Dog Infomercial | Season 44 Episode 4

Sonja Vegamonté…..Cecily Strong

Damien Regulanté…..Jonah Hill

Ma…..Aidy Bryant

Z…..Kyle Mooney

Dana…..Kenan Thompson

[ Sonja and Damien are speaking to the camera. There are various sketches of pugs hanging on the wall behind them. ]

Sonja: Hi, I’m Sonja Vegamonté.

Damien: And I’m a domestic partner, Damien Regulanté. If you’re anything like us, you breed pugs.

Sonja: But you wish they were more handsome and refined looking. I mean, he he, look at this one. [ She is handed a pug. ] Look how ugly this one’s face is.

Damien: He knows it, too.

Sonja: Yeah.

Damien: He’s bald. What’s the answer? I don’t need to tell you. You know. It’s pug wigs.

Sonja: Yeah, but where do you get one? Right here, at our flagship store, Pug Wigs!

[ Cut to Damien and Sonja walking out in front of a display of various wigs on shelves. ]

Damien: Look at all of this. We got so many wigs; I get sick of it.

Sonja: When you put one of our wigs on your pug, you go from zero to ten, in a flash. Ma, bring out the first model.

[ Cut to Ma walking out holding a pug in a curly blonde wig. ]

Ma: Alright, this pug’s name is Magnolia.

Damien: Magnolia is sporting the wig from our Legends of Cinema Line.

Sonja: This is, of course, the Marilyn Monroe.

Ma: Yeah, Magnolia used to be a solid two. But with this wig, she looks like she’s ready to get mixed up in a presidential scandal. Sleeping with the President.

Sonja: Mmmhmm. He he.

Ma: Oh, hell yes. She can sleep with the President in this wig.

Sonja: Yeah.

Damien: Yeah, that pug is so sexy delicious now.

Sonja: Oh wow, now all the boy pugs wants to jump her bones, now even though she got nothing to give down there. Let’s go Ma, let’s go. [ She ushers Ma off the stage with the pug. ]

Damien: Time for more pugs. Oh, look who decided to join us, my son Z, back from the drug hotel.

[ Z walks onto the stage holding a pug wearing a wig with the classic Rachel look. ]

Z: My parents make wigs for dogs, it could’ve been way worse.

Damien: Show off your pug.

Z: Alright, this is Harriet. She’s sporting a ‘Rachel Green’ from Friends. She’s America’s sweetheart. [ He sings to the tune of Friends theme song. ] But no one told you that your pug could look this great.. [ He does the clap from the Friends theme song. ]

Damien: That is one fresh looking girl-next-door pug. Very dateable.

[ Z walks off the stage with the pug. ]

Damien: Next we have Denise with Humphrey.

[ Ma (Denise) walks back onto the stage holding a pug wearing a frizzy blonde wig. ]

Ma (Denise): Yes, and Humphrey is rockin’ an Ed Sheeran wig. Look how contemporary he looks.

Damien: [ He sings to the tune of ‘Shape of You’ by Ed Sheeran. ] He’s in love with the shape of his pug wig… And next is my wonderful partner, Sonja [ Ma walks off stage with the pug. ] accompanied by Olive. Yes.

[ Sonja walks back on stage with a pug wearing a messy light brunette wig. ]

Sonja: Yes, she is feeling her confidence in this Tina Turner wig. From our Vintage Diva Line. Wow, look at the height in this.

Sonja and Damien: [ They sing together. ] What’s love got to do, got to do with it…?

Damien: I’ll tell you what, everything.

Sonja: Okay, we have so much more, like [ Cut to a pug wearing a short black wig. The screen reads ‘Liza Minnelli.’ ] Liza Minnelli.

Damien: Troye Sivan. [ Cut to a pug wearing a combed over the white-haired wig. The screen reads ‘Troye Sivan.’ ]

Sonja: Larry David. [ Cut to a pug wearing a wig that is only on the sides of his head in grey and white. The screen reads ‘Larry David.’ ]

Damien: A Wall Street type. [ Cut to a pug wearing a wig that is dark grey comb-over. The screen reads ‘Wall Street Type.’ ]

Sonja: Hip-hop. [ Cut to a pug wearing a wig that is a brunette flat-top afro. The screen reads ‘Hip Hop.’ ]

Damien: Post Malone. [ Cut to a pug wearing a wig that is curly short brown hair. The screen reads ‘Post Malone.’ ]

Sonja: And, Lady Diana. [ Cut to a pug wearing a wig that is blonde and side swept. The screen reads ‘Lady Diana.’ ] Awwww.

Damien: This is a legit business people.

Sonja: Yeah, it’s not a front for anything, so.

Damien: And make sure to check out our sister store. Dana, tell them about it.

[ Dana walks to holding two pugs wearing beard wigs. ]

Dana: My pleasure. If your boy pugs want facial hair, bring them by my shop, Dana Simpson’s Boy Pug Beard and Goatee. Frederick is rocking a ZZ Top and Tex here is looking crazy handsome in a brand new Wolf Blitzer. [ He walks off stage with the pugs. ]

Damien: Thanks, Dana. So come to Pug Wigs, just pugs and wigs for their bald heads.

Sonja: Yeah, so Ma. Take us out with a song.

[ Music starts to play, and Ma comes back on stage. ]

Ma: You got a fugly pug? Put a rug on that pug. [ She scats. ] Pug Wigs.

 

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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