Talent Show

0
(0)

Devin… Mikey Day

Tyler… Pete Davidson

Principal Rigen… Kenan Thompson

Roberta… Tina Fey

Susan… Melissa Villaseñor

Leslie Jones

Devin… Kyle Mooney

[Starts with Devin and Tyler performing in a talent show. They’re both wearing karate gee. Tyler is holding a fort and Devin is about to hit it.]

Devin: Using the raw power of my right hand, I will chop this fort in half.

Tyler: Wait, Devin, what if you hit my chest and my heart stops?

Devin: Good point. Never mind, we withdraw from competition because we are afraid.

[Devin and Tyler bow. Principal Rigen walks in.]

Principal Rigen: Okay. let’s give it up for Devin and Tyler. Ha-ha. [audience clapping] Right. Devin and Tyler. Two 18 old boys terrified by a piece of wood. Ain’t that nice. Ha-ha. Alright now. Up next is Susan Turners performing with her mother’s last PTA majority whip, Roberta Turners.

[Roberta and Susan walk to the stage]

Roberta: Whoo! Hello! Livingston high school, class of 2018, how we doing, Lions? Rawr! Fun. Anyway, I am Roberta.

Susan: I am Scissors.

Roberta: She is Susan.

Susan: Don’t run with me. I’ll poke your eye out.

Roberta: Okay. Spooky! Susan’s going through a bit of a phase. I’m sure all your parents can understand that.

[Cut to Leslie Jones in the audience]

Leslie Jones: No, my son is his own person and I respect his choices.

[Cut to Roberta and Susan]

Roberta: Okay. Wow, you really hung me out to dry there. Well, everybody, we are performing the very same mother-daughter routine that we did at her first grade talent show. [sobbing] Oh, my god. Okay.

Susan: For the record, I wanted to do a different song.

Roberta: Okay. The song choice is final. DJ, hit it.

[music playing] [Roberta and Susan are rocking their bodies]

Roberta: [singing] I come home in the morning light
My mother says, “Where you gonna live your life right?”

Susan: [singing] Well, maybe I just wanna live my life wrong
Bill Gates never went to college, mom!

Roberta: Okay, stop. Susan, can I speak to you in private?

[Principal Rigen walks in]

Principal Rigen: Ha-ha, okay. Alright. Little mother-daughter moment there folks. They’ll be back momentarily. Ah, now, some of y’all might be wondering, “Why is Principal Rigen’s allowing this to continue?” Well, the answer is, Roberta and I have a sexual relationship. And, yeah, the phrase ‘no strings’ was throwing around a lot at the beginning. Yet here I am obligated to assist. Isn’t sex funny like that to y’all?

[Cut to Leslie Jones in the audience]

Leslie Jones: No. Sex isn’t funny. It’s beautiful and sacred.

[Cut to the stage]

Principal Rigen: Okay, so you just disagree with everybody? Huh?

[Roberta and Susan walk to stage again]

Roberta: Sorry for the disruption. I think Susan might be a little hermonal.

Susan: Argh!

Roberta: Okay. DJ, hit that track.

[music playing] [Roberta and Susan are rocking their bodies]

Susan: [singing] I come home in the morning light
My mother says, “I can’t drive you to the protest, Susan. I have book club.” Mom?

Roberta: Alright. That’s enough. Okay, Susan, may I have a word with you in the wings please?

Susan: Argh!

[Principal Rigen walks in again]

Principal Rigen: It’s like, you know, one day we just banging, you know? But then the next day, it’s like, “Hey, can you take Susan to school? You already going there, right?” And then it’s like, “Oh, I’m getting groceries now. Alright.” And now I’ma be making a fool out of myself. Well, you know what? Why don’t we just move on to the next act. Give it up for Dylan and his amazing invisible box.

[Devin walks in. He acts like he is putting his hand on the box, then stepping on it. Then he leaves the stage.]

Principal Rigen: Well, I mean the booty is worth it. You know? Like, the booty is worth it, y’all.

[Roberta and Susan walk in]

Roberta: Okay, okay. Now, Susan has generously agreed to cooperate. DJ, play the song.

Susan: Yeah, Brandon, play the song.

[The DJ plays the song “Chop Suey” by System Of A Down.]

Roberta: Oh, Susan, turn this off right this instant.

Susan: [singing] Wake up!
Grab a brush and put a little makeup
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup
Why’d you leave the keys upon the table?

Roberta: Stop. This is last warning. I’ll call the authorities. [looks at the audience] Everyone’s nodding. I think they love it.

[The audience are doing the headbang]

I think I love it.

Susan: There’s a part where you come in at mom.

Roberta: We’re doing this together?

Susan: Yeah.

[singing] Wake up!
Grab a brush and put a little makeup

Roberta: You wanted to

Susan: Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup

Roberta: You wanted to

Susan: Why’d you leave the keys upon the table?

Roberta: You wanted to

Oh, this song is fun. I like this.

How useful was this post?

Click on a star to rate it!

Average rating 0 / 5. Vote count: 0

No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments