Weekend Update on Donald Trump’s Asia Trip

0
(0)

Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Weekend Update intro]

Announcer: It’s Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che.

[cheers and applause] [Cut to Colin Jost and Michael Che in their new set]

Colin Jost: Thank you. Good evening everyone.

Michael Che: Welcome to Weekend Update. I’m Michael Che.

Colin Jost: I’m Colin Jost.

[Cut to Colin Jost in his news set. There’s a picture of calendar marking 11th of November at left top corner.]

Well, it’s veteran’s day and Donald Trump celebrated by finally going to Vietnam. First lady Melania Trump stayed behind in China to visit the Beijing zoo while Trump continued on to Vietnam where he met with Russian president Vladimir Putin in their best Hillary Clinton blouses. During the meeting, Putin denied meddling in the election and Trump said he believes him. But keep in mind, Trump also believed his wife when she said she was staying behind to visit the zoo. That’s my favorite new excuse for when you don’t want to hang out with someone. “Oh, man, I’d love to. But I got zoo stuff.”

During a speech in South Korea, president Trump warned North Korea to not under estimate us and do not try us. Which sounds tough, but then he immediately left the country. It’s like if in Braveheart, [Picture changes to William Wallace from the movie Braveheart] William Wallace ended his speech with, “And they will never take our freedom. Anyway, I gotta run. Zoo stuff. Peace.”

[Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Earlier this week, North Korea issued a statement calling president Trump a lunatic old man. And few hours ago, Trump responded by tweeting, “Why would Kim Jong-Un insult me by calling me old, when I would never call him short and fat?” Now, a lot of times Donald Trump goes way over the line with his tweets. But this time, that was pretty damn funny. I mean look at how vein and catty he is. They’re like, “You lunatic old man.” And he’s like, “Old?”

President miss thing also said that this week’s shooting in Texas isn’t a gun situation but a mental health problem at the highest level. But why can’t it be both? I mean, why can’t it be that because we have a mental health problem, we now have a gun situation? Just like how because my little cousin has a crack problem, my aunt now has a missing silverware situation.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of people walking in cold at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: well, it’s a good weekend to stay inside since it’s 20 degrees out and everyone you ever heard of is a sex monster.

[Picture changes to Roy Moore]

Alabama republican senate candidate Roy Moore has been accused of having inappropriate sexual relations when he was in his 30s with several teenage girls. Now, I’m not saying he’s guilty but his naughty little cowboy outfit is screaming it. He looks like a guy who shows up to ‘West world’ and he is like, “Hey, can someone show me where the middle school is? [Michael Che laughing] And how are we still surprised that someone who puts up the ten commandments everywhere doesn’t actually follow them? What’s next? It turns out the guy who always jokes about masturbating wasn’t joking about masturbating? [Picture changes to Louis C.K.] [Cut to Michael Che. There’s a picture of Roy Moore at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Alright.Alabama state auditor Jim Zeigler defended Roy Moore using Mary and Joseph examples saying “Mary was a teenager, Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus.” Oh, word? So, that’s what you’re going with? Roy Moore was trying to make a Jesus? Okay. So, I guess, R Kelly was just trying to make it rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments