Pumpkin Patch: Season 44 Episode 2

The boss…..Mikey Day

Todd…..Beck Bennett

Nathan…..Kyle Mooney

…..Awkwafina

[A woman is buying pumpkin for Halloween in the pumpkin shop.]

The boss: Super easy to carve. They should have a blast. All right, bye Sarah. Say hi to Josh. [Todd, Nathan, and Awkwafina are fooling around and having fun talking about something they like. The boss finds it hard to confront to them, but he decides that he should.]

The boss: Hey, team? [Cut to three staffs at the left and the boss at the right talking to them] Can I talk to you for a sec?

Todd: Yes sir.

The boss: [Cut to the boss speaking] This morning, I found some of our jumbo pumpkins in the dumpster. [Cut to three staffs acting like they don’t know what the boss is talking about] Some of the pumpkins [Cut to the boss speaking] had holes cut in them [Cut to Nathan listening to the boss][Cut to Todd listening to the boss] and others were completely destroyed. [Cut to the boss speaking][Cut to three staffs acting like they don’t know what the boss is talking about] So I cannot believe I have to ask you this, [Cut to the boss] but did you perform a lewd act with some of our pumpkins last night?

All three staffs: [Cut to three staffs acting like they don’t know what the boss is talking about] No sir.

The boss: [Cut to the boss speaking] All right, well Louis, the grounds keeper saw you, and he told me what you did.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan] Right, yes. And that’s because we did do what you said, sir.

Todd: [Cut to Todd] Enough lies, we did do that sir.

The boss: [Cut to the boss disappointed] Do you guys see how this would be a problem? [Cut to Todd listening to the boss] [Cut to Nathan listening to the boss] That employees of my pumpkin patch [Cut to Awkwafina listening to the boss] are having sex with the pumpkins?

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan speaking] I mean it’s not ideal sir. [Cut to the boss shocked]

Awkwafina: [Cut to all three staffs] I think there’s been a misunderstanding. They only did it because it felt good.

Todd and Nathan: Exactly.

The boss: [Cut to the boss speaking] That doesn’t change my opinion.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan speaking] Does it change your opinion on us as people sir?

The boss: [Cut to the boss] Yes.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan acting confused] For worse?

The boss: [Cut to the boss annoyed] Yeah. Oh, poor Louis. He saw the entire thing.

[Cut to Louis with his garden tool in his hands shaking his head with disgust looking at the three staffs]

Todd: [Cut to Todd] So let me tell you our side of the story as to clear the air here?

The boss: [Cut to the boss] Sure Todd.

Nathan: [Cut to all three staffs] Let’s just paint a picture for you, sir. [Cut to Nathan] Kind of a horny night in general.

Awkwafina: [Cut to the scene portraying their past story. All three staffs enjoying inside the pumpkin store] We were talking about that film, “American Pie.” There’s a part where Jason Briggs does some dirty deeds with an American pie.

Todd: This one time at band camp.

Awkwafina: And sir this is where I’ll take some responsibility because I had dared Nathan to pump the pump.

Nathan: [Cut to three staffs] And so I did. And to my surprise sir, it felt very, [Cut to Nathan] very good. [Cut to the boss looking at Nathan shocked]

Todd: Upon hearing my [Cut to Todd] friend’s happy, happy noises, [Cut to Nathan] [Cut to Awkwafina nodding and agreeing] I decided to grab a couple of pumpkins and do the same myself. [Cut to Todd]

The boss: You guys, [Cut to the boss] this is a family business. [Cut to Todd] Kids come here with their parents. [Cut to the pumpkin with three holes on it that Todd is staring at at this moment] There’s a slide. [Cut to Todd losing what the boss is saying because his attention is at the pumpkin with the holes] I can’t have my employees pumping the pumpkins [Cut to pumpkin with three holes with dreamy effect] at night. And Nathan, I’d expect this from Todd, [Cut to Nathan staring at the boss but not paying attention to what he’s saying] but I’m pretty disappointed in you Nathan. [Cut to the boss as a pumpkin with holes speaking to him. Nathan sees a pumpkin speaking to him] Because I actually think that you’re pretty smart. [Cut to Nathan lost in his thoughts] So if you did do this to a pumpkin it– Nathan! [Cut to the boss pissed off] [Cut to Nathan embarrassed]

Nathan: Oh my god.

The boss: [Cut to all three staffs] You got anything to say for yourself man? [Cut to the boss]

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan] I’m embarrassed. This is not our finest hour. [Cut to the boss agreeing] To be caught doing that with a pumpkin? [Cut to Nathan]

The boss: [Cut to the boss] You had sex with it.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan] By someone I admire and respect, my boss, who’s also the father of my wife?

The boss: [Cut to the boss disappointed] I’m your father-in-law.

Nathan: But I promise sir, [Cut to Nathan] I will never do this again.

Todd: [Cut to Todd] I can’t promise that sir, but I’ll try my hardest not to. I might do it.

Nathan: [Cut to the boss disappointed] Sir, in our defense, [Cut to Nathan] have you ever actually done that with a pumpkin?

The boss: [Cut to the boss] NO.

Nathan: [Cut to Nathan] It feels pretty legit. [Cut to Todd nodding his head and agreeing]

Awkwafina: Sir, if it helps in any way, [Cut to all three staffs] Todd used a condom.

The boss: [Cut to the boss] It does not. It makes it even weirder.

Awkwafina: Oh.

The boss: So now, surprise guys, I have to let you all go.

Three staffs: [Cut to them regretting] Oh, come on. [Cut to the tree staffs walking away with background musing saying “Let me go, I don’t want to be your hero.”]

[Cut to three staffs reaching the car]

The boss: Wait, [the three staffs turn around] [Cut to the boss] open the trunk. [Cut to the three staffs opening the trunk of the car finding it to be full of pumpkins] [Cut to the boss] Here’s a tip, the more orange the skin, the softer it is inside. [Cut to the three staffs. Awkwafina nodding her head and agreeing]

Awkwafina: Good to know.

Todd: Thank you, sir.

Nathan: Happy Halloween.

The boss: [Cut to the boss] Happy Halloween.

[Cut to three staffs driving away in a car with a trunk full of pumpkins]