Adam Grossman…..Jonah Hill
Miss Lilly…..Leslie Jones
Chef Gayle…..Heidi Gardner[ Outside of a Benihana restaurant. ] [ Cut to inside the Benihana Restaurant. Adam and Miss Lilly are seated at a teppan table with two other gentlemen, Jake and Tony. ]
Adam: Good evening fellas. Is this seat taken?
Tony: Um, no.
Adam: It’s a pleasure to join you both. My name is Adam Grossman, and I’m six years young. [ He holds up 6 fingers. ] And this is my very lovely and very single nanny, Miss Lilly. And she must be from Jamaica because she’s makin’ me go to bed at eight tonight! But I understand the decision; I’m six! [ He holds up 6 fingers again. ]
Miss Lilly: Hi. And I’m not from Jamaica.
Jake: Well, it’s very nice to meet you. Hello, my name is Jake, and this is Tony.
Adam: Well, well, well. There’s two of them Lil. I like your chances tonight. As for me, it looks like I’ll be spending another evening with my right hand and a sock. What, I’m making a sock pocket! I’m six years old. [ He holds up 6 fingers again. ]
Miss Lilly: Let’s just calm down, Adam.
Adam: I’m only joking. Sheesh. Talk about a wet blankie; I love you to death. But sometimes you’re about as fun as apple slices for dessert. I’m kidding. She’s good people. We spend a lot of time together since my parents ivorced-day.
Tony: Oh, I’m sorry.
Adam: No! Don’t feel bad for me. I’m getting every kid’s dream. Two Chanukahs!
Waitress: Can I get you folks something to drink?
Adam: A cup of joe for me, sweetheart, please. And I like my coffee like I like my nannies, black and bitter. I’m kidding. I’m six. [ He holds up 6 fingers. ] I’ll take my fruit punch, neat. Always get your drink neat here, they try to load you up on the ice so they can bone you on the punch. It’s a racket.
Miss Lilly: I’ll have a glass of wine, please.
Waitress: You bet.
Adam: Okay, so I guess I’m driving home. I’m joking. Everything’s irie mon, drink all the red stripe you want.
Miss Lilly: I am not from Jamaica.
Adam: [ He starts to sing. ] I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the dep. You’re giving me nothing here. It feels like pulling teeth without a string. How about some Chef tricks? That’ll lighten the mood. Where’s Sooshin?
Chef Gayle: Hey, I’m sorry little guy. Sooshin’s not working tonight. Dude got fired for stealing beef. [ She knocks a shrimp on the ground. ] But, Gayle has got you covered. [ She tosses a shrimp at Jake with her spatula, he tries to catch it with his mouth, but it flies straight over his head. ] [ Jake and Tony lightly clap, Miss Lilly joins in. ]
Adam: Woof. No offense, Gayle. But I haven’t been this disappointed since I found out that there is a Santa Claus and he wants nothing to do with me. I guess we’ll have to settle for small talk, so you two fellas celebrating something?
Tony: Well, actually, yes.
Jake: We both just got engaged.
Adam: Oh, mazel! Here’s some marriage advice for ya. Don’t do it!!! I’m kidding; I’m six. [ He holds up 6 fingers. ] So what do I know? You’re both obviously a lot older than me. What are you, 11, 12?
Tony: I’m 37.
Adam: Wow, so I guess my next question is, what was Moses really like? I’m teasing! Hey, at least you’re not as old as Lilly here. You know her social security number is two!
Miss Lilly: Lord, help me. Help me.
Adam: No, really. Lilly is so old that in history class she just wrote down what she was doing.
Miss Lilly: Okay, Adam. Let’s just let the nice men enjoy their dinner, okay?
Adam: [ He sings really loud. ] One Love!!!! I’m kidding. Anyway, mazel on your engagement. I’m sure you’ll both marry two very lovely women. L’chaim.
Tony: Well, actually, we’re getting married to each other.
Adam: Okay. Record scratch. You’re doing what now?
Miss Lilly: I’m sorry, he’s probably just a little confused.
Adam: Ah! More like my mind is completely frickin’ blown! Two buddies getting married to each other, that’s genius! Wait till Eli here’s about this. He’s my best friend. We’ve been playdatin’ for years. And I love him dearly. Look he’s 3’5”, he’s got four teeth, he’s got the stickiest hands I’ve ever seen. But what can I say, I like to fix people.
Jake: That’s so cute.
Adam: Now, I gotta ask..who proposed to who? Cause I’m a top and Eli’s a bottom.
Miss Lilly: Adam!
Adam: Woah! I meant bunk beds. I’m six. [ He holds up 6 fingers. ] I don’t even understand that double entendre.
Tony: Okay, maybe we should explain.
Adam: Hold that thought. I want to hear everything. But unfortunately right I have to make bumps. And Lilly, your ring’s off this time, unless you gotta fish one loose again. [ Lilly takes off her ring. ]
Miss Lilly: Would you believe that I have a four-year degree?
Adam: I have no idea what that means, but [ He begins to sing. ] Redemption song!