Scott… Beck Bennett
Claire… Melissa Villaseñor
Justin… Sterling K. Brown
Mrs. Reed… Aidy Bryant
[Starts with a family having dinner at home with daughter’s boyfriend.]
Claire: [laughing] Dad.
Scott: Anyway. Moral of the story, don’t have a fender bender with the NBA’s Penny Hardaway.
Justin: Oh, wow. I can’t believe that happened, Mr. Anderson.
Scott: Call me Scott.
Mrs. Reed: You know, Claire’s told us so much about you, Justin. I think she likes you.
Claire: Okay, mom. That’s enough.
Justin: Oh, gosh. Well, I like that pot roast, Mrs. Reed. And I’ll tell you what. I feel like home with you guys already. You’re so much fun.
Claire: Aw, Justin.
Mrs. Reed: Well, we are– you are just welcome to stay as long as you want. Although, I will say we conk out at about nine. And occasionally when we get really wild, we watch a movie.
Scott: Yeah. We just rented Coco Pixar film. Just won the Oscar. Phenomenal.
Mrs. Reed: Yeah. Best animated movie I’ve ever seen. Hands down. Oh, and as per tomorrow we can just–
[Justin is laughing]
Justin: That’s a good one. Oh!
Mrs. Reed: Sorry, what?
Scott: What is Justing?
Justin: Oh, your wife’s jokes. She just said that Coco is the best animated film she’s ever seen. It made me laugh. That’s all.
Mrs. Reed: Oh! I wasn’t joking exactly.
Justin: Oh, com on. No. It’s Shrek. You haven’t ever heard of it? I’m serious, Shrek.
Mrs. Reed: Oh, um, yes. You know, I believe that we saw that one, right honey?
Scott: Um, maybe on a plane. Yeah. Pretty good. Is that your favorite, Justin?
Justin: No, Scott, I’m a liar. Yes, it is my favorite. it’s also the best. That’s just the fact.
Claire: It’s okay, Justin.
Justin: It’s not okay. It’s annoying.
Scott: We just like the Pixars. That’s all. Now, who would like some cran apple pie?
Claire: Ooh, I would. My dad makes the most amazing cran apple pie.
Justin: Sure. Whatever. I’m sorry, you have seen Shrek. Right?
Scott: No. We’ve seen it.
Claire: Justin, drop it.
Justin: This is hilarious to me. Myers, Murphy, Diaz, Lithgow, a murderous role of voice talent. Can you say the same for Coco? I doubt it.
Mrs. Reed: Yeah. I don’t know. I guess I just always found the whole Ogre thing a little off putting.
Justin: [yelling] No!
Claire: Justin!
Justin: You’re wrong. You’re wrong and you’re stupid person.
Scott: Easy, fella.
Mrs. Reed: My goodness.
Justin: Whatever. Screw it. What’s that dumb ass pie you were talking about?
Mrs. Reed: Okay, what in the world is this about?
Justin: I just doing like being bullied. That’s all.
Scott: Alright. Okay. I don’t think anyone was bullying you exactly.
Justin: Ha-ha-ha. Everybody laugh at the guy whose favorite movie is Shrek. He must be an idiot.
Mrs. Reed: Okay. Well, I do not think you’re an idiot at all. And I apologize if it came off that way.
Justin: Apology rejected.
Claire: Maybe we should just go.
Justin: Why? I’m having a great time. Are you not having a great time, Scott?
Scott: Oh, I’m not. And that’s about your tone, fella.
Justin: I can’t believe I have to defend a movie with three hit sequels and 4D Universal Studio drive. But let’s all bend over backwards for Coco, right Scott?
Scott: Easy, donkey! Oh. I’m kidding, Justin. Just trying to lighten the mood here. Do a little Shrek for ya.
Justin: Keep his name out of your mouth you dumb son of a bitch.
[Justin throws water from his glass on Scott’s face]
Scott: Okay. [bangs the table] That’s it.
Justin: What? Fight me, bully. Come on.
Mrs. Reed: Okay. Let’s all just calm down.
Claire: Justin, what the hell? You’re ruining the big surprise.
Mrs. Reed: What surprise?
Claire: We’re engaged.
Scott: [yelling] What?
Justin: Yeah. We’re getting married. So you both can eat my butt.
Claire: Oh!
Justin: And guess who’s officiating?
Scott: Who? Shrek?
Justin: No, you dumb ass. Shrek is CGI. What? It’s Puss in Boots himself, Antonio Banderas. Ever heard of him?
Mrs. Reed: I’m upset. I’m very upset now. And I’d like for you to leave.
Scott: [yelling] How the hell did you swing Antonio Banderas?
Justin: It’s called money. Everyone has a price. Even Antonio Banderas. What’s your’s? 30 bucks? You cheap ass!
[Justin throws water from his glass on Scott’s face again.]
Scott: That’s it. I’m calling the police.
Justin: Oopdie-doo, Claire. Let’s leave.
Claire: Um, I’m gonna stay. You can go, Justin.
Justin: Wait, what? Baby, what did I do?
[The End]
