Michael Che[Starts with Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of Australian map and a pregnant lady]
Colin Jost: A woman in Australia gave birth to a 13 pound baby, completely ruining her down under. It’s gonna get worse. Doctors say it has left her with what you might call a blooming onion. Sorry. I’m so sorry.[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Austrian flag and bees at right top corner.]
Michael Che: Police in Austria report that more than 1 million bees have been stolen from a local park. Or, and hear me out, they just flew away. They’re bees.[Picture changes to dogs]
An ice cream parlor has begun serving ice creams specially made for dogs to eat. So, take that, Africa! Ha-ha. It even comes in dogs’ two favorite flavors. Bacon and butt.[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of a baby at left top corner.]
Colin Jost: A new study finds that infants start to show racist tendencies between 6 and 9 months of age. And by the time they’re two, they’re already yelling at Dora [picture changes to Dora the explorer] to speak English.