Donald Glover Monologue

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Donald Glover

Kyle Mooney

Kenan Thompson

[Starts with SNL monologue intro] [Cut to SNL stage] [Band is playing music]

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Donald Glover.

[Donald Glover walks in and to the stage] [cheers and applause]

Donald Glover: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you guys, so much. Thank you. I’m really excited to be hosting Saturday Night Live. And the answer to the question everyone’s asking is, “Yes, I am Dani Glover’s father.” I used to live in New York and it’s so great to be back here. Specially now that I’m rich. You know, seriously. I recommend it. I was poor here and it’s way better when you’re rich. But it’s truly is an honor to be hosting SNL, and you know, instead of just auditioning for it which I did twice. That’s not a joke. I just still pissed. But it all kind of worked out for me. I was on a show called “Community.” [cheers and applause] And I play Lando Calrissian in the new Star Wars movie solo. [cheers and applause] And if you’re black, I met Atlanta and Redbone. [cheers and applause] Lot of black people in here.

I’m an actor, a writer and a singer. Some people have described me as a triple threat. But I kind of like to call myself just a threat. Not to bring up my audition because I’m not hung up on it. I still don’t know why I didn’t get the job. I’m good at lot of things like, music. Can I get a 180 tempo, something jazzy in the key of D? Hit it.

[The band playing music]

There we go. That feels good. Let’s take a walk, shall we?

[Donald Glover walks out of the stage.] [singing] I really can do anything

[walks to Kyle Mooney] Hey, what’s going on, Kyle?

Kyle: Hey, Donald. Not much.

Donald Glover: Ah! Hey, let me ask you a question. What did you do for you audition?

Kyle: Bunch of characters. [showing the skateboard] Then I did this skateboarding a bit.

Donald Glover: Oh, you skateboard?

Kyle: Yeah. Yeah.

Donald Glover: Can I have the skateboard? I can do that too. You know?

Kyle: No problem, yeah. Go for it.

Donald Glover: You mind if I do it?

Kyle: Please.

Donald Glover: Awesome.

[Donald Glover tries the skateboard. He falls down badly. He stands suddenly.]

That’s called an ollie.

Kyle: Oh, my god. Are you okay?

Donald Glover: Yeah. I’m great. I’ll see you later.

Kyle: Are you sure?

[Donald Glover just walks way]

Donald Glover: [singing] I really can do anything

[Donald Glover walks to Kenan Thompson. He is cooking something.]

Hey, Kenan. How are you?

Kenan: Hey. Good, man.

Donald Glover: So, what did you do for your audition?

Kenan: Do you have any idea how long ago that was? I have no idea.

Donald Glover: Are you doing your chef character? Can I? I can do that too.

[Donald Glover picks up a cup, takes whatever Kenan is cooking in it and drinks it.]

Kenan: No, no. I’m sorry. I was cleaning rags in there. You gonna get sick, man.

Donald Glover: Oh! Nah, dude. I’ve got an iron stomach. All I ate is hotdogs backstage. I can really do anything.

[Donald Glover walks away] [singing] I really can do anything

[Donald Glover walks to a guy who is fixing things at the ceiling with a long stick]

Hey, that looks– you mind if I give it a little– I can do that. [Donald Glover takes the stick] [Donald Glover burps] Oh! Got a little tummy trouble. Let me try this a little bit. [Donald Glover tries to do what the guys was doing. All the lights turn off.] Oh! That fixed it.

[Donald Glover walks away to Cecily Strong and Beck Bennett]

Hey, Cecily, Beck. What did you guys do for your audition?

Beck: Oh, well, I’m very glad you asked.

Donald Glover: Oh, I do not want to know.

[Donald Glover walks away]

Cecily: Oh, he’s obsessed with his audition.

Beck: I know. He keeps showing us his audition tape and he won’t watch mine.

Cecily: Alright. He keeps bragging that he can play clarinet. What even is that?

Beck: Yeah. He thinks being here this week will help him get on SNL.

Cecily: He’s hosting SNL.

Beck: Oh, have I shown you my audition tape?

Cecily: Beck?

[Cut to Donald Glover back on the stage. He is carrying a clarinet.]

Donald Glover: Did I mention I can play clarinet?

[Donald Glover just screams into the clarinet. The clarinet is not playing at all.]

You know, it actually went better at my audition. We’ve got a great show for you tonight. Childish Gambino is here. So, stick around and we’ll be right back.

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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