Colin Jost
Cecilia Giminez… Kate McKinnon
[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]Colin Jost: Last week an airport in Portugal unveiled a bust of their most famous soccer player Christiano Ronaldo who looks like this, [Cut to picture of Christiano Ronaldo] but the statue came out like this. [Picture changes to a bad statue of Christiano Ronaldo.] [Michael Che laughing] [Cut to Colin Jost]
Now, here to get her take is the artist that made Spain’s famous echo homo Jesus painting, Ms. Cecilia Giminez.
[Cecilia Giminez slides in]Hello, Cecilia, welcome.
Cecilia Giminez: Well, star! Now, do not worry about the Ronaldo sculpture. People are going to love it.
Colin Jost: Really? Well, you know, people love your Jesus painting now. It has actually become a huge tourist attraction.
Cecilia Giminez: Yes. It has. It’s true, Colin. Jesus has blessed me. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez.][Cecilia Giminez shows a picture of his painting] At night he come to me, he look upon me with his kind dark snake eyes and he said, “You are blessed, Cecilia.” And I thanked Jesus for everything he has done and he said to me, “Hah!”
[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]Colin Jost: That’s great. yeah. [Cecilia Giminez starts putting her face on the picture] Okay, Cecilia. It worked out for you. It worked out for you. Kind of. It worked out for you, right? So, maybe it could work out for the sculpture too.
Cecilia Giminez: Of course, Colin. Well, its’ a beautiful art. Look at this. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez] [Cecilia GiminezShowing a picture of bad Christiano Ronaldo sculpture.] Wow!
Colin Jost: Yeah. Very special.
Cecilia Giminez: Wow! The first question any great sculpture must ask about his subject is ‘what would he look like if he had a stroke?’ But he had the stroke while saying ‘Cheese.’ You see? Look at his eyes. They love each other. They want to be together. They are like a little lesbian teenagers at a sleepover trying to push their beds together in the night. It’s perfect. Look at this. It’s like they take my beautiful Ronaldo face and they put it through a snap chat filter where all the features are twisted and sucked into the nose.
[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]Colin Jost: Do you really fell like this looks anything like Ronaldo?
Cecilia Giminez: Of course it does. It’s perfect. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez] It’s the spitting image of my Ronaldo and that’s why so many people spit on it. Look at the details. Look at this gorgeous smile. That’s a smile that says, “I got a fish in my mouth and I’m trying to keep it in there.” And just to show soccer is not just for boys, they make the neck out of a little vagina. It’s so beautiful.
[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]It’s a beautiful detail.
Colin Jost: Yes, yes, I see how you might like this, but I feel like there are a lot of soccer fans out there who think it’s pretty bad.
Cecilia Giminez: Why? This is a perfect image of Ronaldo playing football. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez] See how the artist captures his look right when the ball hit him in the face?
[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]Colin Jost: Now, this sculpture is currently at an airport. Do you think people are gonna want to see this sculpture at an airport?
Cecilia Giminez: They’re gonna love it. [Cut to Cecilia Giminez] See, when you travel, you tire. You feel so sad. You wanna see a friendly face. The face of a man who pets a bunny so much it dies. You know?
[Cut to Cecilia Giminez and Colin Jost]Colin Jost: Yeah. It’s a great point.
Cecilia Giminez: [feeling Colin Jost’s biceps] Oh my god. Wow.
Colin Jost: Now, what is your next project? You know what you’re working on?
Cecilia Giminez: I’ve got a news, Colin. NBC has commissioned a statue for you out side and guess who they hired to do it?
Colin Jost: Who did they hire?
Cecilia Giminez: Me.
Colin Jost: Ha-ha. Wow. I could have guessed that. Yes. So you’re doing a statue of me?
Cecilia Giminez: I did. I already did it. Look at this.
Colin Jost: Cecilia Giminez, everyone.
Cecilia Giminez: Thank you, Jesus.
