Doctor’s Orders

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Doctor… Jessica Chastain

Chad… Pete Davidson

Mikey Day

[Starts with Doctor visiting a patient]

Doctor: Well, I have the first good news in weeks. The infection stopped spreading. You’re gonna make a full recovery. We almost lost you, Chad.

Chad: Okay.

[emotional happy music playing in the background]

Doctor: I have to say, I am going to miss you, Chad.

Chad: Okay.

Doctor: And I– [Doctor sits on patient’s bed] I think I’ve fallen in love with you, Chad.

Chad: Okay.

Doctor: I know you must have a million thoughts racing through your mind. [Doctor stands and looks away] You are driving me crazy. Every time I look at you, I just want to climb on that bed and make sweet love to you.

Chad: Nice.

[Chad is lowering his patient bad to make it horizontal]

Doctor: But we can’t.

Chad: Oh, okay.

[Chad lifts his patient bed again]

Doctor: I’m your doctor, for god’s sake.

Chad: Okay.

Doctor: But I must confess. [Doctor opens her hair bun] I’ve fantasized about lying on your chest as you play with my hair. Talking about our lives. [whispering] Our hopes. Our dreams.

Chad: I peed. [Chad passes Doctor his urine bowl. Doctor takes it and puts it away.]

Doctor: I understand if my argument lacks validity.

Chad: Ha-ha. Titty.

Doctor: But it can never happen. I would be fired for becoming involve with a patient. Is it crazy that I would be willing to risk my entire career to be with you, Chad?

[Doctor turns around. Chad is gone.]

Chad?

[Doctor walks out of the patient’s room. She looks around. Chad is running around on automatic wheelchair.]

Chad, could you please come back here for a moment?

Chad: Okay.

[Chad walks in and lies on the bed]

Doctor: As a doctor, I listened to hearts everyday. It’s time I listen to my own. It wants you, Chad. Ooh, god, it’s racing right now.

[Chad is looking at his genitals]

Chad: Yo, is that a zip or herpes?

Doctor: [looking at Chad’s genitals] I think it’s a little ingrown hair.

Chad: Dope!

Doctor: Now, get some sleep, young man. And dream about me. [Doctor leans towards Chad’s ear and whispers] Doctor’s orders.

Chad: Okay.

[Doctor walks to the door, stops and looks behind]

Doctor: And Chad.

[Chad is already sleeping.] [door knocking] [Mikey walks in with Chad’s food.] [to Mikey] You know, I never asked how he got sick?

Mikey: Oh, his friend dared him to eat dog turd.

[Doctor looks at Chad]

Doctor: God, that’s sexy.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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