Commercial Shoot

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Director… Alex Moffat

Donna… Kate McKinnon

Dan… Will Farrell

[Starts with an old couple getting ready to shoot a coomercial]

Director: Alright. You two ready to make a commercial?

Donna: Well, we’re not actors. We will do our best.

Dan: I eat this chicken pot pie fives times a week. On the weekends, I eat beef.

Director: Well, that’s great. Um, we wanted to show real Dickenson’s customers showing real enthusiasm for good home cooking. You guys feel ready for a take?

Donna: Well, Dan has all the lines. Dan, are you ready?

Dan: Um, give me the line one more time.

Director: Sure. The line is, “Baked in a crispy pastry crust.” Okay? One more time. It’s, “Baked in a crispy pastry crust.” And action.

[Director walks out]

Dan: Baked in a crusty pasty crisp. Uh! Crips. [another take] Baked in a cruppety flasty puff. [another take] Baked in a crispy pastry flam.

Donna: Curst, Dan!

Director: Okay. Cut.

Dan: Did I do it?

Donna: God! No, Dan.

Dan: What did I say?

[Director walks in]

Donna: The wrong thing, Dan.

Director: Okay. No worries there. I know it’s a bit of a tongue twister.

Dan: Say it again.

Director: Sure. It’s, “Baked in a crispy pastry crust.”

Dan: Baked in a– okay. Got it.

Donna: You wanna say the whole thing?

Dan: Crispy pastry crust. Got it.

Director: Great. Kells, we’ll just do a couple in a row. And action.

[Director walks out]

Dan: Baked in a flaky baken bread.

Donna: Pastry, Dan.

[another take]

Dan: Baked in a christy crusty turd.

Donna: Dan! Crispy!

[another take]

Dan: Baked in bust in my buttery body bust. [another take] Baked on my crabby butt. [another cut] Baked in my bra and ass.

Donna: Oh my god! Baked in a crispy pastry crust.

Dan: I got it!

Donna: Say it with me. Crispy.

Dan: Crispy.

Donna: Pastry.

Dan: Pastry.

Donna: Crust.

Dan: Crust.

Director: Action.

Dan: Nobody beats the wiz.

Donna: Crispy, Dan! Oh, my god! How hard could it be? I should say the line.

Dan: Okay.

Donna: Baked in a crispy pastry crust.

Director: Okay, Donna, you go for a take. And action.

Donna: Baked in a cruspy cranty crage.

Dan: Donna?

[another take]

Donna: Baked in a Dan–

Dan: Ah!

[another take]

Donna: Baked in a finga-ringa-ringa.

Dan: Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Donna: Oh, my god. Baked in a freaky licky underplay.

Director: Cut. Okay.

[Director walks in]

Donna: Why can’t we say the line?

Dan: We raised five boys and some girls. Why can’t we say the line?

Donna: Okay. How about we do an easier line? Try yummy pot pie.

Dan: Oh, we can do that, right Donna? Yummy pot pie.

Director: Great. And action.

[Director walks out]

Dan: Baked in a kissy cat puss.

Donna: Bakey bussy buss.

Director: Yummy pot pie.

Dan: Right. Right. Right. Yummy sure.

Donna: Pee in a pie. What was it?

Dan: Yummy pot pie. Yummy pot pie.

Donna: Yummy pot pie. Yummy pot pie.

Dan: I love you.

Donna: I love you.

Donna and Dan: Yatsy ISIS queev. Oh!

Director: Okay. Cut. [Director walks in] Um, you know what? I think we got it.

[Director walks out] [Cut to the commercial. Donna and Dan are sitting in the restarutant.]

Male voice: Dickenson’s Roadside Diner.

Donna and Dan: Baked in a Dan.

[The End]

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