Kate McKinnon

Sam Rockwell

Kenan Thompson

Chris Redd

[Starts with a car pulling over in the streets. It’s very dark.] [Cut to Kate and Sam inside the car]

Kate: Wait, what are we doing? We’re stopping?

Sam: Yeah. Gotta get some cash.

Kate: [pointing towards ATM vestibule] In there?

Sam: That’s a bank, ain’t it?

Kate: I just– I don’t want to stop in this neighborhood.

Sam: Relax. It’ll be like, two minutes.

Kate: Okay. Well, hurry up.

[Sam opens the vestibule door using his card. Kenan comes running in the rain.]

Kenan: Yo, yo, yo, hold that door.

[Sam holds the door for Kenan. Kenan gets in and is cleaning up. He is a black man wearing a red sweatshirt. Sam looks at him and gets nervous. He doesn’t want to cash out in front of Kenan.]

Sam: You know what? You can go ahead if you want to.

Kenan: No man, you were first.

Sam: No, I’m not really in hurry. It’s fine.

Kenan: Neither am I. Go ahead, man.

Sam: You know what? It’s silly. I think I grabbed the wrong card.

[Sam and Kenan look at each other for some time]

Kenan: Oh, I get it. A black man followed you in here dressed like this. And now all of a sudden you grabbed the wrong card, huh?

Sam: No. No. No.

Kenan: Yo, I work my ass off 60 hours a week so I don’t have to steal from you or anybody else, alright?

Sam: It’s late, okay? You ran in here. I guess I got a little rattled, alright?

Kenan: Well, ay, here’s a tip. Not every black man is a damn thief, you racist bastard!

Sam: Okay. Sorry. I swear I’m not a racist, okay?

Kenan: Well, then, go first.

Sam: Alright. Fine. I’m gonna go first.

[Sam walks to the ATM machine and takes some cash out.]

Kenan: Yo man, ain’t you gonna count it? Make sure it’s right?

Sam: Yeah, it’s all here.

Kenan: Great. Well, then, give it to me. Give me the money.

[Kenan puts his hand inside his sweatshirt. It looks like he has a gun. Sam puts his both hands up.]

Sam: Hey, man. Um…

Kenan: [laughing] Ah! I was just kidding, man. Look how scared you were, man. You see that, right?

Sam: Yeah. You got me. Wow.

Kenan: We gotta stop that. Have a good night man.

Sam: Okay, man.

[Kenan walks to the ATM machine]

Hey man, I’m sorry again. Thank you for– I’m not a racist.

Kenan: No sweating, man. But hey, maybe next time, don’t freak out just because a black man wants to use the ATM machine.

Sam: Alright, fair enough. Sorry about that. Sorry, man.

[Sam walks out. There are a bunch of black young guys walking in.]

Chris: Yo, hold that door, man.

[Now Kenan is scared]

Kenan: Oh my good lord. Please don’t.

[Chris and his group walk in]

Chris: Hey, yo, what’s up, man? How you feel? What’s good, bitch? You’re using machine or what?

Kenan: Um, you know, you guys can just go ahead.

Chris: Oh, no. No. I wanna go second. I’m mad patient.

Kenan: The thing is I might have grabbed the wrong card.

Chris: Try it, dog. I’m feeling lucky, for you. Go ahead. Yeah. Be brave.

[Kenan walks to the machine. He slips a little.]

Ay! Watch yourself, big man.

[Kenan’s hand is shaking while putting his card into the ATM machine]

Hurry up, bitch! Come on. What? You nervous a black man walk in here, just wanna use ATM?

Kenan: No, my brother.

Chris: What’s taking you so long, dog?

Kenan: I told you it doesn’t seem to be working.

Chris: You try it again, dog. Come on. Breathe, man. Are you crying?

Kenan: No.

[The boys are laughing]

Chris: [yelling] Everybody stop laughing. I’m tired of waiting on you, dog.

Kenan: I wanna go home.

Chris: Suck it up, man!

[Kenan is crying] [Cut to  Sam getting in his car.]

Kate: Can we get out of here? Coz I saw some sketchy looking guys earlier.

Sam: What do you mean sketchy?

Kate: You know, they were–

Sam: Black? You know, honey, you can’t just judge people by the way they look, you know. I mean, for all you know, they are hard working honest people just like us.

[Behind Sam, we can see that Chris and his friends are beating Kenan up.]

Kate: God, you’re right.

[Cut to Kenan getting beat up]

Kenan: Why don’t you just swipe the card? I wanna help you guys.

Chris: Yeah. Yeah.

[Cut to Kate and Sam]

Sam: You know, you look really beautiful.

[Sam leans forward to kiss]

Kate: Whoa! No kissing.

Sam: Oh, that’s right. Because you’re a prostitute.

Kate: Yeah, that’s the rule.

[Cut to Kenan getting beat up] [The End]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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