Weekend Update- Cecilia Gimenez on Cristiano Ronaldo Bust


Colin Jost

Cecilia Giminez… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Last week an airport in Portugal unveiled a bust of their most famous soccer player Christiano Ronaldo who looks like this, [Cut to picture of Christiano Ronaldo] but the statue came out like this. [Picture changes to a bad statue of Christiano Ronaldo.] [Michael Che laughing] [Cut to Colin Jost]

Now, here to get her take is the artist that made Spain’s famous echo homo Jesus painting, Ms. Cecilia Giminez.

[Cecilia Giminez slides in]

Hello, Cecilia, welcome.

Cecilia Giminez: Well, star! Now, do not worry about the Ronaldo sculpture. People are going to love it.

Colin Jost: Really? Well, you know, people love your Jesus painting now. It has actually become a huge tourist attraction.

Cecilia Giminez: Yes. It has. It’s true, Colin. Jesus has blessed me. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez.][Cecilia Giminez shows a picture of his painting] At night he come to me, he look upon me with his kind dark snake eyes and he said, “You are blessed, Cecilia.” And I thanked Jesus for everything he has done and he said to me, “Hah!”

[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: That’s great. yeah. [Cecilia Giminez starts putting her face on the picture] Okay, Cecilia. It worked out for you. It worked out for you. Kind of. It worked out for you, right? So, maybe it could work out for the sculpture too.

Cecilia Giminez: Of course, Colin. Well, its’ a beautiful art.  Look at this. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez] [Cecilia GiminezShowing a picture of bad Christiano Ronaldo sculpture.] Wow!

Colin Jost: Yeah. Very special.

Cecilia Giminez: Wow! The first question any great sculpture must ask about his subject is ‘what would he look like if he had a stroke?’ But he had the stroke while saying ‘Cheese.’ You see? Look at his eyes. They love each other. They want to be together. They are like a little lesbian teenagers at a sleepover trying to push their beds together in the night. It’s perfect. Look at this. It’s like they take my beautiful Ronaldo face and they put it through a snap chat filter where all the features are twisted and sucked into the nose.

[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Do you really fell like this looks anything like Ronaldo?

Cecilia Giminez: Of course it does. It’s perfect. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez] It’s the spitting image of my Ronaldo and that’s why so many people spit on it. Look at the details. Look at this gorgeous smile. That’s a smile that says, “I got a fish in my mouth and I’m trying to keep it in there.” And just to show soccer is not just for boys, they make the neck out of a little vagina. It’s so beautiful.

[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]

It’s a beautiful detail.

Colin Jost: Yes, yes, I see how you might like this, but I feel like there are a lot of soccer fans out there who think it’s pretty bad.

Cecilia Giminez: Why? This is a perfect image of Ronaldo playing football. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez] See how the artist captures his look right when the ball hit him in the face?

[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Now, this sculpture is currently at an airport. Do you think people are gonna want to see this sculpture at an airport?

Cecilia Giminez: They’re gonna love it. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez] See, when you travel, you tire. You feel so sad. You wanna see a friendly face. The face of a man who pets a bunny so much it dies. You know?

[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Yeah. It’s a great point.

Cecilia Giminez: [feeling Colin Jost’s biceps] Oh my god. Wow.

Colin Jost: Now, what is your next project? You know what you’re working on?

Cecilia Giminez: I’ve got a news, Colin. NBC has commissioned a statue for you out side and guess who they hired to do it?

Colin Jost: Who did they hire?

Cecilia Giminez: Me.

Colin Jost: Ha-ha. Wow. I could have guessed that. Yes. So you’re doing a statue of me?

Cecilia Giminez: I did. I already did it. Look at this.

[Cut to bad statue of Colin Jost’s face.] [Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Cecilia Giminez, everyone.

Cecilia Giminez: Thank you, Jesus.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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