Hype Man…..Kenan Thompson
Ted Cruz…..Beck Bennett
Voiceover: There’s something happening in Texas. [Cut to an article that says “Beto O’Rourke Rally Draws Record Numbers in Texas.]
Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on a stage] How ya’ll feeling today?
Kenan Thompson: How ya’ll feeling?
Voiceover: [Cut to internet article and crowd] The most closely watched race in America.
Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on a stage] I said how ya’ll feeling today?
Kenan Thompson: Dallas!
Voiceover: [Cut to internet article] It is electric.
Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina on a stage] Ya’ll like [inaudible 00:00:17] ? [Cut to crowd excited] Ya’ll like [Cut to Awkwafina on a stage. Cut to Kenan Thompson on a stage] [inaudible 00:00:20] ? [Cut to crowd excited. Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on a stage] Ya’ll like Ted Cruz?
Kenan Thompson: We are about to find out.
Sound Effect: TED CRUZ![Cut to Ted Cruz coming to the stage waving to the audience. Ted Cruz stands close to mic. Cut to Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson standing behind Ted Cruz]
Ted Cruz: Hi, I’m Ted Cruz. [Cut to audience covering their ears as they hear sound distortion. Cut to Ted Cruz speaking and Awkwafinad and Kenan Thompson standing behind him] Look when God whispered to me that I should run for Senate, he didn’t tell me it was going to be a popularity contest. [Cut to Ted Cruz speaking] But we are going to throw the coolest rally in town. [Cut to crowd clapping] Stop. Humor time. What do you call a Democrat in Texas? [Ted Cruz drops the mic, and he talks in the damaged mic] We call the Democrats in Texas…. [Cut to crowd watch at shock as the speaker explodes]
Awkwafina: You know, maybe Ted Cruz can’t sound cool [Cut to Awkwafina, Ted Cruz and Kenan Thompson on the stage] but I bet we can make him look cool.
Kenan Thompson: Who want to see Ted Cruz dunk a basketball? [Cut to Ted Cruz, Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson passing basketball. Ted Cruz tried to dribble the ball on the stage, but it doesn’t bounce. Cut to the bored crowd.]
Awkwafina: [Cut to Awkwafina speaking with Ted Cruz and Kenan Thompson on the stage] We need to hit the emergency party button.
Kenan Thompson: Oh! [Cut to Ted Cruz going and pressing the party button. Cut to embarrassing wet confetti stuck together falls on the ground. Cut to Kenan Thompson moves towards the party button and presses it. The button then works. Ted Cruz is disappointed.]
Ted Cruz: Okay. [Ted Cruz jumps and tried to dab hard, but he hits his own nose.] Ouch. [Cut to Ted Cruz holding his nose]
Kenan Thompson: Ted’s nose is bleeding up here so [Cut to Ted Cruz, Awkwafina and Kenan Thompson on the stage] why don’t we just wrap this up?
Awkwafina: Give it up one more time [Cut to Ted Cruz holding his nose and waving his hand] for Ted Cruz.
Ted Cruz: [The Ted Cruz backdrop falls]Your future senator.
Sound effect: Ted Cruz!