Gina Barbarosa… Kate McKinnon
Sandy Dentista… Claire Foy
Marian Perillo… Aidy Bryant
Tony… Pete Davidson
[TV show intro playing]Narrator: You’re watching Staten Island cable.
[Cut to Gina and Sandy sitting on a couch of their set]Gina Barbarosa: It’s 8 AM in Woodrow, Staten Island which means you’re watching “Good morning Goomah.” As always, I’m Gina Barbarosa.
Sandy Dentista: And I am waiting for him to call. I kid. I’m Sandy Dentista.
Gina Barbarosa: And to all the Goomahs watching at home, welcome to the worst month of the year.
Sandy Dentista: December. O
Gina Barbarosa: The holidays.
Sandy Dentista: When he has to see the family.
Gina Barbarosa: Because Christmas is for wives but you know in your heart he loves you just as much because say it with me—
Gina Barbarosa and Sandy Dentista: You do things the wife would never do!
Sandy Dentista: Look what he got me. Is that just fabulous?
Gina Barbarosa: Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
Sandy Dentista: He says it was an apartment ring because I’m not allowed to wear it outside of the apartment.
Gina Barbarosa: Oh, okay. So trust me, today is jewelry, tomorrow he’s going to be eating with you in public. I can’t. I can’t
Sandy Dentista: Okay, so now it’s time for an advertisement.
Gina Barbarosa: Okay, let’s get going. Today’s episode is brought to you by Virginia slim’s extra long.
Sandy Dentista: They’re 30% longer because what do you have to do all day?
Gina Barbarosa: Okay, we have a real exciting one today. [Someone presses the door buzzer] Okay, here we go.
Sandy Dentista: Every time.
Speaker on the door: Hello! Leave my husband alone. Do you hear me?
Sandy Dentista: Just got to wait it out.
Speaker on the door: Is this the super? There is a whore living in this building. Dentista, Sandy, whore! 2C, whore.
Gina Barbarosa: Remember, he has to go home to that.
Sandy Dentista: Please, I’m immune. He still uses condoms with that, that one. Oh, the storm passed.
Gina Barbarosa: We’re fine.
Sandy Dentista: Okay, our first guests is Bobby Valico’s her Goomah. Marian Perillo.
[Marian Perillo walks in with a little puppy]
Marian Perillo: Oh, hey sandy, hey Gina.
Sandy Dentista: Hey! Oh, nice little dog. It’s nice to have you on. I hear Bobby’s very happy. But I have to ask you, what happened to the old Goomah?
Marian Perillo: Oh well, you didn’t hear it from me, but she’s called the house.
[Cut to Gina and Sandy]Gina Barbarosa: No! Was she sick?
Sandy Dentista: When your man gets home before things get romantic, does he say hello?
[Cut to Marian Perillo]Marian Perillo: Never. No, I never get a hello.
[Cut to Gina and Sandy]Gina Barbarosa: And by romantic, we do mean getting pulverized from the back.
Sandy Dentista: Of course, the only way.
[Cut to Marian Perillo]Marian Perillo: Yes, of course, face to face is for—
[Cut to everybody]Everybody: The wives!
Gina Barbarosa: Oh, my god!
[Cut to Gina and Sandy]Sandy Dentista: Oh, my god! Tony is here.
Gina Barbarosa: Oh my god. I told you he’d come. Oh my god.
[Tony comes in from the door. Sandy stands up and walks behind Tony]Sandy Dentista: Hey, Tony darling! So good to see you, baby cakes.
Tony: You got orange juice?
[Cut to Sandy and Tony]Sandy Dentista: Of course I do Tony darling. It’s on the table.
Tony: On the table? So it’s hot! You got a hot orange juice. You don’t have cold orange juice? You don’t have ice cubes in it? What the hell?
Sandy Dentista: No Tony. Please, Tony.
Tony: No Tony this, no Tony that! How about this, no Tony!
[Tony walks to the door]Sandy Dentista: What I got to do. All I do is love you.
Tony: Then get me some cold orange juice! [Tony throws some money to Sandy and storms out]
Sandy Dentista: Why are you so perfect?
Gina Barbarosa: [Cut to Gina] I mean And that’s all for this week on “Good Morning Goomah.” [Sandy comes and sits beside Gina] I’m Gina Barbarosa, and remember, wait it out.
Sandy Dentista: He’s only with her for the kids.
It’s like Diet Sopranos!