Weekend Update


Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of Australian map and a pregnant lady]

Colin Jost: A woman in Australia gave birth to a 13 pound baby, completely ruining her down under. It’s gonna get worse. Doctors say it has left her with what you might call a blooming onion. Sorry. I’m so sorry.

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Austrian flag and bees at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Police in Austria report that more than 1 million bees have been stolen from a local park. Or, and hear me out, they just flew away. They’re bees.

[Picture changes to dogs]

An ice cream parlor has begun serving ice creams specially made for dogs to eat. So, take that, Africa! Ha-ha. It even comes in dogs’ two favorite flavors. Bacon and butt.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a baby at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: A new study finds that infants start to show racist tendencies between 6 and 9 months of age. And by the time they’re two, they’re already yelling at Dora [picture changes to Dora the explorer] to speak English.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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