Weekend Update on Woman’s Selfie Accident

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Colin Jost

Michael Che

[Starts with Michael Che in his news set. There’s a picture of a bridge at right top corner.]

Michael Che: A woman in California was injured after she fell 60 feet while trying to take a selfie from a bridge. Worse, she not long has a good side.

[Cut to Colin Jost. There’s a picture of Melania Trump at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: White House unveiled Melania Trump’s official portrait this week and it turns out she posed in front of same giant spider web that I did back in 5th grade. [Picture changes to baby Colin Jost.] [Picture changes to People’s magazine]

Well, it’s official. Barry Manilow is gay.

Michael Che: Official? [laughing]

Colin Jost: This story was first reported in the comment section of his YouTube videos.

[Picture changes to a woman’s sillhoutte.]

An 28 year old woman in Romania has reported auctioned her virginity to a Hong Kong businessman for $2.5 million, which is the second worse thing someone has done for money this week. [Picture changes to Kylie Jenner’s picture from Pepsi ad.] [Cut to Michael Che. There is a picture of rhino and Ohio state at right top corner.]

Michael Che: Officials at Cleveland zoo have announced that one of the critically endangered black rhinos is pregnant. Still no word on if she plans to keep it.

[Picture changes to

New research shows that the first 59% of people on their chocolate Easter bunnies are the ears. While the rest are like, “Me and go straight for that butt.”

[Cut to Colin Jost. There is a picture of Yahoo and Aol logo at left top corner.]

Colin Jost: It was reported that Yahoo and Aol will combine to form a new company because no one wants to die alone. [cheers and applause] [Picture changes to manatees]

And Manatees. [One audience cheer hard] [Michael Che laughing] You own one? Manatees have recently been upgraded from endangered to merely threatened. So, for a limited time only, the McManatee is back. For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che. Goodnight.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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