Charlie Bucket… Claire Foy
Mom… Kate McKinnon
Grandma Josephine… Heidi Gardner
Grandpa Joe…Pete Davidson
Grandpa George… Kyle Mooney
Grandma Georgina… Aidy Bryant
Narrator: You’re watching AMC, where “X-Men” is a Christmas movie. We now return to the 1971 classic, “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.”[Cut to small cottage house at night] [Cut to inside the house. Grandma Josephine, Grandpa Joe, Grandpa George, and Grandma Georgina in the same bed and mom is speaking to them]
Mom: Is your supper okay grandma Josephine?
Grandma Josephine: Warm water with Lumps, my favorite.
Mom: We also have bread. And for dessert, the memory of bread.[Cut to Grandma Josephine and Grandpa Joe]
Grandpa Joe: Are we really this poor?
Mom: [Cut to Mom, Grandma Josephine, and Grandpa Joe]
Well, grandpa Joe, our last name is bucket, and four of you have no working legs. But look at Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina. You guys need anything?[Cut to Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina. They can’t speak, so they grunt] [Cut to Mom, Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina]
Mom: Okay, I’m pretty worried about you two.[Cut to Grandma Josephine and Grandpa Joe. Charlie enters the room from the door]
Charlie: Hi, everyone! Charlie![Cut to everybody in the room]
Grandma Josephine: How was work, Charlie?[Cut to Charlie and mom]
Charlie: Boss let me out early. I only had to work 14 hours. Here’s the money I made, mother. [Charlie passes one coin]
Mom: Oh, no, you save that for yourself, Charlie. Off, and buy a Wonka Bar. Now get to sleep. Cause you got to be back to work in two hours.
Charlie: Okay, good night, Grandpa Joe, Grandma Josephine.[Cut to Grandma Josephine and Grandpa Joe]
Grandpa Joe: Good night, Charlie. Good night Josephine. [Grandpa Joe kisses Grandma Josephine gently] [Cut to everybody in the room]
Charlie: Good night Grandpa George. Grandma Georgina.[Cut to Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina. They can’t speak, so they just grunt. They first kiss gently. Then they start kissing more and not stop]
Mother, [Cut to Charlie, Mom, Grandpa George, and Grandma Georgina] are grandpa George and grandma Georgina okay?
Mom: Well, they’re just saying their good nights, Charlie. Now, why don’t you go over there, and stir that combination of cabbage and shirts until you fall asleep.[Cut to Grandma Josephine and Grandpa Joe]
Grandma Josephine: Okay, actually I’m a little worried about how they’re saying good night, and how long it’s going on for.[Cut to everybody in the room. Grandpa George takes off his pants from the bed and throws it]
Grandpa Joe: Karen, I think we have a problem here.
Mom: Ignore it, Grandpa Joe. It will pass.
Grandpa Joe: There’s four of us in this bed.[Cut to Charlie and Karen. Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina start moaning]
Charlie: Mother, what are grandpa George and grandma Georgina doing?
Mom: Well, they’re just stretching, Charlie. Their bones are very old. Now come over here and look out the window, and not at them while I sing you a song.
My darling cheer up Charlie[Grandpa George and Grandma Georgina start grunting and moaning. The bed is shaking]
give me a smile what happened to that smile is used to know.
Grandpa Joe: [Cut to Grandma Josephine and Grandpa Joe. The bed is shaking. Grandpa George’s foot is on Granpa Joe’s face]
No! Oh, God! Hey, should you and I—
Grandma Josephine: you can’t and I won’t! Oh![Cut to Charlie and Karen]
Mom: Don’t you know your grin has always been my sunshine.
Grandma Josephine: [Cut to Grandma Josephine and Grandpa Joe] Oh God! Oh my god, I’m feeling everything![Cut to Charlie and Karen]
Mom: Let the sunshine show.
Grandma Josephine: [Cut to Grandma Josephine and Grandpa Joe] Oh, my god, I have to get out of here!
Narrator: “Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory,” brought to you by Cialis.[Cut to old hut house shaking at night]