Mary Anne Conroe…..Aidy Bryant
Bayou Benny…..Beck Bennett
Seth Meyers…..Seth Meyers
Taylor Swift…..Heidi Gardner
Chili Pepper with Sunglasses…..Kate McKinnon
Giant Biscuit…..Alex Moffat
Voiceover: You’re watching AOC Public Access Lafayette Louisiana. Coming up next is Bayou Benny’s Liberal Lagniappe.[ Cut to intro for Bayou Benny’s Liberal Lagniappe which has the title and an alligator in front of a swamp scenery. ] [ Cut to Mary Anne sitting with a beer can and a glass of beer. ]
Mary Anne: Oh hey there! I’m Mary Anne Conroe. And ‘dis be the Bayou Benny’s Liberal Lagniappe. The number one most progressive panel show south of the Atchafalaya base. Let’s get the hootin’ and the hollerin’ for the little crawdaddy that gonna turn these red states blue. It’s Bayou Benny![ Cut to Benny Bayou. ]
Benny: Aw, hey there, now how Y’all be doing that there, that now, that Y’all be doing that now here, huh? Okay, good, good. Welcome back now to the liberal lagniappe. My name Bayou Benny and this week’s sponsors of the show be ANTIFA. [ Cut to black screen with ANTIFA logo and the words that Benny says next. ] ‘ANTIFA We angrier den a box of ghosts what been trapped in dat dare box by a witch!’ [ Cut back to Benny. ] Okay, now got a lot of the liberal agenda to get through today. Let’s meet that dare panel. She’s the southern liberal I called who don’t spoke on some of that lecture for the rocky top state of Tennessee, it’s da Taylor Swift.[ Cut to Taylor Swift. ]
Taylor: [ She gives peace signs on both her hands. ] Hi Y’all. People decided they liked me again.
Benny: [ He gives a loud chuckle. ] Okay now, our next panelist here done graduate a magna cum laude from dat done Toulon University. And is the best damn friend dare I done have. Please welcome da awnry gator dat done be sleeping under my house.[ Cut to an alligator that’s the size of a man. ]
Benny: And our ‘herd panelist there, for this here show that we been doin’ now on here be our Chief White House Correspondent here at the Liberal Lagniappe, ladies and gentlemen, it’s the chilli pepper with da sunglas ses.[ Cut to a giant chili pepper with sunglasses. ]
Chili Pepper: Thanks so much for having me Benny, I’m looking forward to meeting for dialogue.
Benny: Ha, ha. Me too, me too Chili Pepper. And our final panelist on this here show here be the host of the Late Night with Seth Meyers. It’s da, Seff Meyers.[ Cut to Seth Meyers. ]
Seth: What is this?[ Benny and the panelists are seated together at a table. ]
Benny: Oh you know what it is. You’re on the Liberal Lagniappe. Now what you dawn done right now bout that right now dare now done now, you here?
Benny: [ Benny chuckles loudly. ] Now what you think about the big ol’ news of the day?
Seth: What’s the big ol’ news of the day?
Benny: Oh yes sir.
Seth: [ He looks confused. ] I guess…I don’t know. Trump’s comments about Brett Kavanaugh are pretty outlandish. I mean to say he was proven innocence is just down right false.
Chili Pepper: Now I have to agree.
Taylor: Yeah, way out of line.[ The alligator makes a whooshing growling sound in agreement. ]
Chili Pepper: Exactly. And what about Trump saying Democrats are too dangerous to govern?
Taylor: Ahh, don’t even get me started.
Yeah, it’s wild to see Republicans politicize the Supreme Court like this. It kind of undermines the entire institution.[ A siren goes off and a red light flashes. ]
Benny: Oh, ohhh. Now dat dare’s one spicy little dank there Mr. Meyers. You know what that means?
Seth: Uh? That I’m insightful and socially conscious?
Benny: Uh uhh, no, it’s means that you got to wrestle with this here big ol’ biscuit.[ A man in a giant biscuit costume comes out wearing a ‘Make America Great Again’ hat. ]
Seth: Oh, oh okay, so I think I’m getting it. You guys are all liberal?
Benny: Oh, that’s right!
Seth: And that’s why you want me to wrestle the maga biscuit.
Benny: Oh, yes sir.
Seth: Well, I’m not gonna wrestle the biscuit.
Benny: Well, that’s your decision then.
Biscuit: I guess I’ll just go den…[ Mary Anne comes over to the biscuit with a broom and sweeps him out of the room. The Biscuit man looks sad and runs off. ]
Mary Anne: Go on, get outta here Biscuit!
Benny: Get on outta here Biscuit! Nobody want ya!
Mary Anne: Get outta here!!!
Benny: Go on back to your pan, you biscuit!!! Dang done biscuit!! Woo! Well folks, since we done be wrapping things up here at the liberal lagniappe, I think it’s time we took a da closer look at dis here.[ Cut to title screen that reads: ‘Do Closer Look At Dis Here.’ ]
Benny: Oh. Now here now, see now here, since that there big ol’ possum with a toothache, Mr. Trump done gone lost dat dare lady UN ambassador. Seth, who dat gone be next dat you gone done think gonna take over that post?
Seth: I’m sorry, I could not understand a word that you are saying.
Benny: Seth, who dat gone be next that you think gone take over that there post?
Seth: Are you asking a question? I can’t tell.[ Benny gasps for air. ]
Benny: The lady UN ambassador.
Seth: Nikki Haley, yes.
Benny: She done gone flew out dat dere White House like a cat lick late for sin practice, huh?
Seth: I genuinely don’t know what you mean by that.
Benny: [ He sighs. ] She done dem take dem feet she got and she put da one in front of da other…guh-dunk-a-dunk, guh-dunk-a-dunk. And den walked up dat whole body dare and put it up dem dare right out da White House. Huh?
Seth: What, I mean…you’re saying she resigned? Yeah.
Benny: And dat’s our show dare folks. Y’all have a good night now. And tune in next week when James Carville gonna eat a whole rubber. Okay, see you den.