Paul… Pete Davidson
Shelby McAllister… Amy Schumer
Summer… Cecily Strong
Jackie… Aidy Bryant
Mason… Chris Redd
Shanile… Leslie Jones
Christopher… Mikey Day
Abissaleth… Kate McKinnon[Starts with “Game Show Network” intro.]
Female voice: You’re watching “Game Show Network.”
Male voice: It’s “Mother Knows Best” where moms and their teams team up to win cash. Here’s your hostess with the mostest, Shelby McAllister.[Shelby walks in]
Shelby: Thank you. Thank you and welcome to “Mother Knows Best.” I’m your host, Shelby. I’m a YouTube sketch comedian and a serious genuine singer. Okay, to find out what our teams are playing for today, let’s check in with our announcer cutie pie Paul.
Paul: Hmm. Please don’t call me that. Just ‘Paul’ please. Our teams are playing for a grand prize of $10,000. And again, just Paul.
Shelby: Hmm, thank you cutie pie Paul. Okay, let’s meet today’s teams. From Fountain Valley, California, 17 year old Summer and her mom Jackie.
Summer: My mom can be really strict.
Jackie: Oh, and if we don’t win today, she’s grounded.
Shelby: From Tempe, Arizona, it’s 16 year old Mace and his mom Shanile.
Mason: My mom says raising kids is full time job.
Shanile: And today, I plan on getting that $10,000 raise.
Shelby: And from Fortress-of-the-Lamb, Pennsylvania, a close community of friends, it’s 17 year old John Christopher and his mom Abissaleth.
Christopher: My mom is my best friend.
Abissaleth: My son is my life. [Christopher and Abissaleth hug closely] He is of me.
Shelby: Awesome! Awesome! Before the show, we asked our teams questions about their moms. If their moms’ answers match up, they get 50 points. First question. Teams, what’s something you do that drives your mom crazy?
Summer: Oh, ma’am, this is easy. My mom hates when I chew my hair.
Jackie: Oh, yeap. I said “Chewing her darn hair.” [showing board with the same thing written.] [right answer bell]
Shelby: Correct. 50 points on the board. Christopher, what’s something you do that annoys your mom?[Christopher and Abissaleth are holing hands]
Christopher: [giggling] Sometimes in the morning, I wake up before she does and I get up out of our bed. And when she wakes up, she won’t know I’m there.
Shelby: Did you say our bed? Mom, show us your answer.
Abissaleth: I said, [showing her written board] “Leaving our bed early and making mommy worry.”[right answer bell]
Shelby: Yes, you did. Correct. You got 50 points.[Christopher and Abissaleth hug very closely and tightly again]
Abissaleth: [singing] [Christopher and Abissaleth kiss on lips softly.]
Shelby: Cool. Cool. Okay. On to Mason and his mom. Mason, what drives your mom nuts?[Mason and Shanile are still shocked]
Mason: [pointing at Christopher and Abissaleth] Um, they’re still going. [Christopher and Abissaleth are still kissing]
Shelby: Okay. Alright.
Abissaleth: We won the points.
Shelby: Okay, we’re done with that. We’re done with that. So, no more of that. Okay. Mason, what drives your mom crazy?
Mason: Um, when I play my music real loud. She hates that.
Shanile: What? I said “When you wear one of those dumb hats.”[wrong answer buzzer]
Shelby: Oh, yikes! No points. Okay, after one round, we got Summer and Jackie with 50 points, Mason and Shanile with 0, and John Christopher and Abissaleth with 50 points.[Christopher is brushing Abissaleth’s hair.]
Close game so far, huh, cutie pie Paul?
Paul: Please, just call me Paul.
Shelby: We’ll see. Second question, and we’ll start with John Christopher. What’s your mom’s biggest fear?
Christopher: Oh, that’s easy. That I’ll meet a woman and get married one day.
Abissaleth: Yes, I put [shows her written card] “That a woman whose menarche has come will ensnare him, leaving me to perish in my loneliness and filth, alone, alone, alooooone. Also, lyme disease.”
Shelby: I really don’t want to give that answer points, but that’s 50 points.[right answer bell] [Abissaleth starts singing and then Christopher and Abissaleth kiss again.]
Shelby: Okay. Okay. Okay. And my producers are asking that you limit your songs to no songs. Alright, Summer, what’s your mom’s biggest fear?
Summer: Oh, um, probably spiders.
Jackie: Oh, shoot. I said [showing her written card] I said that “My husband and I will get into one of our loud fights in front of her friends.”[wrong answer buzzer]
Shelby: Oh, oh! No points. I hear you though. My mom and dad would fight all the time. My dad was not afraid of a drink. Let’s go to Mason and Shanile.
Shanile: Ah, we forfeit. We can’t beat these two. [pointing at Christopher and Abissaleth] They kissing on the lip. Look at them. Look.[Christopher is sitting on Abissaleth’s lap. Abissaleth is caressing his thighs.]
Shelby: Yeah. Yeah. No one’s gonna beat them. I don’t think they’ve ever slept in separate rooms. Okay, we’ve got to take a quick break before round two.
Christopher: Well, will I have time for restroom?
Abissaleth: And will I have time to help him in there? Coz he can’t aim.
Shelby: Oh, my god! We’ll be right back.