Ruler TA (Tate) of Klurds…Kenan Thompson
Tutrisha (TA’s Daughter)…Melissa Villaseñor
Kern….Pete Davidson
Earth space travelers….Steve Carell, Beck Bennet, Cecily Strong, Leslie Jones
[Starting with a shot of outer space station]
Beck: Will the aliens be joining us for our [four astronauts getting ready for thanksgiving dinner] thanksgiving feast?
Cecily: Oh, you mean the Klergs? Yeah.
Captain: Good, I look forward to sampling some of the products here on Argos-9. [Cut to Linda and Captain]
Linda: I love exotic foods.
Captain: Oh, look, it’s the Klergs. [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall, the Klergs are entering from the door with food]
TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Greetings, people of earth. I am ruler TA, short for Tank.
Tutrisha: Father, should I offer them the kern?
TA: Yes, Tutrisha, [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] offer them other kern.
Captain: Kern, what is cern?
Linda: Oh, it looks like out corn [Cut to Linda and Beck] but its purple.
TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Yes, our Kern is much like your corn. It has lots of tiny, delicious cornels on it.
Captain: [Cut to Captain] Oh, you mean Kernels?
TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] No, your corn has kernels, but our kern has cornels.
Cecily: [Cut to Captain and Cecelia] What a small fascinating universe.
TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] It is customary for visitor to partake of our kern.
Tutrisha: It’s for good fortune.
Captain: [Cut to Captain and Cecelia] I guess this is the famous Klerg hospitality we’ve heard so much about. I can’t wait to enjoy the tasty cornels of kern. [Captain takes a bite]
Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] No, don’t eat me! This hurts me!
Captain: [Cut to Captain and Cecelia] Is it kern talking?
Cecily: Is it alive [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] right now?
TA: No, these are just the kern sounds.
Tutrisha: The sound the kern makes.
Linda: [Cut to Linda and Beck] It’s delicious, y’all!
Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] Ow, the pain lady! Please stop eating me!
Captain: [Cut to Linda and Beck] Linda, stop eating the kern.
Linda: Just one more bite.
Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] This hurts like hell. Stop.
Captain: [Cut to Captain and Linda] Linda, please it may be conscious!
Linda: Sorry, it reminds me of my earth picnics, of eating corn on the cob.
TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] You mean kern on the curb?
Captain: [Cut to Captain and Linda] I want to try to communicate with it.
TA: [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Why? It has no errs to herr. [Referring as to ‘ears to hear’]
Captain: [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] Please, let me try. Hello, [Cut to Captain, Linda and Cecelia] can you hear me? Are you okay?
Kern: [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] Help us. The Klergs are trying to destroy our race. We can’t run from him because we don’t have the lergs okay? Lergs!
Captain: [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] Excuse us TA, I need to speak to my crew. [Cut to humans whispering] The kern said it has no lergs to run from the klergs.
Beck: TA told us it’s customary to eat the cornels from the kern.
Cecily: But actually we’re helping the klergs wipe out the kern.
Linda: What do we do?
Captain: Follow me lead. I have a plan. Ruler TA.
TA: More kern, captain?
Captain: Oh, [Cut to TA and Tutrisha] Hell yes. [Cut to humans] Who cares about some kern. Let’s enjoy this thanksgiving.
TA: [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall] Oh, well tomorrow I will show you around the planot.
Linda: Captain, this kern is crazy delicious!
Kern: Hey bitch! I said stop. [Cut to Kern with a face speaking] Bitch I said stop. : [Cut to everyone sitting in the dining hall]
Beck: It’s good, right?
TA: Bye bye.
Beck: Is it good?
Captain: Let’s all eat! Everyone, let’s eat the kern! [Cut to the shot of outer space station]
