Weekend Update- Angel


Michel Che

Angel… Heidi Gardner

Colin Jost

[Starts with Michel Che in his set]

Michel Che: There has been a lot of serious stories this week, but here with Weekend Update’s good news report is every boxer’s girlfriend from every movie about boxing ever, please welcome Angel.

[Angel slides in] [cheers and applause]

Angel: [cracking voice] Hey, Michael.

Michel Che: Hey, Angel. So, how was your week?

Angel: You know. I’m okay. I’m hanging in there.

Michel Che: So, I hear you got some good news for us?

Angel: Well, you know, Tommy is fighting tonight. So, I’ve been better.

Michel Che: Well, I hope he wins.

[Cut to Angel]

Angel: Yeah. Well, I hope he stays alive to see our kids grow up. So, how many more hits till it’s enough?

[Cut to Michel Che and Angel]

Michel Che: Are you going to the fight, at least?

Angel: No. No. [Cut to Angel] I told him if he fights again, I’m taking the kids to my sister’s. So that’s where I’ll be. You know now. And Colin ,I want you to know too, we’ll be at my sister’s.

[Cut to Colin Jost, Michel Che and Angel. Colin Jost is holding a coffee mug.]

Colin Jost: Okay.

Michel Che: You know what, you are here to talk about news. So, let’s do that. Holiday spending is expected to be up this year.

Angel: [upset voice] Oh, come on.

Michel Che: Oh, did I say something?

[Cut to Angel]

Angel: You know, I- I- I’ve been here before with you, holiday spending a lot, okay? Ya, up and we’re happy and things were good. And then, boom, you’re down. Okay? And I can’t watch that. [Cut to Michel Che and Angel. Michel Che is confused.] I know I worked in a lot of bars in my life. But I deserve to be happy for my kids, Mikey, Nikki and Peppers. [Cut to Angel] So, if you’re going to do this holiday spending, I’m taking the kids to my sisters.

[Cut to Michel Che and Angel]

Michel Che: Okay.

Angel: Do you hear me?

Michel Che: Yeah. I know.

Angel: Does Colin know? Colin, we’ll be at my sister’s.

[Cut to Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: And I’m aware. Yeah, thank you.

[Cut to Michel Che and Angel]

Michel Che: Let’s move on to some good news. Apple predicts its release of their new iPhone X will be their biggest of all time.

Angel: [upset voice] Okay.

Michel Che: Oh, no. Alright.

Angel: You know what? When is gonna stop? Every year? A new iPhone? [Cut to Angel] And you know what? They tell me it’s different this time. But you know what? I don’t give up on my old iPhone after a year. You think– you think you are the fighter? I’m the fighter. I’ve still got my 4S. Yeah, that’s right. That’s right.

[Cut to Michel Che and Angel]

Michel Che: You should really get a new phone.

Angel: Yeah, yeah. What kind of woman would I be if I did that? Okay? You know where I’m going to be the day the phone comes out?

Michel Che: Yeah. At your sister’s.

Angel: At my sister’s. Yes. With my kids, yes. Colin, did you hear that?

[Cut to Colin Jost, Michel Che and Angel]

Colin Jost: I can hear everything you are saying. Yes.

Michel Che: He’s right here. Well, we all heard you, Angel. Let’s talk about something happy. The snoopy balloon will be returning for the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade.

[Cut to Angel]

Angel: [upset voice] Oh, come on, Snoopy, you’re 60 years old. Alright? I can’t take it. You can’t take it. You know how many men it takes to hold you up? You are done. You’re a broken down piece of rubber. Alright? And if you think for a second that I’m taking my kids to that parade and not my sister’s, you got another thing coming, Michael. Okay?

[Cut to Michel Che and Angel]

Michel Che: No. I hear you, Angel. Just out of curiosity, where are you kids now?

Angel: At my sister’s.

Michel Che: Right! Every boxer’s girlfriend, everybody.

Angel: I’m the fighter. I’m the fighter.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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