Zoo Pornographer


Janet Lorado Deekman…Cecily Strong

Alan Overbrook… Bobby Moynihan

Donna Hemming… Scarlett Johansson

Danny Bangs… Mikey Day

Devon… Kenan Thompson

[Starts with show intro]

Female voice: Good morning, good people, good news. It’s “Good day, Denver.”

[Cut to Janet Lorado Deekman and Alan Overbrook in their set]

Janet Lorado Deekman: It’s 7 AM in Denver on this beautiful sunny day. I’m Janet Lorado Deekman along side Alan “fun tie” Overbrook. [making fun of Alan Overbrook’s yellow tie]

Alan Overbrook: What? Ha-ha-ha. This country is a mess. I thought I would help brighten things up with a fun tie.

Janet Lorado Deekman: Yeah, bright is right! Where are my ray-bans?

Alan Overbrook:  Come on!

Janet Lorado Deekman: Lots going on this morning? But first, let’s check in with our field reporter, Donna Heming who is at the Denver zoo with Danny Bangs. Ah! Cool job alert. Professional animal pornographer.

[Cut to Donna Hemming and Danny Bangs]

Donna Hemming: Janet, Alan, it is a real zoo here. And for once I’m not talking about the i-25. Danny bangs has been photographing animals at the zoo for over 10 years. Now, Danny, how in the heck do you get an animal to smile for a photo?

Danny Bangs: Well, I find “say cheese” just makes them hungry.

[Cut to Janet Lorado Deekman]

Janet Lorado Deekman: I’m sorry to interrupt. I have been told I misspoke and referred to Mr. Bangs as an animal pornographer instead of photographer. So, I’m very sorry. And I want to make it very clear that our guest is an animal photographer. Donna?

[Cut to Donna Hemming and Danny Bangs]

Donna Hemming: I got you, Janet. Now, Danny, what is the secret to getting that perfect shot?

Danny Bangs: Well, the key is to make the animals feel comfortable. [The subtitle still has Danny Bangs as animal pornographer] I’ll do anything with them to get the shot I’ll play, be silly, even bribe them with treats.

Donna Hemming: Now what if an animal is in a bad mood? I imagine the lions are divas. Ha-ha.

Danny Bangs: Well, no matter the mood, I love my job. When I get the call, no matter what animal it is, I always come right away. And if an animal is agitated, I find I still capture very real organic moments because there’s beauty in an animal’s raw natural state.

[Cut to Alan Overbrook]

Alan Overbrook: I’m sorry, Donna. Just jumping in real quick to let viewers know that our graphic is incorrect, our guest is an animal photographer. We are going to get that fixed. Why don’t you guys wake up back there? Ha-ha-ha. Back to you, Donna.

[Cut to Donna Hemming and Danny Bangs]

Donna Hemming: Thanks. oh, I see a lot of tweets coming in from the good day Denver live tweeters. You’ve got some fans, Danny.

Danny Bangs: Ooh!

Donna Hemming: @kareninaspen says, “Watching on mute at the gym. What the f is happening?” I guess she can’t believe you have such a cool job. How did you get started?

Danny Bangs: Well, I started with amateur stuff and I would put it online. And National Geographic saw my work, gave me a job and from there, I found my new home here at the Denver Denver Zoo.

Donna Hemming: Wow! We have more tweets here. @zoodarkweb asked, “This dude have any horse stuff?”

Danny Bangs: Sure do. And it’s in all my new book, “The Picture’s a Little Fuzzy: my decade at the Denver Zoo.” It’s very easy to navigate. I did the animals alphabetical. So I started on an Aardvark and finished on a Zebra. Very easy.

Donna Hemming: Well, I encourage everyone to buy the book. Now, a beautiful celebration of a decade’s work. Now, what is it like to work with these cute little baby animals?

[Cut to Janet Lorado Deekman and Alan Overbrook]

Alan Overbrook: [interrupting] No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let’s not talk about baby animals, Donna.

Janet Lorado Deekman: Yeah. Let’s keep the interview about adult consenting animals and can we please fix the graphics?

[Cut to Donna Hemming and Danny Bangs]

Donna Hemming: Well, okay. This book is filled with amazing snaps, but surely there must have been some misfires.

Danny Bangs: Oh, of course. Once I took about 1,000 pictures of this funny little monkey and I blew it. I got home. I realized there was no film in the camera.

Donna Hemming: Ha-ha-ha.

Danny Bangs: Is it okay if I plug my website?

Donna Hemming: Yes, of course. We thought you might want to.

Danny Bangs: Yes, it’s dannybangsanimals.com. Visit it. We just got flagged.

[Devon walks in]

Devon: Pardon me?

Danny Bangs: Oh, Devon, hi. This is Devon. He works at the zoo. He’s a great guy.

Devon: Yeah, don’t touch me.

Danny Bangs: I’m sorry.

Devon: I have been asked to read a statement from the Denver zoo. The Denver zoo does not condone animal pornography in any form. Furthermore, Danny Bangs will no longer have access to animals at the zoo while we investigate the extent of his crimes.

Danny Bangs: Devon, what is this about?

Devon: You know what it’s about, you monster.

[Devon walks out]

Donna Hemming: Well, it certainly is getting wild down here at the Denver zoo. Back to you in the studio.

[Cut to Janet Lorado Deekman and Alan Overbrook]

Janet Lorado Deekman: All right. We have to take a quick break. When we return, the white house round-up and more details on the emerging Danny Bangs scandal at the Denver zoo.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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