Darnell Hayes… Kenan Thompson
Shanice… Leslie Jones
Rashad… Chris Redd
T’Challa… Chadwick Boseman[Starts with Black Jeopardy intro]
Male voice: This is Black Jeopardy.[Cut to the show stage. There’s one host and three contestants.] [cheers and applause]
Darnell: Yeah. Hi. Wad up? Wad up? Wad up? Welcome to Black Jeopardy. The only Jeopardy where our prize is paid in installments. Alright, I’m your host Darnell Hayes. Today’s contestants Shanice.
Rashad: What’s crackin?
Darnell: And, oh! This is so exciting. All the way from Wakanda, it’s T’Challa.[cheers and applause]
T’Challa: Greetings Darnell. I am a big fan of this program.
Darnell: Well, this might be the blackest Black Jeopardy yet. Let’s take a look at that categories. Alright, we got “Grown ass”, “Ah Hell naw”, “Fid’na”, “Girl, bye”, “I ain’t got it”, and as always “White people.” Alright, Shanice, You are returning champ. You pick.
Shanice: Okay. Let’s go to “Aw hell naw” for $100.
Darnell: Okay, answer there. Your barber has a two hour wait, but there’s an empty chair up front.[buzzer sound]
Rashad: What is, “Aw hell naw, there’s a reason your chair is empty.”
Darnell: You damn right. You damn right it is. You can end up looking like The Weeknd. Alright, Rashad, the board is your’s.
Rashad: Let’s go with “Fid’na” for $200.
Darnell: Okay, the answer. They fid’na to take prayer out of school.[buzzer]
Shanice: What is, “They wonder why everybody pregnant?”
Darnell: Yes. Yes. Bad things happen when you kick Jesus out your house. That’s right. Alright, it’s your pick, Shanice.
Shanice: Let’s stick with “Fid’na” for $400.
Darnell: This is the reason your cable bill is in your grand mamma’s name.[buzzer]
T’Challa: What is, “To honor her as the as the foundation of the family.”
Darnell: Hmm, that’s really nice. It’s wrong. But it’s really nice. Anybody else? The reason your cable bill is in your grand mamma’s name.[buzzer]
Shanice: What is, “Coz fid’na get a car and I don’t need all that on my credit.”
Darnell: I feel you. I feel you. Yeah, your grandma ain’t gonna need that good credit too much longer. Alright, Shanice, it’s your pick.
Shanice: Let’s go “I ain’t got it” for $200.
Darnell: Alright. The lady from Sallie Mae says your student loan is past due.[buzzer]
Rashad: What is, “I ain’t got it because I died. You talking to a ghost.”
Darnell: Yeah. That’s right. That’s right. That’s right. Yeah. You can’t bill what’s not there, okay? Just ask Wesley Snipes. Ain’t that right, T’Challa?
T’Challa: I don’t know this one.
Darnell: That’s alright. You’ll get there. Alright, Rashad, it’s your pick.
Rashad: Am, let’s go with “Aw hell naw” for $400.
Darnell: Alright, the answer. The airline sys they wanna charge twenty-five dollars to check your bag.[buzzer]
Shanice: What is, “Aw hell naw. Looks like I’m gonna fly to Jamaica with 50 pounds of suitcase in my lap.”
Darnell: You damn right. You damn right. That’s right. And I dare the stewardess to say something. That’s right. Let’s keep going.
Shanice: Let’s say with “Grown ass” for $600.
Darnell: Alright. You send your smart-ass child here ’cause she thinks she grown.[buzzer]
T’Challa: What is, “To one of our free university where she can apply her intelligence. And perhaps one day become a great scientist.”
Darnell: Okay. Well, the answer were were looking for was, “Out my damn house.” But you know what? I’m gonna give it to you, T’Challa. Y’all must not have no mean streets in Wakanda. Alright, the board is your’s.
T’Challa: Very well. Let’s go to “Ah hell naw” for $800.
Darnell: Okay. The policeman says there’s been some robberies in your neighborhood and asks if you have any information.
T’Challa: What is, “Not only do I tell this man what I know, but I also assist him in tracking down the offender. After all, our ministers of law enforcement are only here to protect us.” Is this correct?[Darnell makes funny face]
Darnell: I mean, it should be. But I’m thinking you haven’t spent much time in America. Let’s just hear about today’s prizes. Johnny![Cut to Black Jeopardy prize listing]
Male voice: Thanks, Darnell. Today’s Black Jeopardy winner will receive Uesta Hold Margarine, personal plastic containers that used to hold margarine. “Put whatever you want in there.” And well done steaks. “If I see a speck of red, it’s going back. You better cook my food with well done steaks.” And by Sprite. “How did we become the black soda? We don’t know.” Back to you, Darnell.[Cut to the game stage]
Darnell: Ooh! I do love Sprite. Alright, T’Challa, the board is your’s.
T’Challa: I am ready. Let’s go to “White people” for $400.[Darnell is making shocked faces.]
Darnell: Okay, let’s try it. Your friend Karen brings her potato salad to your cookout.[buzzer]
T’Challa: I think I’m getting the hang of this. Before I answer, a few questions. This woman Karen, she’s caucasian, right?
T’Challa: And she has her own recipe for potato salad, right?
T’Challa: Ah! I understand. It is noble that she would volunteer to cook for everyone. And although I have never had potato salad…
Darnell: Of course.
T’Challa: … I sense that this white woman does not season her food.
Darnell: That’s right.
T’Challa: And if she does, it is only with a tiny bit of salt and no paprika.
Darnell: No paprika. No.
T’Challa: And she will probably add something unnecessary like resins.
Darnell: I know, right?
T’Challa: So, something tells me that I should say–
Darnell: Say it.
T’Challa: “Aw hell naw Karen. Keep your bland ass potato to yourself.”
Darnell: [celebrating] Yes! Yes! Whoo! Oh, man! You got it, T’Challa.
T’Challa: In the face.
Darnell: Yeah. Black Panther, welcome to Black Jeopardy.
Female voice: How many square feet is that?
Male voice: For three bedrooms?
Female voice: What a deal.
Darnell: Oh, well. The sound of white people shopping nearby for real estate means that the fun is over. So, let’s take a break. We’ll be right back with more Black Jeopardy.