Kate McKinnon
Sam Rockwell
Kenan Thompson
Chris Redd
[Starts with a car pulling over in the streets. It’s very dark.]
[Cut to Kate and Sam inside the car]
Kate: Wait, what are we doing? We’re stopping?
Sam: Yeah. Gotta get some cash.
Kate: [pointing towards ATM vestibule] In there?
Sam: That’s a bank, ain’t it?
Kate: I just– I don’t want to stop in this neighborhood.
Sam: Relax. It’ll be like, two minutes.
Kate: Okay. Well, hurry up.
[Sam opens the vestibule door using his card. Kenan comes running in the rain.]
Kenan: Yo, yo, yo, hold that door.
[Sam holds the door for Kenan. Kenan gets in and is cleaning up. He is a black man wearing a red sweatshirt. Sam looks at him and gets nervous. He doesn’t want to cash out in front of Kenan.]
Sam: You know what? You can go ahead if you want to.
Kenan: No man, you were first.
Sam: No, I’m not really in hurry. It’s fine.
Kenan: Neither am I. Go ahead, man.
Sam: You know what? It’s silly. I think I grabbed the wrong card.
[Sam and Kenan look at each other for some time]
Kenan: Oh, I get it. A black man followed you in here dressed like this. And now all of a sudden you grabbed the wrong card, huh?
Sam: No. No. No.
Kenan: Yo, I work my ass off 60 hours a week so I don’t have to steal from you or anybody else, alright?
Sam: It’s late, okay? You ran in here. I guess I got a little rattled, alright?
Kenan: Well, ay, here’s a tip. Not every black man is a damn thief, you racist bastard!
Sam: Okay. Sorry. I swear I’m not a racist, okay?
Kenan: Well, then, go first.
Sam: Alright. Fine. I’m gonna go first.
[Sam walks to the ATM machine and takes some cash out.]
Kenan: Yo man, ain’t you gonna count it? Make sure it’s right?
Sam: Yeah, it’s all here.
Kenan: Great. Well, then, give it to me. Give me the money.
[Kenan puts his hand inside his sweatshirt. It looks like he has a gun. Sam puts his both hands up.]
Sam: Hey, man. Um…
Kenan: [laughing] Ah! I was just kidding, man. Look how scared you were, man. You see that, right?
Sam: Yeah. You got me. Wow.
Kenan: We gotta stop that. Have a good night man.
Sam: Okay, man.
[Kenan walks to the ATM machine]
Hey man, I’m sorry again. Thank you for– I’m not a racist.
Kenan: No sweating, man. But hey, maybe next time, don’t freak out just because a black man wants to use the ATM machine.
Sam: Alright, fair enough. Sorry about that. Sorry, man.
[Sam walks out. There are a bunch of black young guys walking in.]
Chris: Yo, hold that door, man.
[Now Kenan is scared]
Kenan: Oh my good lord. Please don’t.
[Chris and his group walk in]
Chris: Hey, yo, what’s up, man? How you feel? What’s good, bitch? You’re using machine or what?
Kenan: Um, you know, you guys can just go ahead.
Chris: Oh, no. No. I wanna go second. I’m mad patient.
Kenan: The thing is I might have grabbed the wrong card.
Chris: Try it, dog. I’m feeling lucky, for you. Go ahead. Yeah. Be brave.
[Kenan walks to the machine. He slips a little.]
Ay! Watch yourself, big man.
[Kenan’s hand is shaking while putting his card into the ATM machine]
Hurry up, bitch! Come on. What? You nervous a black man walk in here, just wanna use ATM?
Kenan: No, my brother.
Chris: What’s taking you so long, dog?
Kenan: I told you it doesn’t seem to be working.
Chris: You try it again, dog. Come on. Breathe, man. Are you crying?
Kenan: No.
[The boys are laughing]
Chris: [yelling] Everybody stop laughing. I’m tired of waiting on you, dog.
Kenan: I wanna go home.
Chris: Suck it up, man!
[Kenan is crying]
[Cut to Sam getting in his car.]
Kate: Can we get out of here? Coz I saw some sketchy looking guys earlier.
Sam: What do you mean sketchy?
Kate: You know, they were–
Sam: Black? You know, honey, you can’t just judge people by the way they look, you know. I mean, for all you know, they are hard working honest people just like us.
[Behind Sam, we can see that Chris and his friends are beating Kenan up.]
Kate: God, you’re right.
[Cut to Kenan getting beat up]
Kenan: Why don’t you just swipe the card? I wanna help you guys.
Chris: Yeah. Yeah.
[Cut to Kate and Sam]
Sam: You know, you look really beautiful.
[Sam leans forward to kiss]
Kate: Whoa! No kissing.
Sam: Oh, that’s right. Because you’re a prostitute.
Kate: Yeah, that’s the rule.
[Cut to Kenan getting beat up]
[The End]
