Reynolds…..Seth Meyers
Deidre…..Heidi Gardner
Man 1…..Kenan Thompson
Woman 1…..Aidy Bryant
Woman 2…..Melissa Villaseñor
Man 2…..Beck Bennett
Restaurant Manager…..Kate McKinnon
[ Image of the outside of a restaurant. ]
[ Cut to a table of 6 inside the restaurant. 2 of the seats remain empty, while the other 4 have two couples seated at them. ]
Woman 1: Should we just go? I mean they’re not here yet.
Woman 2: Good thing we ate.
Man 2: They keep texting me that they’re just around the corner.
Man 1: Well, they’ve been around the corner for the past three hours.
Woman 2: There they are.
Woman 1: Deidre, Reynolds, you guys made it. [ Deidre and Reynolds enter the room and sit at the table. Reynolds mutters, “Hi, oh hi you guys.” ] We were getting worried.
Deidre: Oh my God. Is it 11:43 pm?
Man 1: Yes it is. We already ate, and this place is about to close.
Deidre: Oh, I’m sorry. We just got back from Coo-ba yesterday.
Reynolds: We’re jet-lagged from the Coo-ba flight.
Deidre: Yeah.
Woman 2: The Cuba? How long is that flight?
Woman 1: Yeah, because we are in Florida.
Man 2: Yeah isn’t that like the same time zone?
Deidre: Again, yeah, I’m sorry, but we are on Coo-ban time.
Reynolds: Yeah.
Man 1: Okay, so the same time?
Woman 2: So, did you guys have fun?
Reynolds: Mmhmm.
Deidre: Uhh.
Reynolds: Mmm.
Deidre: Uhh.
Reynolds: Mmm.
[ Deidre giggles. ]
Deidre: Fun? I mean everything is a party in C00-ba.
Reynolds: Coo-ba is alive with music and color and wild women in the streets.
Deidre: Oh, I mean, you know. They’re poor, but they’ve got rhythm. [She starts to move her shoulders and dance in her chair. ] And they dance. [ Reynolds makes a sound of agreement. ] Oooh.
Reynolds: And all. It’s so wonderful. All the Coo-ban children, they love to smoke. [ He motions smoking with his hands. Deidre then also motions smoking with her hands and mouth. ]
Deidre: And you know what, they look so cool doing it. You know just leaned up against saturated pastel shops. [ Deidre and Reynolds go back to back and continue to motion smoking with their hands and mouth. ] Smoking.
Man 2: Should we call it a night?
Woman 1: Yeah, yeah. The wait staff is giving us that look of ‘get out of here.’
Reynolds: Awww, but we’re just getting to the best part, baby.
Deidre: Yeah, okay, so. On our last night in Habana.
Reynolds: Ha-vah-nah. That’s in Coo-ba by the way.
Deidre: Yes. So there was this wild Coo-ban man, and he was waving to me [ She motions ‘come here’ with her hand. ] Like this.
Reynolds: Like that.
Deidre: And you know, this [ She continues to motion with her hand. ] means the same thing in Coo-ba as it does here. [ She keeps motioning. ] This.
Man 1: Come here? Yeah, I imagine that’s pretty standard worldwide.
Woman 2: Seriously, we should go. You know the kids they have to wake up early.
Reynolds: Just one sec, because you’re going to want to hear what we did. It was so fiercely Coo-ban.
Deidre: Alright, so it turns out, we went to this authentic Coo-ban rooster competition.
Reynolds: Yeah.
Man 2: A rooster competition?
Waitress: hey guys
Reynolds: Yes, a rooster competition. Like a beauty pageant. All these wild Coo-bans just throwing money [ Reynolds and Deidre begin to motion throwing money with their hands. ] throwing money. Just throwing it, at male chickens.
Deidre: Oh, and they sat us in the front. In front of this little dirt circle pit. Yeah, because I think they thought Reynold was Kiefer Sutherland.
Reynolds: I knew they thought it, but I wasn’t telling them any different because to the best seats for this rooster competition.
Woman 1: Yeah, are you sure you weren’t sitting front row at a cock fight?
Deidre: Umm?
Reynolds: I think we would know if we were a cock fight baby.
Deidre: Yeah, I mean the two roosters were definitely enemies. But, it felt more like a dance. [ She begins to dance with her shoulders again. ] You know, like a real bird Kabuki.
Reynolds: Yeah, I mean feathers were flying and I may be wrong because I have a low IQ. [ Deidre points to Reynolds and nods her head in agreement. ] But it felt very planned.
Man 2: You guys were definitely at a cockfight.
Reynolds: We were not. We were at a Coo-ban rooster review.
Man 1: But was there a dead rooster at the end of it?
Deidre: No.
Reynolds: No.
Deidre: No, I mean, there was one rooster who was obviously like ‘I’m out.’
Reynolds: Yes.
Deidre: He’s done.
Reynolds: I mean if anything it was the end of a very long day for that rooster.
Deidre: You know, cause, it’s hot. Cause it’s Coo-ba.
Reynolds: It’s Coo-ba.
Deidre: And it’s a Coo-ban sun.
Reynolds: Coo-ban sun.
Deidre: And the rooster just laid down and was like, ‘I’m done.’
[ The restaurant manager walks over to the table of couples. ]
Manager: Hey guys. I’m the manager here.
Woman 1: We are leaving.
Manager: Good, cause the kitchen’s closed. So…
Reynolds: How ‘bout the bar?
Manager: I can get you drink, but you do have to promise to stop saying Coo-ba.
Reynolds: Okay fine, baby.
Deidre: I would like a gin on the rocks with one coob.
Reynolds: And I’ll have one coob in a mo-gee-toe.
Deidre: Get out.
Reynolds: Okay.
Manager: Just you two, get out.
Deidre: Alright.
