Matt Damon
Beck Bennett
Mark Ronson
Miley Cyrus
Cecily Strong
[Starts with video clip of decorated Christmas tree][Cut to Matt Damon]
Matt Damon: And thus ended the great gift of 2004. [Cut to everybody sitting together] No, like I said, secret Santa [Cut to Matt Damon] is my favorite day of the year.
[Cut to everybody sitting together]
Beck Bennett: Me too.
Mark Ronson: All right.
Beck Bennett: Mark, you want to go first?
Mark Ronson: Yes, sure. Thanks. [Cut to Beck, Miley and Mark] [Mark opens the box] Oh. It’s a turkey sandwich.
Beck Bennett: Yeah, remember that one time I was eating a turkey sandwich and you were like, [Cut to Beck Bennett] “Looks good”.
Mark Ronson: I think I remember. [Cut to Beck, Miley and Mark] Yes, so you put it in the box and you gave it to me now.
[Cut to Matt Damon]
Matt Damon: That’s really, really weird Beck.
Beck Bennett: I don’t know. [Cut to Beck Bennett] I put my sandwich in a box.
Miley Cyrus: Okay, [Cut to Miley Cyrus] it’s my turn.
Matt Damon: Oh, well. [Cut to Matt Damon] The zig is up. [Cut to everybody] I got Miley this year. There you go.
Miley Cyrus: Thank you. [Cut to Miley Cyrus opening the box] [There’s diamond necklace inside the box] Oh, Matt. This is way too much. You said we were keeping it modest this year.
Matt Damon: [Cut to everybody] I know. I got carried away. [Cut to Matt Damon] I just love secret Santa.
Miley Cyrus: [Cut to Miley Cyrus] Thank you, so sweet. [Cut to Beck, Miley and Mark] Better than a turkey sandwich.
Beck Bennett: Well, I mean it depends on who you are.
[Cut to Matt]
Matt Damon: All right, I believe it’s my turn. [Cut to Cecily and Matt] Who is it?
Cecily Strong: It’s me.
Matt Damon: I knew it’s you. I know it.
Cecily Strong: I didn’t make eye contact.
Matt Damon: No, you didn’t. I was like, “It’s her”.
[Matt Damon opens the box and finds a scarf in it]
Cecily Strong: I made it myself. The scarf obviously. I didn’t finish it but.
[Cut to Matt Damon]
Matt Damon: Oh!
[Cut to Cecily and Matt]
Cecily Strong: Why don’t you put it on?
Matt Damon: Yeah! No, I’m- I’m so hot. I’m afraid I’ll get like a rash or some kind.
Cecily Strong: Do you like it?
Matt Damon: Yeah!
Cecily Strong: Then put it on!
Matt Damon: I don’t want to.
[Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: It will definitely look good.
Mark Ronson: You should do it.
[Cut to Miley Cyrus]
Miley Cyrus: This was your idea. Secret Santa. Come on.
[Cut to Cecily and Matt]
Cecily Strong: Put it on.
Matt Damon: It doesn’t exactly go with–
Cecily Strong: Put it on.
[Cut to Matt Damon putting on the scarf]
Miley Cyrus: Oh, that is nice. [Cut to Miley and Mark]
Mark Ronson: Beautiful.
Matt Damon: I kind of feel like [Cut to Matt Damon] you guys are applauding to make me feel better about it.
Miley Cyrus: It’s great.
[Cut to Beck Bennett]
Beck Bennett: Don’t ever say something like that.
Miley Cyrus: You should [Cut to Miley Cyrus] definitely wear that outside.
[Cut to Cecily and Matt]
Cecily Strong: Why? You don’t like it?
Matt Damon: I didn’t say that. You ruined my favorite day.
Cecily Strong: What’s that?
Matt Damon: Merry Christmas.
