Movie Talkback: Season 44 Episode 3

Andrew Phillips…..Seth Meyers

Malcolm Seats…..Kenan Thompson

Audience 1…..Aidy Bryant

Audience 2…..Kate McKinnon

Audience 3…..Beck Bennett

Audience 4…..Heidi Gardner

Audience 5…..Kyle Mooney

Audience 6…..Leslie Jones

Audience 7…..Cecily Strong

[ Image of an IFC movie theatre with the title: ‘Special Screening: South of Mason’. ] [ Cut to a curtain closing in front of a movie screen. Andrew Phillip and Malcolm Seats sitting in front of the curtain. ]

Malcolm: Alright, thank you, everyone. I am Malcolm Seats, the head of programming here at IFC cinemas. And I hope you all enjoy tonight’s special screening of South of Mason. Please welcome the director, Mr. Andrew Phillips.

Andrew: Thank you all so much for being here. [ Cut to the audience in the movie theatre. Everyone is clapping and smiling. ] This movie [ cut back to Andrew and Malcolm. ] means everything to me. And if it doesn’t win some awards, well that’s gonna hurt.

Malcolm: Well, I know our audience is brimming with questions. So, let’s get right to it.

Audience 1: Yeah, hi, I have a question. [ Cut to Audience member approaching the microphone. ] Any reason the father was played by a man?

Andrew: I guess because the character was a father.

Audience 1: Yeah, and I noticed, you’re also not a woman. Interesting.

Andrew: I’m sorry I don’t know how to answer that.

Audience 1: Hmm, why don’t you give me one good reason you’re not Latino? Twitter’s gonna love that. Anyway, perfect movie. And congrats on everything.

Malcolm: Apologies, Mr. Phillips. People really feel empowered when they get in front of a mic. Yes, next.

[ Cut to the second audience member at the microphone. ]

Audience 2: Yes, excuse me, why did you do the names?

Andrew: The names?

Malcolm: I think she’s talking about the credits.

Audience 2: Yes, the list of names at the end. That made me weep. Is that a list of the dead?

Andrew: No. That’s just the cast and crew.

Audience 2: And uh, they are dead?

Andrew: Dead? No.

Audience 2: So they will never die?

Andrew: What? No.

Audience 2: A beautiful film. Very sad. Very sexy. For this experience, I will sit on you.

Andrew: Oh, please don’t.

Malcolm: You sure?

Andrew: Yeah, I’m sure.

Malcolm: Alright then. Next question. And please be respectful of Mr. Phillips time.

Andrew: That’s okay, this is my only thing tonight. Do you have a question, sir?

[ Cut to the third audience member at the microphone. ]

Audience 3: Yes. What does your father think of the film?

Andrew: I don’t know. I actually never met my father.

Audience 3: Well, now you have.

Andrew: Oh my God. Dad?

Malcolm: No. That is Maurice. And he works concessions weekday mornings. Get out of here Maurice.

Audience 3: I’m proud of you, son!

Malcolm: You don’t have kids, Maurice.

[ Cut to the fourth audience member at the microphone. She is holding an old-fashioned suitcase. ]

Audience 4: [ She speaks high pitched with a slight southern belle accent. ] Pardon me. Pardon me. I just got off the train, and I’m so lost and scared. I ain’t never been to New York before. [ She breaks character and speaks normally. ] Hi, Adele Dazeem. Actress, and when I get too old, writer. Mr. Philips, I’d love to be involved in your next project.

Andrew: Great, I’m working on a play.

Audience 4: Oh, pass. [ She walks off. ]

Andrew: Yes, hi, do you have a question?

[ Cut to the fifth audience member at the microphone. ]

Audience 5: Yeah, umm. Why wasn’t there any hip-hop in the movie?

Andrew: Because it takes place during World War Two.

Audience 5: Okay, because I was thinking something like um.. [ He begins to rap. ] Growing up. Showing up to nothing. Wishing daddy would say something but not one thing that I ask.

Malcolm: Ooh. Nope. Moving on!

Andrew: Hey, is it always like this?

Malcolm: Well, believe it or not, yes. We give away the tickets on a public bus.

[ Cut to the 6th audience member at the microphone. ]

Audience 6: I have a question. Is there a reception after this?

Andrew: Yes.

Audience 6: And how long should that last?

Andrew: Hour tops.

Audience 6: Okay, okay. I see. Now, if you live 20 minutes from here, what time would you make it home?

Andrew: 20 minutes from here? I don’t know. 11, 11:30?

Audience 6: Hmmm. So tell me why this man right here thinks it’s okay to roll up in my house at 3 am? Smelling like corn liquor because he said he had a reception at work.

Malcolm: I will see you at home, Rhonda.

Audience 6: If you have a home to come to. [ She walks off, and the seventh audience member walks up to the microphone holding a small dog in a carrying pouch. ]

Audience 7: Umm, excuse me. I like the movie, but my daughter disagrees. [ She points to her dog. ]

Malcolm: That’s a dog ma’am, and you can’t have that in here.

Audience 7: Well, what am I supposed to do?! Leave her at home? She’ll commit suicide!

Malcolm: And that’s all the time we have for today.

Andrew: Oh wow.

Malcolm: Thank you, Mr. Phillips, for being here.

[ Audience member 6 walks over to Malcolm. ]

Audience 6: We go home now?!

Malcolm: Yes, okay. Let’s go.

[ Cut to image of outside the theatre front. ]

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