CBC Report

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Interviewer… Cecily Strong

Thomas Logan… Bill Hader

Actress… Heidi Gardner

Win Butler

Régine Chassagne

Richard Reed Parry

William Butler

Tim Kingsbury

Jeremy Gara

[Starts with video clips of Toronto cities.]

Male voice: Tonight on CBC News Hour. The #MeToo movement that started in Hollywood has now reached Canadian shores. As new accusations of sexual misconduct are made against Toronto producer, Thomas Logan. Once considered the biggest movie mogul in the north is now being called “Canadian Harvey Weinstein.”

[Cut to Thomas Logan’s interview]

Thomas Logan: Yeah. I’ve heard all these accusations against me and I’m here to say it’s all true. I definitely abuse my power. Yes.

Interviewer: Why don’t you tell the folks at home what you did exactly?

Thomas Logan: Yeah. You know, I have this assistant. And I was real inappropriate. Saying stuff like, “You look nice today,” or “What kind of sunglasses are those?” You know, really pestering her. You know. So, she got ticked and I just went ahead and resigned.

[Cut to pictures of Thomas Logan with the celebrities]

Male voice: Logan now exposed as a monster by Canadian standards has taken his name off some of his greatest hits. Movies like, “Y’ Don’t Say,” “It Happened At Tim Hortons,” and “Dave, the Dave Thomas Story” starring Dave Foley. Watch as the disgraced moguls confronted by his victims.

[Cut to Thomas Logan sitting beside Actress]

Actress: Yeah. So, I’m minding my own when Thomas walks in and says, “That’s a nice sweater you got there.” And I’m thinking, “That’s a bit forward.”

Thomas Logan: As soon as I realized, I said I was sorry.

Actress: Oh, yeah, yeah. He said he was sorry.

Thomas Logan: So, I got HR and I say sorry. I gotta say that I really put boot in this time. And HR lady says, “No. I’m sorry. I should have seen this coming.” So, I resigned and then she resigned.

Actress: And I resigned too coz I was just so sorry about how it turned out.

[Cut to pictures of Thomas Logan with his friends]

Male voice: Watch as his close collaborators process the fact that they’ve been working with a monster. As Canadian super group ‘Arcade Fire’ shares their sordid story.

[Cut to ‘Arcade Fire’ being interviewed]

Win Butler: Yeah. I don’t really know the fella. But I guess we did a soundtrack for him once.

Interviewer: And are you sorry you did that, Win?

Win Butler: Oh, yeah. Real sorry.

Interviewer: And the rest of you? Régine?

Régine Chassagne: I’m sorry.

Interviewer: Richard Reed Parry

Richard Reed Parry: Oh, I’m sorry.

Interviewer: Hmm. William Butler?

William Butler: Not Canadian but still sorry.

Interviewer: Tim Kingsbury? Timmy?

William Butler: I’m sorry.

Interviewer: Jeremy?

Jeremy Gara: Drums.

Win Butler: We were saying sorry.

Jeremy Gara: Sorry. Yeah. I’m sorry.

Interviewer: Well, I’m sorry guys. We have to wrap this up.

[Arcade Fire and Interviewer start saying sorry to each other.]

Male voice: All that was Mooses on the news. Tonight on CBC.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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