Andrew Phillips…..Seth Meyers
Malcolm Seats…..Kenan Thompson
Audience 1…..Aidy Bryant
Audience 2…..Kate McKinnon
Audience 3…..Beck Bennett
Audience 4…..Heidi Gardner
Audience 5…..Kyle Mooney
Audience 6…..Leslie Jones
Audience 7…..Cecily Strong
Malcolm: Alright, thank you, everyone. I am Malcolm Seats, the head of programming here at IFC cinemas. And I hope you all enjoy tonight’s special screening of South of Mason. Please welcome the director, Mr. Andrew Phillips.
Andrew: Thank you all so much for being here. [ Cut to the audience in the movie theatre. Everyone is clapping and smiling. ] This movie [ cut back to Andrew and Malcolm. ] means everything to me. And if it doesn’t win some awards, well that’s gonna hurt.
Malcolm: Well, I know our audience is brimming with questions. So, let’s get right to it.
Audience 1: Yeah, hi, I have a question. [ Cut to Audience member approaching the microphone. ] Any reason the father was played by a man?
Andrew: I guess because the character was a father.
Audience 1: Yeah, and I noticed, you’re also not a woman. Interesting.
Andrew: I’m sorry I don’t know how to answer that.
Audience 1: Hmm, why don’t you give me one good reason you’re not Latino? Twitter’s gonna love that. Anyway, perfect movie. And congrats on everything.
Malcolm: Apologies, Mr. Phillips. People really feel empowered when they get in front of a mic. Yes, next.[ Cut to the second audience member at the microphone. ]
Audience 2: Yes, excuse me, why did you do the names?
Andrew: The names?
Malcolm: I think she’s talking about the credits.
Audience 2: Yes, the list of names at the end. That made me weep. Is that a list of the dead?
Andrew: No. That’s just the cast and crew.
Audience 2: And uh, they are dead?
Andrew: Dead? No.
Audience 2: So they will never die?
Andrew: What? No.
Audience 2: A beautiful film. Very sad. Very sexy. For this experience, I will sit on you.
Andrew: Oh, please don’t.
Malcolm: You sure?
Andrew: Yeah, I’m sure.
Malcolm: Alright then. Next question. And please be respectful of Mr. Phillips time.
Andrew: That’s okay, this is my only thing tonight. Do you have a question, sir?[ Cut to the third audience member at the microphone. ]
Audience 3: Yes. What does your father think of the film?
Andrew: I don’t know. I actually never met my father.
Audience 3: Well, now you have.
Andrew: Oh my God. Dad?
Malcolm: No. That is Maurice. And he works concessions weekday mornings. Get out of here Maurice.
Audience 3: I’m proud of you, son!
Malcolm: You don’t have kids, Maurice.[ Cut to the fourth audience member at the microphone. She is holding an old-fashioned suitcase. ]
Audience 4: [ She speaks high pitched with a slight southern belle accent. ] Pardon me. Pardon me. I just got off the train, and I’m so lost and scared. I ain’t never been to New York before. [ She breaks character and speaks normally. ] Hi, Adele Dazeem. Actress, and when I get too old, writer. Mr. Philips, I’d love to be involved in your next project.
Andrew: Great, I’m working on a play.
Audience 4: Oh, pass. [ She walks off. ]
Andrew: Yes, hi, do you have a question?[ Cut to the fifth audience member at the microphone. ]
Audience 5: Yeah, umm. Why wasn’t there any hip-hop in the movie?
Andrew: Because it takes place during World War Two.
Audience 5: Okay, because I was thinking something like um.. [ He begins to rap. ] Growing up. Showing up to nothing. Wishing daddy would say something but not one thing that I ask.
Malcolm: Ooh. Nope. Moving on!
Andrew: Hey, is it always like this?
Malcolm: Well, believe it or not, yes. We give away the tickets on a public bus.[ Cut to the 6th audience member at the microphone. ]
Audience 6: I have a question. Is there a reception after this?
Audience 6: And how long should that last?
Andrew: Hour tops.
Audience 6: Okay, okay. I see. Now, if you live 20 minutes from here, what time would you make it home?
Andrew: 20 minutes from here? I don’t know. 11, 11:30?
Audience 6: Hmmm. So tell me why this man right here thinks it’s okay to roll up in my house at 3 am? Smelling like corn liquor because he said he had a reception at work.
Malcolm: I will see you at home, Rhonda.
Audience 6: If you have a home to come to. [ She walks off, and the seventh audience member walks up to the microphone holding a small dog in a carrying pouch. ]
Audience 7: Umm, excuse me. I like the movie, but my daughter disagrees. [ She points to her dog. ]
Malcolm: That’s a dog ma’am, and you can’t have that in here.
Audience 7: Well, what am I supposed to do?! Leave her at home? She’ll commit suicide!
Malcolm: And that’s all the time we have for today.
Andrew: Oh wow.
Malcolm: Thank you, Mr. Phillips, for being here.[ Audience member 6 walks over to Malcolm. ]
Audience 6: We go home now?!
Malcolm: Yes, okay. Let’s go.[ Cut to image of outside the theatre front. ]