Weekend Update Bruce Chandling


Michael Che

Bruce Chandling… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: Thanksgiving is next week and here with his unique take on the holiday is veteran stand-up comic. You know, he helped me out a lot when I first started. Please welcome, Bruce Chandling.

[Bruce Chandling slides in] [cheers and applause]

Bruce Chandling: Oh, hey, hey!

Michael Che: How are you?

Bruce Chandling: Hey, Michael. Good to be here. [delivering bad punch line] Now, where is the food, dude?

Michael Che: Um, Bruce, as you know, thanksgiving isn’t until next Thursday.

Bruce Chandling: No, I know. I’m just– I’m very hungry. We gotta love thanksgiving, right? I love the story of thanksgiving. Pilgrims come to America. [Cut to Bruce Chandling] They are on this big boat. But it’s not an easy journey. They gotta deal with the cold weather, cramped quarters, people getting sick, and worst of all, [delivering bad punch line] bad satellite reception when they are trying to watch the big game.

[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]

Michael Che: I’m sorry, you think that pilgrims had TV but with bad reception?

Bruce Chandling: Exactly. The star of the show is the big meal, right? Coz I’m the corn on the cob guy. You heard about this? [Michael Che shakes his head no] [Cut to Bruce Chandling]You’ve seen this? You know, I can’t get enough of the stuff. But the Indians, they don’t call it corn. They call it maize. [delivering bad punch line] As in, maize i have a second helping?

[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]

Michael Che: Oh, Bruce, man, I don’t like that one at all.

Bruce Chandling: Hey, what’s the matter, Michael? [delivering bad punch line] Too corny?

Michael Che: Hey, please stop.

Bruce Chandling: Hey, just 45 minutes left. By the way, you know, thanks for helping out a fellow comic. It really means a lot to me.

Michael Che: I think we’re pretty different, actually.

Bruce Chandling: No. Of course, the day after thanksgiving, they got Black Friday. Heard about this one? Seen this?

Michael Che: Yeah, I’ve hear of it.

Bruce Chandling: It’s where you got all the deals at the mini mall.

Michael Che: Mini mall?

[Cut to Bruce Chandling]

Bruce Chandling: Ay, the Mini mall. Personally, I think they should change the name from Black Friday to Black and Blue Friday. [delivering bad punch line] Because that’s how you are going to look if you get between me and the hottest toy.

[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]

Michael Che: Bruce, you’re not actually fighting people for toys, are you?

Bruce Chandling: Don’t worry, Michael. I ain’t. [Cut to Bruce Chandling] [being emotional] I mean, even if I got the toy, I wouldn’t have anyone special to give it to. I always wanted to have a little Bruce, you know? But I can’t. Because my body don’t work that way.

[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]

Michael Che: Hey, I’m sorry about that, Bruce.

Bruce Chandling: IT’s probably for the best.

Michael Che: Don’t say that.

Bruce Chandling: I wouldn’t even be able to take care of him. I can’t get a job. Don’t even know how to write cursive.

Michael Che: I don’t think you need to know cursive to get a job.

Bruce Chandling: The problem is, I don’t know non-cursive either.

Michael Che: Oh, yeah, Bruce, seems like you’re having a rough time. You know what? Why don’t you come over and celebrate thanksgiving with me and my family. How about that?

Bruce Chandling: Hmm. I guess. [Cut to Bruce Chandling] You know what they say…

Michael Che: Oh, dude!

Bruce Chandling: [delivering bad punch line] Where’s the food, dude?

[Cut to Michael Che and Bruce Chandling]

Michael Che: That was the worst one yet. Bruce Chandling, everybody.

Bruce Chandling: Hey, still got 42 minutes left.

Michael Che: No. You’re done.

[Cut to Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: I think he’s getting better.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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