Director… Alex Moffat
Donna… Kate McKinnon
Dan… Will Farrell[Starts with an old couple getting ready to shoot a coomercial]
Director: Alright. You two ready to make a commercial?
Donna: Well, we’re not actors. We will do our best.
Dan: I eat this chicken pot pie fives times a week. On the weekends, I eat beef.
Director: Well, that’s great. Um, we wanted to show real Dickenson’s customers showing real enthusiasm for good home cooking. You guys feel ready for a take?
Donna: Well, Dan has all the lines. Dan, are you ready?
Dan: Um, give me the line one more time.
Director: Sure. The line is, “Baked in a crispy pastry crust.” Okay? One more time. It’s, “Baked in a crispy pastry crust.” And action.[Director walks out]
Dan: Baked in a crusty pasty crisp. Uh! Crips. [another take] Baked in a cruppety flasty puff. [another take] Baked in a crispy pastry flam.
Donna: Curst, Dan!
Director: Okay. Cut.
Dan: Did I do it?
Donna: God! No, Dan.
Dan: What did I say?[Director walks in]
Donna: The wrong thing, Dan.
Director: Okay. No worries there. I know it’s a bit of a tongue twister.
Dan: Say it again.
Director: Sure. It’s, “Baked in a crispy pastry crust.”
Dan: Baked in a– okay. Got it.
Donna: You wanna say the whole thing?
Dan: Crispy pastry crust. Got it.
Director: Great. Kells, we’ll just do a couple in a row. And action.[Director walks out]
Dan: Baked in a flaky baken bread.
Donna: Pastry, Dan.
Dan: Baked in a christy crusty turd.
Donna: Dan! Crispy![another take]
Dan: Baked in bust in my buttery body bust. [another take] Baked on my crabby butt. [another cut] Baked in my bra and ass.
Donna: Oh my god! Baked in a crispy pastry crust.
Dan: I got it!
Donna: Say it with me. Crispy.
Dan: Nobody beats the wiz.
Donna: Crispy, Dan! Oh, my god! How hard could it be? I should say the line.
Donna: Baked in a crispy pastry crust.
Director: Okay, Donna, you go for a take. And action.
Donna: Baked in a cruspy cranty crage.
Dan: Donna?[another take]
Donna: Baked in a Dan–
Dan: Ah![another take]
Donna: Baked in a finga-ringa-ringa.
Donna: Oh, my god. Baked in a freaky licky underplay.
Director: Cut. Okay.[Director walks in]
Donna: Why can’t we say the line?
Dan: We raised five boys and some girls. Why can’t we say the line?
Donna: Okay. How about we do an easier line? Try yummy pot pie.
Dan: Oh, we can do that, right Donna? Yummy pot pie.
Director: Great. And action.[Director walks out]
Dan: Baked in a kissy cat puss.
Donna: Bakey bussy buss.
Director: Yummy pot pie.
Dan: Right. Right. Right. Yummy sure.
Donna: Pee in a pie. What was it?
Dan: Yummy pot pie. Yummy pot pie.
Donna: Yummy pot pie. Yummy pot pie.
Dan: I love you.
Donna: I love you.
Donna and Dan: Yatsy ISIS queev. Oh!
Director: Okay. Cut. [Director walks in] Um, you know what? I think we got it.[Director walks out] [Cut to the commercial. Donna and Dan are sitting in the restarutant.]
Male voice: Dickenson’s Roadside Diner.
Donna and Dan: Baked in a Dan.[The End]