Family Dinner – Shrek

0
(0)

Scott… Beck Bennett

Claire… Melissa Villaseñor

Justin… Sterling K. Brown

Mrs. Reed… Aidy Bryant

[Starts with a family having dinner at home with daughter’s boyfriend.]

Claire: [laughing] Dad.

Scott: Anyway. Moral of the story, don’t have a fender bender with the NBA’s Penny Hardaway.

Justin: Oh, wow. I can’t believe that happened, Mr. Anderson.

Scott: Call me Scott.

Mrs. Reed: You know, Claire’s told us so much about you, Justin. I think she likes you.

Claire: Okay, mom. That’s enough.

Justin: Oh, gosh. Well, I like that pot roast, Mrs. Reed. And I’ll tell you what. I feel like home with you guys already. You’re so much fun.

Claire: Aw, Justin.

Mrs. Reed: Well, we are– you are just welcome to stay as long as you want. Although, I will say we conk out at about nine. And occasionally when we get really wild, we watch a movie.

Scott: Yeah. We just rented Coco Pixar film. Just won the Oscar. Phenomenal.

Mrs. Reed: Yeah. Best animated movie I’ve ever seen. Hands down. Oh, and as per tomorrow we can just–

[Justin is laughing]

Justin: That’s a good one. Oh!

Mrs. Reed: Sorry, what?

Scott: What is Justing?

Justin: Oh, your wife’s jokes. She just said that Coco is the best animated film she’s ever seen. It made me laugh. That’s all.

Mrs. Reed: Oh! I wasn’t joking exactly.

Justin: Oh, com on. No. It’s Shrek. You haven’t ever heard of it? I’m serious, Shrek.

Mrs. Reed: Oh, um, yes. You know, I believe that we saw that one, right honey?

Scott: Um, maybe on a plane. Yeah. Pretty good. Is that your favorite, Justin?

Justin: No, Scott, I’m a liar. Yes, it is my favorite. it’s also the best. That’s just the fact.

Claire: It’s okay, Justin.

Justin: It’s not okay. It’s annoying.

Scott: We just like the Pixars. That’s all. Now, who would like some cran apple pie?

Claire: Ooh, I would. My dad makes the most amazing cran apple pie.

Justin: Sure. Whatever. I’m sorry, you have seen Shrek. Right?

Scott: No. We’ve seen it.

Claire: Justin, drop it.

Justin: This is hilarious to me. Myers, Murphy, Diaz, Lithgow, a murderous role of voice talent. Can you say the same for Coco? I doubt it.

Mrs. Reed: Yeah. I don’t know. I guess I just always found the whole Ogre thing a little off putting.

Justin: [yelling] No!

Claire: Justin!

Justin: You’re wrong. You’re wrong and you’re stupid person.

Scott: Easy, fella.

Mrs. Reed: My goodness.

Justin: Whatever. Screw it. What’s that dumb ass pie you were talking about?

Mrs. Reed: Okay, what in the world is this about?

Justin: I just doing like being bullied. That’s all.

Scott: Alright. Okay. I don’t think anyone was bullying you exactly.

Justin: Ha-ha-ha. Everybody laugh at the guy whose favorite movie is Shrek. He must be an idiot.

Mrs. Reed: Okay. Well, I do not think you’re an idiot at all. And I apologize if it came off that way.

Justin: Apology rejected.

Claire: Maybe we should just go.

Justin: Why? I’m having a great time. Are you not having a great time, Scott?

Scott: Oh, I’m not. And that’s about your tone, fella.

Justin: I can’t believe I have to defend a movie with three hit sequels and 4D Universal Studio drive. But let’s all bend over backwards for Coco, right Scott?

Scott: Easy, donkey! Oh. I’m kidding, Justin. Just trying to lighten the mood here. Do a little Shrek for ya.

Justin: Keep his name out of your mouth you dumb son of a bitch.

[Justin throws water from his glass on Scott’s face]

Scott: Okay. [bangs the table] That’s it.

Justin: What? Fight me, bully. Come on.

Mrs. Reed: Okay. Let’s all just calm down.

Claire: Justin, what the hell? You’re ruining the big surprise.

Mrs. Reed: What surprise?

Claire: We’re engaged.

Scott: [yelling] What?

Justin: Yeah. We’re getting married. So you both can eat my butt.

Claire: Oh!

Justin: And guess who’s officiating?

Scott: Who? Shrek?

Justin: No, you dumb ass. Shrek is CGI. What? It’s Puss in Boots himself, Antonio Banderas. Ever heard of him?

Mrs. Reed: I’m upset. I’m very upset now. And I’d like for you to leave.

Scott: [yelling] How the hell did you swing Antonio Banderas?

Justin: It’s called money. Everyone has a price. Even Antonio Banderas. What’s your’s? 30 bucks? You cheap ass!

[Justin throws water from his glass on Scott’s face again.]

Scott: That’s it. I’m calling the police.

Justin: Oopdie-doo, Claire. Let’s leave.

Claire: Um, I’m gonna stay. You can go, Justin.

Justin: Wait, what? Baby, what did I do?

[The End]

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments