Red-Nosed Reindeer… Pete Davidson
Cupid… Mikey Day
… Chris Redd.
Donner… Alex Moffat
Blitzen… Kyle Mooney
Comet… Beck Bennett
Don… Kenan Thompson
[Starts with a house on a Christmas day]
Cupid: Alright, fellas, [Cut to a room full of reindeers] its Christmas eve and I am ready to fly! Who’s with me?
Everobody: Yeah!
Chris Redd: Hey, why is Rudolph cheering?
Rudolph: [Cut to Rudolph. He has a red glowing nose] Well, I guess I thought there was a chance, you know, I’d be on the team this year.
[Cut to everybody. Everyone laughs at Rudolph]
Donner: Yeah, keep dreaming neon nose!
Rudolph: Yeah, the last thing we need up there is a stoplight!
Comet: [Cut to Beck] Or a maraschino cherry.
Santa: [Santa walks in shaking his belly] Ho, ho, ho! Huddle up. I just wanted to say about the weather report and I’m sorry but it’s too overcast to fly. Christmas is canceled.
Everybody: [Cut to everybody] Oh, no! No!
Santa: Wait! [Cut to Rudolph and Santa] Rudolph—your nose. You can guide us with your wonderful light! How about it, Rudolph?
Rudolph: You mean it Santa?
Santa: Oh, you bet I do. I’m appointing you lead reindeer! Christmas is saved! Let’s hear it for Rudolph!
Everybody: [Cut to Everybody. Everybody is cheering for Rudolph] Hip, hip, hooray!
Santa: Thanks, Santa. I won’t let you down. [Santa leaves the room] [Cut to Rudolph. He walks in the group] Well, well, well—
Donner: [Alex giving his hand to shake to Rudolph] Congrats–
Rudolph: Oh, you can put that away, [pushing away his hand] Donner, or whatever your bitch ass name is.
Donner: Rudolph–
Rudolph: Oh, it’s Rudolph now! I thought it was Neon Nose. Classic.
Blitzen: Rudolph–
Rudolph: Oh, what’s up, Blitzen? What did you call my nose? A stoplight. I like that, making fun of someone else when you’re married to a moose.
Blitzen: She’s an Elk.
Rudolph: She’s a straight up moose. You need to know that. What’s up, Don?
Don: What’s up?
Rudolph: Santa hates you.
Don: Harsh.
[Cut to everybody]
Cupid: Rudolph, we understand you’re sore at us but it was just a bit of healthy ribbing.
Rudolph: [Cut to Rudolph and Cupid] No, you shut up your mouth, Cupid. Alright? No one’s talking to you. You want healthy ribbing? Your wife dropped that donk on my last night!
Cupid: You’re making that up.
Rudolph: Nope, we did it in front of the mirror. Yeah, she’s one of those!
Cupid: Oh my god, I’ll knock that nose right off your face! [Cut to everybody]
Don: Come on, Rudolph man, we’re sorry.
Rudolph: Yeah, I know you’re sorry now because I’ll be flying out in front tonight and I’m eating a lot of broccoli. What’s your problem world?
Cupid: Hey! I’m gonna tell Santa how you’re behaving.
Rudolph: Oh, yeah? Let’s get him in here! [Rudolph starts hitting himself on his head and starts acting victim] Oh, ouch, why would you hit me? I’m smaller than you!
Santa: [Santa walks in] Cupid! Are you still bullying on Rudolph?
Cupid: [Cut to Everybody] No, sir, I didn’t touch him!
Rudolph: It’s not their fault sir. I’m the new guy. I deserve a little hazing.
Santa: [Cut to Santa] Rudolph, you’re the strongest reindeer I’ve ever seen. [Cut to Rudolph smiling happily] You’re skating on thin ice Cupid.
Cupid: [Cut to Rudolph and Cupid] Man.
Rudplph: Whoops!
Don:Yo, you’re crazy man! [Cut to everybody]
Rudolph: Anyone else want to bully Rudolph?
Comet: No, man, we’re so sorry.
Rudolph: Oh, well, if it isn’t Mr. Maraschino Cherry Joke.
Comet: [Cut to Comet and Rudolph] I don’t want any trouble man.
Rudolph: Oh, I heard a lot of jokes about my nose. That was a good one. You like Maraschino Cherries, bro?
Comet: Yeah.
Rudolph: You like that way they taste, bro?
Comet: Yeah.
Rudolph: Why don’t you suck on one?
Comet: Excuse me?
Rudolph: Suck on it homey. Suck on the cherry in front of your face!
Comet: Rudolph, please!
Everybody: [Cut to everybody] Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Oh! Oh! [Cut to Comet and Rudolph. Comet starts sucking on Rudolph’s nose]
Santa: [Cut to Santa walking in] Oh my goodness!
Rudolph: [Cut to Comet and Rudolph. As Rudolph sees Santa he starts acting victim] Ouch, he bit me. I think he’s rabid.
Santa: [Cut to Santa] Oh, I always knew this day would come. [Santa takes his gun out]
Comet: [Cut to Comet] No, no. I swear he’s lying! He told me to suck it.
Santa: [Santa is pointing the gun towards Comet] Come with me, Comet.
Comet: Sir, you don’t understand. [Cut to everybody] He’s evil. Isn’t anybody going to say anything?
Rudolph: Yeah, isn’t anyone going to say anything?
Santa: I’m sorry, pal. Ho, ho, ho. [Santa takes Comet out]
Chris Redd: He’s not going to do that. [Sound of gunshot. Everybody is terrified except Rudolph.] Rudolph, you are a master.
Rudolph: No, really though, those were some funny jokes. Hilarious.
Santa: All right, [Cut to Santa walking in] show’s over. It’s Christmas folks. Ho, ho, ho, ho!
Rudolph: [Cut to everybody. Rudolph is dancing] Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer.
