Cecily Strong
Beck Bennett
Kenan Thompson
Aidy Bryant
David… Donald Glover
[Starts with five people walking in a farm at night. It’s dark. They are whispering while speaking.]Cecily: I’m so scared.
Beck: Shh. Don’t let the monsters hear us.
Kenan: We have to be quiet.
Aidy: [to Kenan] I love you.
David: You guys.
Cecily: Shh.
David: Kanye just tweeted–
Aidy: David! Shh!
David: He said he would have voted for Trump.
Cecily: Wait, seriously? When?
Kenan: Guys, don’t talk unless it’s absolutely necessary. The monsters can’t see us but they can hear us. And if we’re too loud, we’ll all be killed.
[David looks at the phone again]David: Kanye has the hat and everything.
Beck: Shh!
David: He signed it. He signed the hat, y’all!
Kenan: Let me see that. [in loud voice] Oh, common, Kanye!
[Suddenly something pulls Kenan into the bushes. He’s gone.] [Cut to A Kanye Place video bumper] [Cut to the farm. The other four are still there. Beck gestures not to make a sound.] [David looks at the phone. He is shocked again]David: Trump tweeted Kanye.
Aidy: Kanye is a distraction. We should only talk about what’s important.
Beck: Like, how to survive the monsters.
Aidy: And then I guess also like, the midterms. Coz like, what’s happening with that?
Cecily: I don’t know. I can’t keep up.
[David looks at the phone]David: Guys, they’re at Chrissy Teigen’s house.
Cecily: No, Kanye. Leave Chrissy Teigen out of this.
David: It really feels like damage control.
Cecily: Did Chrissy Teigen cook anything?
[David looks at the phone]David: Combo.
Beck: Shh. The monsters will hear us.
Aidy: Well, why are we even talking about this?
David: Because it’s out. It’s all about them. And guess who as at the baby shower. Jesse Tyler Ferguson.
Cecily: [in loud voice] From Modern freaking Family?
[Suddenly something pulls Cecily into the bushes. She’s gone.]Aidy: Oh, my god! She’s gone.
Beck: What if we die here?
David: What if Kanye’s just playing us?
Aidy: You think that’s what’s happening? That is so scary.
David: Thank god he just released a new track.
Aidy: What? But we can’t take the risk of listening to it. Two people just got taken by monsters.
David: I’ve got earbuds.
Aidy: Then cue it up, bitch.
[The music plays without earbuds. Beck takes the phone from them and throws it to the bushes.]Beck: You idiots.
Aidy: Did he just say, “Poopadi scoop?” [referring to Kanye’s song]
Beck: It doesn’t matter. None of this matters.
Aidy: I need to know if he said “Poopadi scoop.”
[Aidy walks in the bushes to find the phone Beck threw.] [in loud voice] Yes, he said “Poopadi scoop!” [Suddenly something pulls Aidy into away. Beck and David start running.] [Cut to Beck putting sand on the floor. David is still lookin at a phone. The red lights around them turn on.]Beck: Oh, no. The red lights. It’s an emergency.
David: I know. Kanye was just on TMZ and he said, “Slavery was a choice.”
Beck: [yelling] Nooo!
[Suddenly something pulls Beck into the bushes. She’s gone.] [Cut to David getting inside a room. There are security camera monitors in that room. There he sees something running on four feet. But David changes the screen visual into Kanye’s speech.]Kanye: I don’t want y’all to call me fat, so I go liposuction. Right? And they gave me Opoids.
[David takes his phone and starts listening to Kanye’s new music]David: Hmm, kind of grows on you.
[The monster catches David too.] [The End]