Weekend Update- Pete Davidson’s First Impressions of the Trump Administration


Michael Che

Pete Davidson

[Starts with Michael Che in his set]

Michael Che: Each week brings a new controversy of President Trump as well as another person who has to defend him to the media. Here to sort them out is Pete Davidson with his First Impressions.

[Pete Davidson slides in]

Pete Davidson: Yeah. What up? Look, um, defending president Trump is really tough job. [Cut to Pete Davidson] A couple of weeks ago they brought out this guy. [There’s a picture of Steven Millar at right top corner.] Trump spokesman and Janes Bond villain Steve Miller. Poor Steve. He tries to project strength but he looks like Fredo Corleone had been even sicker as a child. Still, you have to give him credit. He’s made it pretty far for guy who is in high school voted “Most likely to have a cigar box full of missing girl’s driver’s licenses.” He lasted about a week. Then they got to deputy White House press secretary, [Picture changes to Sarah Huckabee Sanders] Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who is one of those sweet southern girl you marry, if you’re gay. I like that one. [Michael Che laughing] So now, members of congress try to defend Trump, like the head of the house committee on oversight, [Picture changes to Jason Chaffetz] Jason Chaffetz. You probably remember him when he played simple Jack from the movie “Tropic Thunder.” [Picture changes to Simple Jack from Tropic Thunder] [Picture changes to Paul Ryan]

Another person forced to defend Trump is Paul Ryan who got to be the house after someone waved a magic wand over a ventriloquist dummy. All the republicans wanted Paul Ryan to come up with something to replace Obamacare. And now he did, everybody hates it. And I know what this is like, because for years, people have been asking me to quit drugs and get sober. And now that I have, everyone thinks I’m very unfunny and boring. [Michael Che laughing] And hey, at least I have dreams now. And I’ve started waking up with boners again.

[cheers and applause]

Thank you. Thank you very much. [looking at Michael Che] Hard as a rock.

Michael Che: Alright, man.

Pete Davidson: But now– [Michael Che laughing hard] Well, maybe not as great as your’s, but whatever. Sorry. But, you know– [Michael Che laughing hard] Sorry. But no one defends Trump better than FOX News. And it starts every morning with “FOX & Friends.” This is Donald Trump’s favorite show because they trade in for a new blond every two years. This year’s model is Ainsley Earhardt, who looks like she’s with her dad’s friends who keep talking about how much she’s grown.

[Picture changes to Sean Hannity]

Of course, the king of Trump supporters if Sean Hannity. He looks like a thumb which explains why he’s so far up Trump’s ass. [cheers and applause] I hate him too. I guess he likes Trump, because his hair is also really weird. And the top of his head looks like two eyebrows got to live their dream of being hair.

[Cut to Michael Che and Pete Davidson]

Michael Che: Ah! So that’s what it is. Pete Davidson, everybody.

Pete Davidson: I’m getting boners again.

Colin Jost: For Weekend Update, I’m Colin Jost.

Michael Che: I’m Michael Che, goodnight!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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