Beta Force: Season 44 Episode 3


Announcer…..Darrell Hammond

Man in the commercial…..Seth Meyers

Woman in the commercial…..Aidy Bryant

Announcer: [ Man is jogging down the street. ] When you get older, your body produces a lot less testosterone. [ Cut to a gauge depleting from 100% to 0% with a title that says, ‘Testosterone Levels.’ ] [ Cut to the man and woman tucking themselves into bed. ] And that affects everything that makes you [ Cut to the man looking under the covers at his pelvic region. ] feel like a man. [ The woman sits up and looks at the man with a sigh. ] And you know she can tell. But before you face a full-on vitality crisis, [ Cut to the man using a remote control on the couch. ] you find a testosterone boosting [ Cut to the TV. A giant container of MAXXX Sport drops on the screen. ] supplement on TV. And you know it’s effective [ The man sits up and looks closer at the TV. ] because it’s in a giant black canister. [ The TV shows three more containers of MAXXX. ] And endorsed by the strongest retired athlete money can buy. [ A bald beefy man appears on the screen holding a canister of MAXXX. He says, ‘Get your balls back!’ ] Your soul. [ Cut to the man stirring a glass with a pink liquid in it. ] And before you know it. [ The man drinks from the glass. ] You’re a brand new man. [ Cut to the man who is now bald, smiling, and wearing dark sunglasses and a tight shirt. ] You’re running faster. [ The man is sprinting on a treadmill. ] Training harder. [ The man is doing push-ups then cut to the man kicking a dummy and screaming with rage. ] And lasting longer. [ Cut to the man and woman in bed. The woman is smiling. He does a belly flop onto the bed. ] You did it hos! [ The man is smacking his biceps in the gym. ] You’re a man again. Only one problem. You’ve turned into a full psycho. Look at yourself man. [ He walks into his office at work. ] You’re wearing skin-tight muscle shirts to work, now? You’re in your mid-50’s with a jet black goatee. [ His coworkers are giving him disgusted faces. ] That ain’t normal, man. [ Cut to the man having rough sex with his wife. He is sweating and making an awkward orgasm face. ] You think it’s cool porno railing your wife? She has osteoporosis. [ Cut to the woman looking worn out and massaging her own hand. ] You monster! You know what that must feel like for her? [ The woman is holding her hip in pain. ] You’re cracking eggs with a sledgehammer, bro. [ Cut to the man flirting with an intern at work. ] And let’s not even get into that intern you’ve been creeping on. You’re freaking her out. [ The intern looks uncomfortable. ] You do remember your wife, right? The one on the couch [ The woman is sitting on the couch with an old fashioned ice pack on her crotch area. ] icing down her shattered pelvis. She needs a break, chief. All that extra testosterone [ The man is seen punching the dummy, then sprinting on the treadmill. ] has made you an aggressive alpha nightmare. [ He is smiling with aggression. ] That’s why you need [ The announcer’s voice becomes soft and friendly and a canister of Beta Force is shown on the screen. ] Beta Force. The only supplement that can counteract and undo all that other junk you’ve been taking. [ A computer graphic shows a muscular man soften up and become chubby again. ] So you can be a regular middle-aged man again. [ The man is back to his normal self smiling at his kitchen table. ] [ Cut to the canister of Beta Force. ] With odorless, tasteless, completely undetectable, Beta Force. [ Cut to the woman sneaking the Beta Force powder into the man’s drink. ] Before you know it, you’ll be back to your old self again. [ The man walks over to the woman sitting on the couch. He has a pooched belly and they are both smiling. He sits down next to her and she hands him the drink she had just mixed. ]

Man: I love you, honey.

Woman: Oh, I love you, too. [ The man drinks from the glass. She looks at the camera. ] Thanks, Beta Force.

Man: What’s Beta Force?

Woman: Huh? [ She winks at the camera. ]

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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