Sarah Huckabee Sanders…..Aidy Bryant[ Sarah is sitting up in her bed because she can’t sleep. Cut to a digital clock that reads 2:55 am. ]
Female Voiceover: Sometimes getting a good night’s sleep isn’t as easy as shutting your eyes. [ Cut back to Sarah getting out of bed. ] When the workday you had threatens to ruin the night’s sleep you want, you need something that works. [ Cut to a medicine cabinet opening. ] There’s only one over-the-counter sleep aid that answers the question, ‘How do you sleep at night?’ [ Sarah’s hand finds and grabs the bottle of ‘HuckaPM’ in the medicine cabinet. ] Its HuckaPM. The only sleep medication strong enough for [ Sarah closes the medicine cabinet holding the pill bottle and looking at herself in the mirror. ] Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Sarah: People are always asking me, “How do you sleep at night?” In fact, they scream it at me all day long.[ Cut to Sarah holding a mug in her bedroom watching herself on TV. On TV she says, “The caravan is headed straight for us, and it is filled MS-13s and also chupacabras. ]
Sarah Voiceover: That’s why when I’m ready for bed [ She is standing by her bed. ] [ Cut to Sarah talking to the camera]
Sarah: I always reach for my secret weapon.[ Cut to Sarah opening the pill bottle and pouring one into her hand. ]
Sarah Voiceover: Just one little pill is enough to ease me into the gentlest.. [Sarah takes the pills and passes out immediately. She drops her mug and lands face first on her bed. She bounces off the bed and falls to the floor in front of the bed. ]
Female Voiceover: HuckaPM contains melatonin, extra strength quaaludes, and what Michael Jackson’s doctor called, ‘one and dones.’
Sarah: No matter what tomorrow’s workload brings, I know it won’t keep me up at night.[ Cut to Sarah talking on her cell phone. ]
Sarah: CNN is just ISIS spelled backwards? Sounds good to me, sir. [ Sarah hangs up her phone and takes a pill. She falls over immediately, over the banister and down the stairs. ] [ Cut to Sarah speaking to the camera. ]
Sarah: It’s the only sleep aide I reach for.[ Cut to Sarah at the podium speaking as the White House correspondent. ]
Sarah: Alright guys, listen up, birthright citizenship is over, and it’s the Democrats fault. So we want you to remember that. So let’s pack up those babies and get them out of here. Thank you so much. [ She walks off the stage from the podium to the backstage area and looks into the camera. She begins to speak. ] Wow, that was exhausting. [ She giggles and grabs a pill to take. ] Mmmm. That took.[ She falls over immediately crushing a table of refreshments. ] [ Cut to an image of HuckaPM pill bottle and box. ]
Female Voiceover: HuckaPM. How do you sleep at night?