Weekend Update- Ruth Bader Ginsburg on Neil Gorsuch

Colin Jost

Ruth Bader Ginsburg… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: Supreme court is also back in session this week with new Trump appointed justice Neil Gorsuch. Here to comment is liberal justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

[Ruth Bader Ginsburg slides in]

[cheers and applause]

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Let me at ’em. Let me at ’em. Put ’em up.

Colin Jost: You are coming in swinging, justice.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Colin, no, I can’t go on a swing. I’m too tiny. Last time I went on a swing, I ended up in space.

Colin Jost: Okay. Alright. So, what do you think of your new colleague, Neil Gorsuch?

[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg]

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Ugh! This new guy, yap-yap-yap-yap-yap. If I knew he was coming in so hot, I would have worn an oven mitt. Which is what I use as a sleeping bed. But, I will say, Colin, it’s nice to have nine justices again, because for the last year, we’ve been a hung jury. Except for justice Alito. That guy legislates from the bench, but he measures from the balls. That’s a Gins-burn! What?

[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost]

[Music playing. Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing.]

Colin Jost: Alright. Just, well, you might not have a full bench for long coz justice Kennedy says he’s considering retiring. Are you worried about that?

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Of course, I am. [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg] I can’t wait to see the goon Trump brings in next. The honorable justice Steven Seagal? Kennedy was supposed to be our swing vote, right? If he goes, it’s gonna be just Roberts. And if he swing and I’m taking my keys out of the bowl. You smell that? What is that?

[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: I don’t kow.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: What is– it smells like smoke. What is it? It’s a Gins-burn.

[Music playing. Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing.]

Colin Jost: Yeah, right. Yes. And Kennedy could be the decisive vote in this big new Gerrymandering decision that’s coming up.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Yes. Gerrymandering! [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg] Thank you for saying. Look at this. [Ruth Bader Ginsburg pulls out a chart with six lands marked red] Gerrymandering districts. Look at the way the politicians redrew these maps. That’s not a district. That’s a tape worm. They snip. They snip a little here, a little there. Hello, we see what you are doing. It’s like they’re at a cocktail party, they’re taking all the shrimp. And all the democrats are left with this sweaty cheddar. By the way, sweaty cheddar is what they call Steve Bannon in college. Ouch! That’s a nasty Gins-burn!

[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost]

[Music playing. Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing.]

Colin Jost: Wow! You blew your glasses off. That’s amazing.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: At my age.

Colin Jost: It does seem like you are in good spirits, justice.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: I got to be, Colin. [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg] The supreme court justice is the only job where people openly place bets on when you’re going to croak. Well, jokes on you. I made a deal with our female god that I would trade height for years. So, by 2095, I’m going to be the size of a play mobile but I’ll still gonna be kicking ass and taking Boniva.

[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: So, you are determined to stay and fight?

Ruth Bader Ginsburg: Yeah. Who else is going to do it? [Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg] It’s always a woman. It just goes with the territory when you have got Yavoa. Or in my case, two little oxygen masks like they’ve got on an airplane. They look empty and they only drop down in an emergency. That’s a self-Gins-burn. Hello.

[Cut to Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Colin Jost]

[Music playing. Ruth Bader Ginsburg starts dancing.]

Colin Jost: Justice Rugh Bader Ginsburg, everyone.