embarrassed. Beck pulls his head, hands and legs inside the shirt like turtle hiding in it’s shell.]

Female voice: Turtle shirt, by Swag. Available only at Lord and Taylor.

Male voice: Warning: Lying on your back while inside the turtle shirt may result to death.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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