Cardi B[Starts with Aidy, Kate and Cecily talking in SNL office]
Kate: Oh, my god. I can’t stop listening to Cardi B’s new album.
Cecily: Yes. It’s so good. I’m so excited she’s here.
Aidy: I’m obsessed.
Cecily: I love how assertive and bold she is. She just like, says whatever she’s thinking.
Aidy: I know. And I think I need to be more like Cardi B.[Kyle and Beck walk in]
Kyle: Hey, what are you girls doing? Having girl time?
Beck: Yes. Should we come back?
Aidy: What did you say?
Beck: Oh, we just don’t want to interrupt your girl time.
Aidy: [speaking like Cardi B] Oh, well, why don’t you shut your hoe ass up? I’m sick of you hating ass hoes always got something slick to say. Just remember I’m a boss and you a worker you goofy bitch!
Aidy: Ah! Nah, hoe. [to Kyle and Beck] You need to watch your mouth. I’m from The Bronx. I don’t play that [bleep]. [to Kate and Cecily] Come on. [the girls walk out]
Kyle: Is Aidy actually from The Bronx?
Beck: She’s from North Central Phoenix.
Chris: Hey, you talked to Chadwick yet? He’s super cool.
Aidy: No. I’m weirdly nervous to meet him.
Aidy: Coz he’s the Black Panther and I loved the movie and he is very cool and I am very lame.
Chris: You are not lame. Come on
Chadwick: What’s up, Chris?
Chris: What’s up? How do you feel? You good? You know Aidy Bryant, right?
Chadwick: Of course. Oh, my god. I’m a big fan of your’s.
Aidy: [talking like Cardi B] Yeah. I’m not afraid of you bitch.
Chadwick: What’s that?
Aidy: What? Errr! Ooh! Actually, I’m sure you’re used to all these other little bitches being afraid of you but I am not scared, okay? I’m a rider or die, bitch. You see that rock? [showing her engagement ring] Yeah, that actually means I give Conor that very good puddy, okay? I can picture so good that I be screaming my own name during sex. Oh, prrrr.[Aidy walks out. Chadwick and Chris look at each other all confused.]
Chadwick: That’s how you let white girls talk to you around here?
Chris: Only Aidy B. I’m not proud of that.[Cardi B music playing] [Cut to Aidy on the table trying to do the sexy dance like Cardi B. The staffs are looking at her.]
Kenan: Dude, what the hell is going on with Aidy?
Mikey: I think she’s empowered.
Woman: Hey, Aidy. Could you do a quick shoutout for SNL’s instagram?
Aidy: Oh, yeah. Of course. [The woman hands over a phone to Aidy.] Okay, so what should I say?
Woman: Say something to the fans.
Aidy: Okay. [Aidy starts taking selfie video. She’s speaking like Cardi B.] Ah! Stop asking me about the show. The cast sucks, the writers are stupid, I [bleep] them all, they were boring. So, live from The Bronx, y’all can shut the [bleep] up.[talking normally again] And then I– I’m sorry. Do I hit the send?
Woman: [shocked] Yeah. That was good.
Aidy: Yay![Cardi B music playing] [Cut to Aidy in Cardi B’s changing room]
Aidy: Cardi, your music has changed my life. You’ve honestly inspired me to just say what’s on my mind. So, thank you.
Cardi B: You know, I do it for my fans.
Aidy: And I am a fan. But maybe also your best friend. We’re pretty much the same.
Cardi B: Um, can you please get me some water? [speaking softly] I’ma a little worried.
Aidy: Oh, sure. Unless you want me to stay.
Cardi B: No.
Aidy: I have a lot of very short songs that I’ve written.
Cardi B: No.
Aidy: [singing] Subs are good but I prefer pizza, honey.
Cardi B: Okay. Just go.
Aidy: Okay. But before I go, [showing her high heels] these is bloody shoes, coz they’re giving me the worst days of my life.
Cardi B: Just get the [bleep] out of here.
Aidy: Call me.
Cardi B: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.[Aidy walks out]
Aidy: Aidy B and Cardi B, best friends.