Cleopatra | Season 44 Episode 2

Cleopatra (Cecily Strong)

Isis (Awkwafina)

Becky (Kate McKinnon)

Xerxes (Kenan Thompson)

[History channel intro playing]

Voiceover: You’re watching the History channel. At 8, it’s World War I. At 9, it’s World War II lost in New York. But now we return to The Hidden Tales of Egypt.

[Cut to Empress Cleopatra, her messenger, and two servers inside an ancient Egypt castle]

Messenger: Empress Cleopatra, your beauticians are here.

Empress: Send them in.

Isis: Hi. Oh my god, I’m sorry we’re late. Got stuck for hours in pyramid construction.

Empress: Excuse me?

Isis: Okay wait, sorry. Call me because I just came in here with like awful play.

Hi, I’m Isis. Normal name. I’m going to be doing your make-up today and these are my assistants. [Cut to Xerxes and Becky] Xerxes and Becky.

Xerxes: What’s up you duddy horses?

Becky: Hi. I love the look you vibe in here. [Whispering] I’m lying.

Isis: Ignore her. Becky’s whole thing is like she’s a nightmare. So what are we thinking for tonight?

Empress: I’m a queen. I don’t concern myself with matters of appearance.

Isis: Okay. I am down for a natural look but for me, and I’m a fan, I walked in here and thought ‘Oh god, she looks like a hot Mesopotamia’.

Xerxes: [Cut to Xerxes and Becky] Yes, give us something. Anything.

Becky: Yeah, I want to be like “Yes queen”, but now I’m kind of like “Mah  queen”.

Empress: [Cut to Isis and the Empress] You forget who you’re speaking to.

Isis: No, all I’m saying is you’re going to go out tonight and your face is going to be painted on, like a thousand vases, right?

Xerxes: [Cut to Xerxes and Becky, Xerxes showing her paint on a vase] Yeah, this was you last week at the [unintelligible 01:32]?

Empress: [Cut to Isis and the Empress] No. That’s me? Oh, I look horrible. Delete that. Delete that!

[Cut to Xerxes and Becky, Xerxes drops the vase on purpose to break it, reacting to the empress asking to delete it]

Isis: [Cut to Isis and the Empress]Look, you trust me right?

Empress: No.

Isis: Okay funny, are you a cat? Because I worship you. Come over here. [Isis holds the empress’s hand and takes her to the makeup table] Let’s try something new with your make-up.

[Cut to Isis brushing the empress]

Becky: Wow, [Cut to Xerxes and Becky] send me to a vomitorium because I’m gagging.

Xerxes: Ah, if we were hieroglyphs, this would be us right now. [Xerxes and Becky biting their tongues out]

Isis: [Cut to Isis and the Empress,]Okay, what do we think?

Empress: Wait. Me?

Isis: I love it. Bury my organs in lots of little jars because I am dead.

Empress: Wow, Okay. I could get used to this.

Isis: And we’re on our roles. Xerxes, let’s prop the hair. [Xerxes comes to the empress]

Xerxes: Okay, how do you feel about extensions?

Empress: Oh, not for me. No.

Xerxes: Okay, good. Because it’s a full wig. [Becky comes to the empress with a wig]

Empress: Wait, is that my hair?

Becky: You’re welcome.

Xerxes: Yeah. And just so you know, I work with with her and not for her.

Isis: And what do you think?

Empress: Wow, amazing!

Xerxes: I am officially perfection.

Empress: Okay wait. So is this my look everyday?

Isis: Yes, this is everyday. This is errand. This is brunch. This is executions.

Empress: Well I love, okay? Thank you.

Emperor: Well babe, been waiting in this chariot forever.

Empress: Get out. I’m getting ready. What do you think?

Emperor: About what?

Empress: My hair, my make up.

Emperor: Why, is it different?

Empress: Yes.

Emperor: It’s good, I guess.

Empress: Shut up, you spoil me. Let me get dressed.

Emperor: Um, Megan, snap me. We got Rezzies.

Isis: Okay, you guys are cute.

Empress: We fight but the sex is insane.

Voiceover: [Ending intro playing] This has been the Hidden Tales of Egypt.

 

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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