Announcer…..Darrell Hammond
Performer 1…..Aidy Bryant
Performer 2…..Kate McKinnon
Performer 3…..Kyle Mooney
Audience 1…..Beck Bennett
Performer 4…..Melissa Villaseñor
Audience 2…..Chris Redd
Performer 5: Alex Moffat
Audience 3…..Heidi Gardner
Audience 4…..Mikey Day
[ Images of Broadway in NYC. ]Announcer: It’s New York City, and Broadway’s the place to be. But why not go off-Broadway where they’re not afraid to go there. [ Cut to a screen that reads “Not afraid to GO THERE.”] Introducing ‘Divided We Stand.’ [ Cut to the outside of a theatre with ‘Divider We Stand’ on the marquee. ] A new musical [ Cut to the stage where the performers are ending a song. ] that dives head first into our current political climate.
[ Cut to Performer 1 walking onto the stage holding a suitcase and shawl around herself. ]Performer 1: Ay dios mio. My country is no good. I need, como se dice, American Dream?
Announcer: In a show that can only be described as definitely written by the actors.
Performer 1: [ She begins to sing. ] Adios Venezuela. I’m finally on my way. Bienvenidos, America. And hello, Broadway. Broadway!
Announcer: ‘Time-Out New York’ calls it [ Cut to news headlines. ] “dangerously oversimplified” and “literally helping no one.”
Performer 2: Border control, birth control, it’s all out of control.
Performer 2 & 3: I need another cup of coffee. [ They kiss. ] [ Cut to Audience member 1 viewing the show, then responding to an interview in the lobby. ]
Audience 1: I guess the worst part of the play was their confidence in it.
[ Cut to the stage where six women are singing. ]Performer 1, 2, & 4: Me too, me too, and you, and you, and you. It’s happened to all of us, how do you do? Me too, me too, me too.
[ Cut to more headlines about the play. ]Announcer: “Jesus Christ,” says the New York Times, and “I don’t need to tell you, the cast was all white.”
[ Cut to Audience 2 looking at the program while viewing the play, then he is in the lobby responding to an interview. ]Audience 2: They wrote in the cast list what makes them diverse and one person said, “Parents divorced.” And, that’s not for me.
[ Cut to Performer 5 rapping on stage, while performer 3 is beat-boxing. ]Performer 5: Trump blames violence on the fake news media. Rewriting history like we read Wikipedia. War, troops, and hella pollution, what’s next 3D print the Constitution?
Announcer: Playbill.com writes “I was wondering why one guy had three separate raps and then I realized he was also the director.”
[ Cut to Audience 1 at his interview in the lobby. ]Audience 1: I’m actually dating a girl in the show.
[ Cut to Performer 4 dressed as a sexy Statue of Liberty. She is singing. ]Performer 4: I am the Statue of Liberty, and there’s no way you’re getting into me.
[ Cut back to Audience 1 interviewing. ]Audience 1: Umm, I think this might be it for us.
[ Cut to the cast on stage all singing and smiling. ]Announcer: You’ll walk away wondering whose parents paid for this?
Performer 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5: Vote with your heart. Vote with a song. Vote with the notes, sing it loud and long. Show me the cast of ballot. Yeah, we could go to the polls. But what if we just sang? What if we just sang? We don’t have to do a thing, but siiiiiiinnnnggggggg. [ Performer 1 & 2 hold the last note in an attempt to sing longer than the other. ] [ Cut to Audience 3 & 4 in the lobby responding to an interview. ]
Audience 3: I think that last song was telling us not to vote.
[ Cut to the title screen for ‘Divided We Stand’ which is the title with a broken heart behind it. The heart is filled in with the USA flag print. ]Announcer: Now playing at the Mariska Hargitay Theatre. Tickets are $140?!
