Weekend Update- Theresa May


Colin Jost

Theresa May… Kate McKinnon

[Starts with Colin Jost in his set]

Colin Jost: The British parliament erupted anger this week after president Trump retweeted anti-Muslim videos from a British hate group. Here to respond is British prime minister, Theresa May.

[Theresa May slides in] [cheers and applause]

Theresa May: Yes. Hello, Colin. It’s lovely to be here. The United Kingdom sends it’s appreciation for a special friendship that we share.

Colin Jost: Really? Coz things seem to be a little tense right now between you and president Trump.

Theresa May: Um-hmm. But, you know the Brits. [Cut to Theresa May] Stiff upper lip. Then when dealing with Trump, it’s a kin to stiff upper lip, stiff lower lip, stiff neck, arms, legs and you’re pretty much playing dead. But the British people know I can give it as good as I get it. I’m not afraid of a little social media fisty caps.

[Cut to Theresa May and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Yeah. You and president. I saw you really got into it on Twitter.

Theresa May: Yes. And I’ve never felt more live. [Cut to Theresa May] I saw Trump’s offensive re-tweets and I’ve put that man on blast. Listen to this epic takedown. [clears her throat] “It is wrong for the president to have done this.” Savage! Flame emoji. I am practically a troll now.

[Cut to Theresa May and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Right. Right. And then Trump tweeted back at you and told you to back off.

Theresa May: Yes. But the bitch tagged the wrong Theresa May. It’s internet 101 baby. [Cut to Theresa May] Umm. It’s thrilling to engage in a flame war. To dunk on a thirsty bitch. It’s electric. I am hard. I am actually hard.

[Cut to Theresa May and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Wow. Yeah. This is a whole new Theresa May.

Theresa May: Yes. I’m on a road now, daddy. [Cut to Theresa May] Who else wants to go a few rounds with Theresa Mayweather? Kim Jung-Un? Oh, take this tweet. “Mr. Kim Jung-Uh. Good sir. Do grow up. #Please”

Colin Jost: It’s pretty good.

Theresa May: Talk about getting owned. And hey, Vladimir Putin. Just this. [side eye emoji appears at the bottom of the screen] The side eye emoji. He knows what it means. It’s cold sheet, Colin. He’ll be freaking, I’ll show you, and then I’ll follow it up with a very threatening eggplant.

[Cut to Theresa May and Colin Jost]

Colin Jost: Do you know what that means?

Theresa May: Yes. Eat your vegetables. You hear that? How do you like us now? [Cut to Theresa May] Britain is back, baby! Theresa may be strong and beloved by all. I’m going full Trump and even my own people aren’t safe. Look at this threat I wrote on prince Harry. “Congratulations, Prince Harry, on your upcoming nuptials. (1/4)” “But check it. She outcho league (2/4)” “You look like Ed Sheeran minus the abilities (3/4)” “Nevertheless, would bang (4/4)”

[Cut to Colin Jost and Theresa May]

Colin Jost: Theresa May, everyone!

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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