Democrat 1…..Heidi Gardner
Democrat 2…..Beck Bennett
Democrat 3…..Kate McKinnon
Democrat 4…..Jonah Hill
Democrat 5…..Leslie Jones
Democrat 6…..Kyle Mooney
Democrat 7…..Pete Davidson
Democrat 8…..Aidy Bryant
Democrat 1: This Tuesday, November 6th, Democrats are bringing much needed changed to America. There’s a blue wave on the horizon, and I have never felt more confident. [ She raises a thumbs up but her hand is shaking, and she is smiling nervously. ] [ Cut to Democrat 2 standing on sidewalk wearing a blue dress shirt and blue tie. ]
Democrat 2: The Democrats are taking back the House. It’s a win we need and a win we’re going to get. [ He raises his cup of coffee with a shaking hand popping the lid off the cup. ] I’m sure of it. [ He is shaking as he tries to take a sip while spilling coffee all over. ] [ Cut to Democrat 3, in a blue collared top and blue apron, she is arranging flowers in her shop. Her hands are shaking violently, and petals are flying off her flowers as she tries to place them in the vase. ]
Democrat 3: They say don’t trust the polls, but I’m choosing to. We’re finally going to put this administration in check.[ Cut to Democrat 4, a doctor wearing a lab coat and a blue sweater. He is standing with his patient. ]
Democrat 4: It’s been a minute, but we’re going to win. Nancy Pelosi just said so on Colbert. [ He grabs an oxygen mask and huffs the air. ] [ Cut to Democrat 5 holding a kitty. ]
Democrat 5: White women promised to do the right thing this time. They’re not gonna let us down, right? [ The camera zooms in on the kitty who rolls its eyes and meows. ] [ Cut to Democrat 2 back on the sidewalk. ]
Democrat 2: We’re gonna win! Yeah! [ He takes a joint out of the mouth of a passerby and smokes it. ] [ Cut back to Democrat 3 in her flower shop. ]
Democrat 3: This ones in the bag. [ She is pouring liquor into a flower vase and then takes a large gulp from it. ] [ Cut to Democrat 6 sitting on a park bench. ]
Democrat 6: Sorry, Republicans. This one goes to the, goes to the Democrats.[ Cut back to Democrat 1 in her front yard. Her children are playing behind her. ]
Democrat 1: And once we win, will everything suddenly get better? No, there’s still a long, hard… KIDS! Go inside! [ She is yelling at her children. ] Mommy told you, go inside till Tuesday!
Kid 1: Till Tuesday?
Democrat 1: Just go the [bleep] inside![ Cut to Democrat 7 sitting with his mom, Democrat 8. ]
Democrat 7: Me and my friends can’t wait to vote. So we will see you at the polls, next Thursday.
Democrat 8: Tuesday.
Democrat 7: I know, mom. I’m kidding.
Democrat 8: It was not funny!! [ She slaps democrat 7 across the face. ] [ Cut to Democrat 5 holding two kittens. ]
Democrat 5: So be part of the victory. Get out there and vote.[ Cut to Democrat 4 with his patient in the examining room. He has his arm around the patient, and he is shaking him. ]
Democrat 4: Promise me, you’re gonna vote!
Patient: I am.[ Cut to Democrat 2 on the sidewalk. He lifts his arms up to reveal that he is drenched in sweat. ]
Democrat 2: It feels pretty good!
Democrat 1: We’re gonna win! [ Her two kids peak out the front door. ] Stay in there!!![ Cut to Democrat 8 shaking Democrat 7 who is holding his face where he was slapped. ]
Democrat 8: We’re gonna win.[ Cut to Democrat 3. She is slamming a thumbs up on the table in her flower shop and is visibly drunk. ]
Democrat 3: We got this. [ She screams, and as her scream gets louder, she breaks all the glass in her shop window. ] [ Cut to title screen that reads, “VOTE! PLEASE?” There is a graphic of a red, white, and blue donkey with a nervous look on his face next to the words. ]