A Kanye Place


Cecily Strong

Beck Bennett

Kenan Thompson

Aidy Bryant

David… Donald Glover

[Starts with five people walking in a farm at night. It’s dark. They are whispering while speaking.]

Cecily: I’m so scared.

Beck: Shh. Don’t let the monsters hear us.

Kenan: We have to be quiet.

Aidy: [to Kenan] I love you.

[David is using his phone as he’s walking. He gets surprised.]

David: You guys.

Cecily: Shh.

David: Kanye just tweeted–

Aidy: David! Shh!

David: He said he would have voted for Trump.

Cecily: Wait, seriously? When?

Kenan: Guys, don’t talk unless it’s absolutely necessary. The monsters can’t see us but they can hear us. And if we’re too loud, we’ll all be killed.

[David looks at the phone again]

David: Kanye has the hat and everything.

Beck: Shh!

David: He signed it. He signed the hat, y’all!

Kenan: Let me see that. [in loud voice] Oh, common, Kanye!

[Suddenly something pulls Kenan into the bushes. He’s gone.] [Cut to A Kanye Place video bumper] [Cut to the farm. The other four are still there. Beck gestures not to make a sound.] [David looks at the phone. He is shocked again]

David: Trump tweeted Kanye.

[Beck gestures “We don’t care. Shut up.”]

Aidy: Kanye is a distraction. We should only talk about what’s important.

Beck: Like, how to survive the monsters.

Aidy: And then I guess also like, the midterms. Coz like, what’s happening with that?

Cecily: I don’t know. I can’t keep up.

[David looks at the phone]

David: Guys, they’re at Chrissy Teigen’s house.

Cecily: No, Kanye. Leave Chrissy Teigen out of this.

David: It really feels like damage control.

Cecily: Did Chrissy Teigen cook anything?

[David looks at the phone]

David: Combo.

Beck: Shh. The monsters will hear us.

Aidy: Well, why are we even talking about this?

David: Because it’s out. It’s all about them. And guess who as at the baby shower. Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

Cecily: [in loud voice] From Modern freaking Family?

[Suddenly something pulls Cecily into the bushes. She’s gone.]

Aidy: Oh, my god! She’s gone.

Beck: What if we die here?

David: What if Kanye’s just playing us?

Aidy: You think that’s what’s happening? That is so scary.

David: Thank god he just released a new track.

Aidy: What? But we can’t take the risk of listening to it. Two people just got taken by monsters.

David: I’ve got earbuds.

Aidy: Then cue it up, bitch.

[The music plays without earbuds. Beck takes the phone from them and throws it to the bushes.]

Beck: You idiots.

Aidy: Did he just say, “Poopadi scoop?” [referring to Kanye’s song]

Beck: It doesn’t matter. None of this matters.

Aidy: I need to know if he said “Poopadi scoop.”

[Aidy walks in the bushes to find the phone Beck threw.] [in loud voice] Yes, he said “Poopadi scoop!”

[Suddenly something pulls Aidy into away. Beck and David start running.] [Cut to Beck putting sand on the floor. David is still lookin at a phone. The red lights around them turn on.]

Beck: Oh, no. The red lights. It’s an emergency.

David: I know. Kanye was just on TMZ and he said, “Slavery was a choice.”

Beck: [yelling] Nooo!

[Suddenly something pulls Beck into the bushes. She’s gone.] [Cut to David getting inside a room. There are security camera monitors in that room. There he sees something running on four feet. But David changes the screen visual into Kanye’s speech.]

Kanye: I don’t want y’all to call me fat, so I go liposuction. Right? And they gave me Opoids.

[David takes his phone and starts listening to Kanye’s new music]

David: Hmm, kind of grows on you.

[The monster catches David too.] [The End]

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x